Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Yo, don't you guys have flys on your pants? Most of these situations could have been avoided if you didn't take off your pants at work/friends house/cousins house/whatev.

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Try to act fast and fix things up when theres a period of 5 seconds when you gotta do it to avoid getting caught. Like shut down porn, pull your pants up and close the zipper or buttons, wipe the sweat off your face, try to look cool etc. Harder than you think.

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I know how hard it is, which is why I'd suggest taking out the "pull up your pants" step, by not pulling them down in the first place, and thereby saving yourself a second.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Man this thread has brought all these memories that I've spent years trying to erase to the fore.

I remember I was jacking off to my hot, but older Italian teacher, experiencing an enlightening anal fantasy, when my mum burst into the room. I was cumming and experiencing blissful pulsating bursts as she came in. I quickly pulled my pants up, but because they were jeans the fly was still undone and they were unbuttoned. So I was there trying to look as morose and brooding as I could while staring at a word document on my computer screen and simultaneously cumming in my pants.

This was not a good experience.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I was in 7th grade sitting in the back of the class. All the students were working on work or something and I decided to rub out a quick one. Anyway, I start stroking it. Good two minutes elapse until the teacher says we have to go to the library or computer lab.

All the student start putting away their work, and I start jacking off extra fast through my pants. I was affriad I wouldn't make it and the teacher would ask me why I was still sitting in the back of the class. So I mean I started working it hard. Back and forth back and forth.There were several hot girls in the class so visually I was stimulated.

30 seconds was all I needed. Unfortunately the class was leaving so I had to get up and walk out w/ them. But this actually worked out for the better. As we started walking down the hall, I couldn't resist it. This girl in front of me had the ass of an angel, and the lower back of an angel. I was walking awkwardly b/c I had a full blown erection, but I didn't care. I put one hand on my penis through my pocket, and came up to her and said can "I get a hug?"

She looked at me and said "WTF, why is your hand in the pocket like taht" I said "IDK?" And with taht she said "oh okey Il'l hug you."

And as out two bodies embraced, I grasped on to her lower back, pressed her pelvis against my grind, and grinded up on her until our teacher had to separate me. It was the greatest, sickest thing I had ever done. Had it not been for the teacher, I Would have jizzed and been satisfied. But I was disrupted to early. I came 40 seconds later as I was being escorted by my teacher to the office.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

"I came 40 seconds later as I was being escorted by my teacher to the office."

Win.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

[ QUOTE ]
I was in 7th grade sitting in the back of the class. All the students were working on work or something and I decided to rub out a quick one. Anyway, I start stroking it. Good two minutes elapse until the teacher says we have to go to the library or computer lab.

All the student start putting away their work, and I start jacking off extra fast through my pants. I was affriad I wouldn't make it and the teacher would ask me why I was still sitting in the back of the class. So I mean I started working it hard. Back and forth back and forth.There were several hot girls in the class so visually I was stimulated.

30 seconds was all I needed. Unfortunately the class was leaving so I had to get up and walk out w/ them. But this actually worked out for the better. As we started walking down the hall, I couldn't resist it. This girl in front of me had the ass of an angel, and the lower back of an angel. I was walking awkwardly b/c I had a full blown erection, but I didn't care. I put one hand on my penis through my pocket, and came up to her and said can "I get a hug?"

She looked at me and said "WTF, why is your hand in the pocket like taht" I said "IDK?" And with taht she said "oh okey Il'l hug you."

And as out two bodies embraced, I grasped on to her lower back, pressed her pelvis against my grind, and grinded up on her until our teacher had to separate me. It was the greatest, sickest thing I had ever done. Had it not been for the teacher, I Would have jizzed and been satisfied. But I was disrupted to early. I came 40 seconds later as I was being escorted by my teacher to the office.

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nice, frotterism ftw.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I remember when I was younger if I climbed a pole i would have an orgasm. im talkin i was like 7 or 8 yrs old. i seriously thought i had some special ability and this amazing feeling i could achieve was a gift only i possessed. I could also have one if i hung on the monkey bars and lifted up my legs and clucked them like a chicken. One time the bell rang and recess was over but i was in the middle of a monkey bar chicken cluck feeling experiment so i just hung there and kept clucking while the whole playground emptied to go back to class. this was in like 4 th grade, anyways this time after i was done i was walking back to class and this kid matt came up to me and said I know what you were doing i can get that feeling too. I dont know if i was more embarassed that he knew or disappointed that someone else could feel this great joy i thought only i could.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

WTF

I always thought it was "to sit on my throne" and I see "settle my throne." I go a quick google search and no help.

"sit on my throne"
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/wills...themesong.html
http://www.lyrics007.com/Will%20Smit...%20Lyrics.html

"settle my throne"
http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Wil...heme-Song.html
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/w/will+sm..._20146970.html

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

wow you guys really like talking about each other's penises.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

This thread needs more pics.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

i need to see more penis

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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i need to see more penis

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This is not a good gimmick account.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I have no good stories but I think the worst is when you are close to shootin and you for one reason or another try and hold off only it's too late and all your work goes for nothing.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

one time i was beating off on a rock. but, it wasnt a rock. it was A ROCK LOBSTER!!!!

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

This one was pretty bad:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...a_Mikulski.jpg

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

[x] Funniest thread i've ever read

Sadly, I dont have any stories.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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[x] Funniest thread i've ever read

Sadly, I dont have any stories.

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just make one up....everyone else is....

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Any stories I have can be summed up by a simple: Jerkin after drinking red kool-aid/powerade = being caught red handed ( literally :\ )

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I knew my college roomate used to whack it went when i went to my work study job, so one time i was like "clint, im going to work cya" to make sure he heard me.

then i waited like 5 minutes and slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open. he was sitting at his desk with his back to the door, and going at it and our dorm room was wide open. people could pass and watch him.

i was laughing so much and i didnt want him to turn around so i just laughed as i walked to work. he didnt say a word about it when i got back and no one on our floor said anything, so i dont know if anyone was passing and caught him, but he must have [censored] his pants when he turned around and saw the door wide open.

this still makes me laugh. im mean.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

wtf this is supposed to be YOUR beat off experience, not you CATCHING someone waxing their pole.
http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/c...s/an_speak.gif

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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wtf this is supposed to be YOUR beat off experience, not you CATCHING someone waxing their pole.
http://i218.photobucket.com/albums/c...s/an_speak.gif

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He left out a few details about what happened afterwards.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I knew my college roomate used to whack it went when i went to my work study job, so one time i was like "clint, im going to work cya" to make sure he heard me.

then i waited like 5 minutes and slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open. he was sitting at his desk with his back to the door, and going at it and our dorm room was wide open. people could pass and watch him.

i was laughing so much and i didnt want him to turn around so i just laughed as i walked to work. he didnt say a word about it when i got back and no one on our floor said anything, so i dont know if anyone was passing and caught him, but he must have [censored] his pants when he turned around and saw the door wide open.



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and catching me whacking off to him wankin off. I than came so hard I shot my load all the way across the dorm room and he got really mad and sorta embarassed and i had to lick the cum off of his face or he said he was going to tell everyone about me spying on him during his experiment than I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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one time i was beating off on a rock. but, it wasnt a rock. it was A ROCK LOBSTER!!!!

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First, I don't understand what's bad about it. Second, I don't understand why this merits a gimmick account.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Freshman year of college, in the dorms, I had the top bunk. Roommate would always go to sleep before me, so I would whack it right before bed when he was asleep. I do it in a kleenex and put it on the side of the bed, facing the wall. As I put it down, it falls through some [censored] crack.

I climbed down quietly, praying it fell through to the floor. Look over by the light of my cell phone, and nope! It's 2 inches away from his face.

Obviously it's too far away for me to just reach over and get it. I had to climb up on the ledge of the bed, steady myself on the wall with one hand and pluck it up with the other, in near pitch black, hoping he doesn't wake up and wonder why I'm hovering over him.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Kurosh u know dam well he knew how close it was he was just praying you would go away so he could put the kleenex in his lip like chewing tobacco and savor the juces

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

[ QUOTE ]
Freshman year of college, in the dorms, I had the top bunk. Roommate would always go to sleep before me, so I would whack it right before bed when he was asleep. I do it in a kleenex and put it on the side of the bed, facing the wall. As I put it down, it falls through some [censored] crack.

I climbed down quietly, praying it fell through to the floor. Look over by the light of my cell phone, and nope! It's 2 inches away from his face.

Obviously it's too far away for me to just reach over and get it. I had to climb up on the ledge of the bed, steady myself on the wall with one hand and pluck it up with the other, in near pitch black, hoping he doesn't wake up and wonder why I'm hovering over him.

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Seriously though just imagining if he happened to wake up and be like Kurosh WTF u doing and seeing you come up with some funny ass excuse than have to abort the mission. than he would discover the kleenex and get some on his hand if he touched it or maybe even roll over on it anyways thinking about that scenario makes me LMFAO

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

bump for mbillie

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

beating off watching the knicks game [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

edit: teamwork ftw

best jerking off experience: beating off while responding to a doubLe a tom post

it's not ghey if the peens don't touch

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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it's not ghey if the peens don't touch

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If you blow another guy, is it not gay b/c your peens don't touch?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Isiah is pretty cute. [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I knew my college roomate used to whack it went when i went to my work study job, so one time i was like "clint, im going to work cya" to make sure he heard me.

then i waited like 5 minutes and slowly unlocked the door and pushed it open. he was sitting at his desk with his back to the door, and going at it and our dorm room was wide open. people could pass and watch him.

i was laughing so much and i didnt want him to turn around so i just laughed as i walked to work. he didnt say a word about it when i got back and no one on our floor said anything, so i dont know if anyone was passing and caught him, but he must have [censored] his pants when he turned around and saw the door wide open.



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and catching me whacking off to him wankin off. I than came so hard I shot my load all the way across the dorm room and he got really mad and sorta embarassed and i had to lick the cum off of his face or he said he was going to tell everyone about me spying on him during his experiment than I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror If anything I can say this cab is rare But I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo homes to Bel Air'

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this happened right?

becuase I just had a pull over this story.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

just got up and had an early morning whackin and my wife got up to use the bathroom, whooh, my heart almost stopped in its tracks but i just wanted to give it a bump for a close call

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

who cares if ur wife sees u jacking it? when she walks in stick it in her kdshtter and finish

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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who cares if ur wife sees u jacking it? when she walks in stick it in her kdshtter and finish

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ldo

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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just got up and had an early morning whackin and my wife got up to use the bathroom, whooh, my heart almost stopped in its tracks but i just wanted to give it a bump for a close call

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get a new wife

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

pics of wife?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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just got up and had an early morning whackin and my wife got up to use the bathroom, whooh, my heart almost stopped in its tracks but i just wanted to give it a bump for a close call

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get a new wife

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y would i want to do that?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I downloaded a video off some website, and it seemed like any other porn movie. But then I got bored of the dude gettin sucked off so i skipped ahead to see some more [censored]. I was scarred for life at what i saw next. The girl had put on a strap-on and was [censored] the guy in the ass with it. (And to make this travesty worse, he wasn't just bending over prison style, he was laying on his back holding his legs up with his hands like the chicks usually do).
It was definetly a boner killer.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I've been caught by a few of my friends. Never by my parents strangely enough, though my father did walk into my room with me passed out watching the public porno channel.

None of that compared to the time I jerked off to a tranny without seeing the genetalia until I was about to come. Scarred for life.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I downloaded a video off some website, and it seemed like any other porn movie. But then I got bored of the dude gettin sucked off so i skipped ahead to see some more [censored]. I was scarred for life at what i saw next. The girl had put on a strap-on and was [censored] the guy in the ass with it. (And to make this travesty worse, he wasn't just bending over prison style, he was laying on his back holding his legs up with his hands like the chicks usually do).
It was definetly a boner enhancer .

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Why the [censored] do I keep reading these?