Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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kids i know i want 100%
a wife, i'm not so sure.

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I had to laugh at this. While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids, I can assure you we've both had moments of regretting we ever got married. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I think that's pretty par for the course in marriage.

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haha, qft.

and lol @ some of the responses in this thread. 'kids are like a MLM - huge effort for incremental returns'??? lol.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

the ppl who say that kids are huge investments for little return and ppl who don't like kids usually need to take a look at their own childhoods and parents and see what went wrong..

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

[ QUOTE ]
the ppl who say that kids are huge investments for little return and ppl who don't like kids usually need to take a look at their own childhoods and parents and see what went wrong..

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This is exactly the mentality I find funny. I would never try to convince someone they shouldn't have children but parents seem to think people who don't want children are defective.

I have nothing against children. I actually volunteer at a spelling bee which has me coaching young children.

The reason I don't want children is because I value my social life more than I value having children. I love my life. If I had children my life would be boring. I tried doing the whole domestic thing for two weeks and I was so miserable that if I had to wake up to that for 16-17 years I rather just jump in front of a bus and get it over with.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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This is exactly the mentality I find funny. I would never try to convince someone they shouldn't have children but parents seem to think people who don't want children are defective.


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I don't feel that way at all. Certainly there people that don't want kids - duh it's your life, do what makes you happy.

My kids are a significant part of my happiness.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Henry17, how old are you?

I'm 24 and hate kids. Terrified at the thought of having one. I wonder when this will change.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
kids i know i want 100%
a wife, i'm not so sure.

[/ QUOTE ]
I had to laugh at this. While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids, I can assure you we've both had moments of regretting we ever got married. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] I think that's pretty par for the course in marriage.

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i know that there are ups and downs during all marriages, but i don't really see a point in getting married unless it is to raise children together.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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but parents seem to think people who don't want children are defective.

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I don't think this way at all. It's your choice. I just hope you don't wake up some day 30 years from now, when it's too late, and regret your choice. That's something I don't have to worry about.

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I tried doing the whole domestic thing for two weeks and I was so miserable that if I had to wake up to that for 16-17 years I rather just jump in front of a bus and get it over with.

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But these weren't your kids. You can't possibly understand it unless they are. This little two-week "trial period" just doesn't compute. But hey, to each his own. You'll have your answer in 30 years or so.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids

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See, I want to have kids, but statements like this actually make me think about changing my mind. First of all, I find it hard to believe that someone would never question a decision that big. And second, if having kids really does [censored] with your mind so much that you can't even longingly consider what might have been, then maybe I don't want them after all. Does this make sense to anyone?

Even though I'm a children person, I'm on Henry's side in this thread, in the sense of I think the social stigmas about this stuff are 99% ridiculous.

edit: I'm 20, since everyone is giving ages in this thread and since it seems to matter

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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I'm 24 and hate kids. Terrified at the thought of having one. I wonder when this will change.

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The day you find out you're pregnant, at least the hate part. The terrified part takes a little longer to get over -- like when they turn 1 and you finally realize they don't break as easily as you thought. [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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Henry17, how old are you?

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I'm 34

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I don't think this way at all. It's your choice. I just hope you don't wake up some day 30 years from now, when it's too late, and regret your choice. That's something I don't have to worry about.

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I know I won't regret it. I was always a maybe on the children aspect. Then I dated a girl that had a child. Then I started to have friends who have children. I've seen the impact having children has on someone's life and for me it is not worth it. I don't want pets, plants or a job for the same reasons.

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See, I want to have kids, but statements like this actually make me think about changing my mind. First of all, I find it hard to believe that someone would never question a decision that big.

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It almost seems like talking to people who have been initiated into a cult. My general thought process when I hear a friend is having a child is "ok his life is over" but I never would consider saying it or letting them know that is what I thought.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

KKF,

Your feelings are pretty typical. I never get excited excited about other people's kids, but I always look forward to spending time with my kids.

Words cannot adequately convey the feelings you get when your child runs up to you, gives you a big hug and kiss and says, "I love you daddy." The sacrifices are worth it.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Any real benefit from having children is internal, and personal. Simply looking at it from an EV standpoint is missing the point entirely. Creating and raising a new life to enjoy the world's beauty and contribute to society sounds like a wonderful opportunity.

It is the closest you'll ever get to understanding the link between us as people, and would give (me) true purpose in life. I've known my entire life that I want children. I'd like to have me own, as well adopt.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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[ QUOTE ]
While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids

[/ QUOTE ]
See, I want to have kids, but statements like this actually make me think about changing my mind. First of all, I find it hard to believe that someone would never question a decision that big. And second, if having kids really does [censored] with your mind so much that you can't even longingly consider what might have been, then maybe I don't want them after all. Does this make sense to anyone?

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This makes perfect sense, if you don't have kids. I know it gets a little cliche' after awhile, but you just can't possibly understand it until you have kids of your own. That's just the way it is.

Yes, there were times when I longed for the day the kids would be on their own and Mary and I would have our free time together. But I never once longed for the past, the days when we didn't have kids. Do you understand the difference? Probably not.

That said, now that my son is off to college, what I long for more than anything is to turn back the clock and make them young again. I am not looking forward to the empty nest, even if I may have occasionally wanted it in the past. Make sense? I doubt it. You gotta live through it to understand.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Am I the only one who likes many other people´s kids, but doesn´t want to have kids himself? I´m regularly taking care of my nephew when my sister is busy. He´s 5 years old and we get along great. I pretty much feel like an older brother reading him books, explaining stuff to him, letting him climb on trees or playing foosball which he is pretty good at for his age.

But when his parents are around and he´s tired he often gets all crazy crying and throwing things around and I don´t think I´d be able to endure this stuff 24/7 without suffering a nervous breakdown.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. I just picture having kids and rushing in the morning, dropping them off at some daycare that charges $1000 a month for probably [censored] care, having my disposable income cut by a tonne, etc as some huge negatives. Without kids I could easily retire at 45, but with kids I'd probably have to work until 55 because of the costs. I don't know of one parent who isn't totally stressed out or continously complaining about how busy it is....doesn't sound that great to me.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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While neither my wife nor I have ever regretted having kids

[/ QUOTE ]
See, I want to have kids, but statements like this actually make me think about changing my mind. First of all, I find it hard to believe that someone would never question a decision that big. And second, if having kids really does [censored] with your mind so much that you can't even longingly consider what might have been, then maybe I don't want them after all. Does this make sense to anyone?

[/ QUOTE ]
This makes perfect sense, if you don't have kids. I know it gets a little cliche' after awhile, but you just can't possibly understand it until you have kids of your own. That's just the way it is.

Yes, there were times when I longed for the day the kids would be on their own and Mary and I would have our free time together. But I never once longed for the past, the days when we didn't have kids. Do you understand the difference? Probably not.

That said, now that my son is off to college, what I long for more than anything is to turn back the clock and make them young again. I am not looking forward to the empty nest, even if I may have occasionally wanted it in the past. Make sense? I doubt it. You gotta live through it to understand.

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Henry was right. It's a cult.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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Henry was right. It's a cult.

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Ok, I can live with that based on certain definitions of "cult"

You say it like it's a bad thing. Please explain.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

having a child expands exponentially your abilities to love. Some people just aren't cut out for loving another more than themselves. You don't really know which category you fit 'til you're hit with it, and hopefully you rise to the occasion. Some people don't.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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Henry was right. It's a cult.

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Ok, I can live with that based on certain definitions of "cult"

You say it like it's a bad thing. Please explain.

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It's a bad thing because it's seriously making me question whether or not I want to have children. Having children apparently causes large changes in the mind, which is terrifying because I like my mind the way it is, thank you very much. You see the changes as warm and mature and an essential part of life, but from outside it looks like becoming one of the pod people.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

I'm laughing at the all pro-kids peeps posting long responses.
If they like the little crumbsuckers so much, why don't they get off the intra-webs and go do some parenting?

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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I'm laughing at the all pro-kids peeps posting long responses.
If they like the little crumbsuckers so much, why don't they get off the intra-webs and go do some parenting?

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Because the military school doesn't go on holiday for another day.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

I have only one regret in life, not having more children when I had the chance.

You can never consider yourself complete and mature until you marry and have kids. This is 5000 year old common wisdom. Times HAVE NOT changed but there are a whole lot more selfish folks today.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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having a child expands exponentially your abilities to love.

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Maybe if you're pregnant with gobboboy. I think for most people it's just linear.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

I haven't posted much in this thread despite not having kids being something I'm pretty sure about (I'm 31 if age matters here) because Henry17 has said pretty much everything I would say and has done it in a very eloquent manner.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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having a child expands exponentially your abilities to love.

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Maybe if you're pregnant with gobboboy. I think for most people it's just linear.

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lol

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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You can never consider yourself complete and mature until you marry and have kids. This is 5000 year old common wisdom. Times HAVE NOT changed but there are a whole lot more selfish folks today.

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I'm pretty sure I'm complete. I only took a few physiology courses but with the exception of some baby teeth I have all the rest of my original equipment.

Maturity is much harder to judge but I'm pretty sure in a western liberal society part of maturity is having the reasoning capabilities to realize that conceptions of the good are part of the personal sphere and not part of the public sphere. To believe that one's own personal conception of the good is epistemologically superior is actually an indication of immaturity.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

I'm 26 and have zero interest in having kids right now, but I'm fairly certain I will want them when I'm in my 30s. My only problem with my dormant desire to have kids is that I think having children of your own is a selfish thing to do when there are so many children in need of a good home. I fully expect to rationalize this by the time I'm ready to have kids, as well as get attacked by people who claim having children is not selfish.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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having a child expands exponentially your abilities to love.

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Maybe if you're pregnant with gobboboy. I think for most people it's just linear.

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Re: Do you want to have children?
 

I think it's extremely unethical to bring new life into this world when there are millions of starving children overseas.

Discuss.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

idk if i'll have kids, or get married for that matter

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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I think it's extremely unethical to bring new life into this world when there are millions of starving children overseas.

Discuss.

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You can't just say something in unethical. Since you are making the claim you should start off by explaining why it is unethical.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

For those asking for a defintion of the intangible benefits, you know that everyday ordinary guy in the movies, who suddenly becomes an all out super hero when his family is threatened? That's what having kids does to you. Inside you're that guy all the time because you are responsible for these people you love. You would do anything for them. You won't understand the depth of how this feels and how it changes you until you live it.

I'd also recommend reading dcasper's Post if your wife is pregnant thread.

The Poker Mom

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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I have some good friends who are in their early sixties. They are both wealthy profesionals who chose their lifestyle over having children. They now admit that it was the biggest mistake of their lives and that they could not have foreseen how it would effect them in later life.

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Why do they regret their decision? Specifically why do they feel their life is worse because of the choice they made?

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Because money and fame isn't everything.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

New to thread, me 24, her 26, no we don't plan on having kids but always say it in the "ha ha i know we're too damn young and our attitude will change" voice.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

people seem to be against having their own kids when there are kids all ready in need, so to those w/kids: do you think you would have loved an adopted child as much you love your own offspring?

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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Because money and fame isn't everything.

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True. I'd say having fun and enjoying life is what matters. A child though would greatly interfere with both of those.

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For those asking for a defintion of the intangible benefits, you know that everyday ordinary guy in the movies, who suddenly becomes an all out super hero when his family is threatened? That's what having kids does to you. Inside you're that guy all the time because you are responsible for these people you love.

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I would argue that if someone is accomplished they will already feel that way even without children. But for arguments sake lets assume that I would get some of this euphoric feeling from having a child. Is the gain from that really enough to counterbalance the negative of now having a relatively boring 15-16 years?

I can't answer that for other people but for myself I know that isn't the case. In ordering preferences I'd put death above a boring existence so even if I gained somewhat by having a child at most it would bring me up to content while by not having a child I am already at very happy.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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A child though would greatly interfere with both of those.


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Stop being naive. Let it go . . .

Drop the John Searle [censored] . . .

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Why am I being naive? Having a child = boring life for at least the 15-16 years until the child can be fairly independent. For myself no abstract positive feeling could ever be worth losing such a large percentage of the good years. It might be the correct choice for some but certainly not all. I know what I want out of life and it does not include being limited by children. To think everyone wants the same things is naive.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

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Need more parents to post in this so they convince all you idiots that kids are likely the most rewarding part of your life.

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If they are going to do that then they need to actually name specifics of how having children has improved their lives. Most of the time it is just abstract and meaningless statements like having children is "amazing" or having children was the best thing I ever did.

They never explain how or why children improved their life only that they did. The negatives of having children are pretty easy to list so why are the benefits such abstract concepts?

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Benefits include:
Give Love
Receive Love
Nurturing
Patience
Fun
Seeing the world anew through unblemished, non synical eyes
Working with someone towards a goal that is greater than yourself
Having your child reach up and grab your hand
Wrestling with your kids
Plyaing Wii/video games with kids
Eating Cheetos with your kids
Going to Disneyland and watching them skip all day
Putting on home plays
Playing hide n seek
Playing baseball
Going skating
Playing soccer
Having your son say "There are no such thing as bad people only bad manners"
Watching your kids suceed at learning
Watching Shrek Toy Story with kids
Teachng your kids manners
Having your 3 year old tell you "you don't have to talk to me that way just b/c you are frustrated"
Holding your kid when they are crying
Being there for your kid when they are sick/hurt
Building legos
Going for a walk with your toddler having him point to a car and go "auto"
Having both your kids win the VIP award 2 times in the school year both for "Integrity"
Changing your kids diapers
Cooking your kids mac an cheese jus tthe way they like it.
Having someone who ask's "Where's Dad" or "Dad will you play with me?
Having your 9 year old son tell you that his idea of a dream weekend was the one that just transpired where you had a weekend marthathon of japination.
Realizing that you could learn from your kids about being mor open and honest.
Paying $150/hr for your kid to see a child psychologist and realizing that he carries the same issues as you and that if you don't heal maybe he won't either.
Realizing your kids are spoiled and that they have a shelterd life compared to the abuse you suffered as a child but being grateful that you could stop the bs at this generation.

Realizing that it was the best decision you have ever made.
The only one you never regretted or doubted from the moment they were born.
Specific enough for you?

How long a list are looking for - I could be here all day.

Re: Do you want to have children?
 

Which is why parenthood was possabily the correct decision for you. I find all of the items listed either neutral or negative. Most of them I see as negative. There is not a single one I view as a positive.