Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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This is more of a prank than a joke but I'll tell it anyway. Cliff's notes at bottom.

When I was in high school, I was sort of a computer nerd. One day I was at school after hours hanging out with a couple of friends - I think we were there for a basketball game and got there early or something - and we decided to wander around the school while nobody was around. We got to the school library and one of my friends told me that I should "put a virus" on the library computers. This sounded like a great idea so I fired up QBasic and wrote a quick program that printed text that stated that the computer was infested by demons that were brought upon the library by the Satanic influence of Mrs. Ward, the school librarian. (Keep in mind that this was a private Christian school so it was topical...) The program then went into an infinite loop, making really obnoxious sounds on the PC speaker. It only took me about 2 minutes. I then added a line to the AUTOEXEC.BAT file to cause the "virus" to run when the computer started up. We then went back to the basketball game or whatever.

The next day at school, there was a big commotion in the library. My classmates and I stepped out of class to see what was happenning. I saw Mrs. Ward in tears, wildly mumbling to herself while the principal tried to console her. Turns out she was mentally unstable and what I thought was a light-hearted prank pushed her over the edge. She took a leave of absence from the school and didn't come back until the following school year. I felt really terrible about it, but nobody ever found out that I did it.

Also, it was amusing to me that it took the school "computer expert" several hours to figure out how to get rid of the "virus." All you had to do was press Ctrl-C to exit the program and then edit the AUTOEXEC.BAT file. Whatever.

Cliff's notes: I wrote a computer program that caused the school librarian to have a mental breakdown.

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You sir, use your powers for the forces of Awesome.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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While in my criminology class, the teacher asked why our city had such high gun deaths, he looked at me and i pointed to myself and mouthed "ME"
HE did not find it amusing

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I think this is gold.

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Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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Cliff's notes: I wrote a computer program that caused the school librarian to have a mental breakdown.

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You sir, use your powers for the forces of Awesome.

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On a related note, why would you write a whole new program for this? When I was in high school, I just installed Back Orifice on all of the library computers, then stayed home one day and sent them all weird popup messages and rebooted them randomly during lunch until they shut down the library and blamed it on someone else.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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"What did the deaf dumb blind kid get for christmas? He doesn't know"

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The correct answer is "AIDS"

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Everyone's got AIDS!

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

edit: omg reading in flat mode I thought someone replied to a different poster -- turns out they too were replying in flat mode. :/

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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While passing a church that had a sign that said "28000 abortions a week" I turned to my friend and said it was horrible that church performed that many abortions a week.

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How did THAT flop? It's so obvious. You need new friends.

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I didn't get it either. I would probably still be laughing if I was in the car.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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Me and my buddy went to a bar and were pretty wasted already when we got there. The place was full of russian women on vacation in Finland and we were like yeah, this place has potential. We just dance around with them and noticed how bad their english was so if we wanted to score with russian women we had to do the preplay non verbally.

So while we were ordering drinks at the counter one of these russian ladies came standing next to us ignoring us totally. She was hot, about 8 imo and 9 because she was russian, and my friend started staring at her. She noticed this and my friend instantly said in finnish to her something like "youre hot, wanna hang out with me in my bed?". She didn't understand of course and looked him like "how stupid are you, dont you get it that I'm russian and dont understand finnish?" My friend took a deep breath and said with a much louder voice than before, again in finnish, but with a russian accent similar when theyre speaking finnish or english the same thing. After a small silence he got bitchslapped and all the finnish customers looked at him like he was a total douche. I laughed furiously.

None of those russian ladies joined us that night.

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Finnish her!

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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While passing a church that had a sign that said "28000 abortions a week" I turned to my friend and said it was horrible that church performed that many abortions a week.

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How did THAT flop? It's so obvious. You need new friends.

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Actually, it was a home run both times I told it. I just felt like telling a good joke after my two stinkers/I wanted to tell it again.

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

Told this one to my brothers fiance first time I met her. Who knew Lady Di was her hero?

The Queen Mum gets to the Pearly Gates where she is met by St. Peter and Princess Diana. St. Peter hands the Queen Mum the obligatory set of angel's wings and shows her to her room. St. Peter asks her if there is anything he can do for her. She replies "The wings are very nice, but why haven't I got a halo like Diana ?". St. Peter chuckles and replies "That's not a halo - it's a steering wheel"

Re: jokes you\'ve made IRL that flopped
 

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Told this one to my brothers fiance first time I met her. Who knew Lady Di was her hero?

The Queen Mum gets to the Pearly Gates where she is met by St. Peter and Princess Diana. St. Peter hands the Queen Mum the obligatory set of angel's wings and shows her to her room. St. Peter asks her if there is anything he can do for her. She replies "The wings are very nice, but why haven't I got a halo like Diana ?". St. Peter chuckles and replies "That's not a halo - it's a steering wheel"

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in all srsness, anyone offended by this needs to be smacked in the face