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i read a fair amount of this thread and wanted to chime in with a few things.

first, obv, lurker i hope you are doing well and i am equally as here for you as just about anyone else on 2+2. i think we all want the best for you.

to address the "talking about suicide = won't commit suicide issue"; it's stupid to say one way or another what it means. however, in my experience, i have never been PERSONALLY involved in a situation where someone has talked about it and then killed themself. i know that i have been in situations where i have talked about it, said i was going to do it, whatev, and didn't. i've also had many friends, girlfriends, whatever that have done the same. my ex-girlfriend "attempted" to in front of me, cut herself behind my back a few times and then more or less deliberately created a situation where i would discover it, and blah blah. so i'm not saying it doesn't happen; i think it'd be pointless but more importantly incredibly dangerous to label "if someone talks about it they are safe" as fact.

but i understand where lurker is coming from. well, not as much that as i am sympathetic to it. recently and even now i've been going through a pretty awful depressive episode involving a break-up with my girlfriend of a year, which happened basically on the first day of college this year, trying to resort my life and get my [censored] done, go to class, etc, fix my relationship with my parents, etc. it's really hard. sometimes it's too hard, but you make progress. the biggest thing i've learned is to try my hardest to get through the first few days. they are always, always the worst. after that as your mind settles, you see clearer and you can start to rebuild, but in the first few days emotions are by FAR the most intense, the hopelessness is by FAR the greatest, and everything is meaningless. then, as i've found time and time again, you rediscover how important great friends are (PJO I LOVE YOU!!!!), you find reasons to keep going and say "[censored] you" to whoever pulled [censored] on you or whatever was going on, and you sort it out. that's what i'm working on now, at 5:23AM in the library while on 2+2, [x] standard, [ ] good use of time. but seriously, it's cliche but take it one step at a time. i remember the last time this [censored] happened with a different ex-girlfriend. i had transferred schools to be with her, and 4 months later it was over. i had no one and freaked out. i remember vividly that one day i found it in myself to take the trash out. the [censored] trash! looking back it feels stupid and weak that me saying "i found the strength to took the trash out" wasn't a joke, but for those that have had depression and depressive episodes, you probably understand what i mean. make a list of things to do and if you can even cross off one thing, that's something to feel good about and it's progress.

gl lurker and nh to those that posted in here.