Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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And this is a bad experience because...?

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Because he said only a little hit him. Obviously a Brag if he gives himself a full facial

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

oh i've got a good one. when i was in college i beat off and then went to a job interview with my fly still open. i didn't realize it until i got home.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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I don't know you but you're a hater.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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Is this oppsed to boning your blow up doll? Personally if I have the opportunity to wank it to some porno i use it. I have a short attention span so if i have no visual aid id just get bored and bust a quick one. with the pr0n i can cherish every stroke and than it increases my chances of shooting a huge load that might strike me in the dome if im lucky. If not itll just settle in my cupped around the dick hand and i sorta toss it in the toilet before it dissolves and drips all over the carpet than my dog might lick it uop if hes around than maybe lick my face later on so i guess either way it makes it on my face

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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the spank bank exists, but most embarassing situations are going to arise with porn - spank bank takes way longer ime, can't really use it on the job or when parents are about to get home

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

i walked into my friends place one time, go up to his room and knock on his door. he yells "DONT OPEN, IM MASTURBATING!!" so i obv burst in calling his fib. there he is no pants on, fully going at it. sees me and raises both his arms in the air like the police just busted in his room and just goes "ya caught me!" i literally had tears in my eyes it was so funny.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I was on a transatlantic flight and some barely legal hottie was sitting a bit in front of me and across the aisle. Coach airline seat way too small for me and my boner -- one of us had to go. But I want a neked body to go with her cute face so I pop my laptop open. Lights are off and everyone is sleeping, and I have a screen on my laptop that prevents anyone not viewing at a direct angle from seeing. I plug headphones in the headphone jack so nobody can hear and drag the volume all the way down. I just want 2 seconds of nakedity before I shoot into the bathroom sink.

I open the pron with my laptop open at like a 45 degree angle so that even I can just barely see it. I don't hear any sound so I know things are OK. However, I had opened the movie to the very beginning where there wasn't any sound for me to hear because this particular video is one of those 'let's drive around and pick up a real chick' movies where in the beginning it is all driving and no sexing. I raise the volume to a little below medium -- where I am certain nobody is gonna hear the sound coming out of my headphones. I don't hear any sound so I think wtf I don't need sound anyway it isn't worth the risk.

Then I click on a later point in the movie where I expect to find some titties and out of my computer speaks comes "yes yes [censored] me ya do it." I HAD PLUGGED MY HEADPHONES INTO THE MICROPHONE JACK!!?!!

Now, I had turned the volume up to about 25%, but my computer has pretty loud speakers and we are on a dead-silent plane so everyone within about ten seats heard me and there were two kids sleeping behind me. THIS IS NOT THE WORST PART!

I immediately close the vid window but there is a delay of like 5 seconds before media player actually closes. This was the longest 5 seconds of my life -- the woman beside me who was sleeping with one of those eye-shields over her face TOOK THE EYE SHIELD OFF and gave me a look of utter disgust. The sexy girls mother leaned way across her daughter to get a look at wear the sex was coming from and glared back at me. Then, staring right at me, she pressed the 'call' button to bring the flight attendant back.

So I see the flight attendant walking back towards us and I know I am about to be arrested or something and end up on the news. Just then, thank god, a miracle happens that completely saves me from utter embarrassment.

I hear a weird noise come from my side of the plane -- it sounded like someone hitting the bottom of a tin can three times -- clank, clank, clank. The captain immediately and simultaneously puts on the fasten seatbelt sign and announces that flight attendants should take their seats.

The mother gives me one more really dirty look for good measure and then looks forward again.

The plane begins losing altitude for about thirty seconds -- it feels like slowly descending in an elevator. Then, all of a sudden, the plane drops like a damn stone. We crash in the Atlantic and -- long story short -- the only two people who survive are me and the hot chicks mother. I have to wait with her in a raft for about four hours with her as she cries about her dead daughter. Although she didn't say anything, and didn't mention the porn video to authorities when they picked us up.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

you seriously wrote all that?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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i walked into my friends place one time, go up to his room and knock on his door. he yells "DONT OPEN, IM MASTURBATING!!" so i obv burst in calling his fib. there he is no pants on, fully going at it. sees me and raises both his arms in the air like the police just busted in his room and just goes "ya caught me!" i literally had tears in my eyes it was so funny.

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reminds me one time I caught a friend wackin it. Drove over to my boy Mark's house to smoke a bowl. knocked on his window and hes like WHO IS IT in a really nasty tone, im like me bro hes like hold on I peek through the blinds and hes wankin it like a champ looked like Balboa trainin for a fight sweat on his brow and all that [censored] I was like dude WTF you wackin off hurry up i aint gonna stand out here all day. he then gets really pissed off comes out the front door and bucks up like he wants to kick my ass. I was high and in a chill mood and he looked really pissed off so I just hopped in my car and drove off and he threw a rock and hit my back windshield. Weird thing was we bussed tables at a restaurant together and didnt speak for about a month. One day he just came up and apologized and we were cool again. Needless to say some people get really mad when they get interrupted right before they cum.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

wait, jackflashdrive, so is the pr0n part of that story real or not? because it's a pretty good story imo.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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I don't know you but you're a hater.

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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the spank bank exists, but most embarassing situations are going to arise with porn - spank bank takes way longer ime, can't really use it on the job or when parents are about to get home

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True enough, my spank bank just runs wild I guess

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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wait, jackflashdrive, so is the pr0n part of that story real or not? because it's a pretty good story imo.

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Eh, no. At first I thought -- worst masturbation experience? Airline lavatories. I didn't think that was BBV4Life worthy so then I just made up something good but didn't have it in me to leave people thinking it was real. I like this ending better anyway.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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wait, jackflashdrive, so is the pr0n part of that story real or not? because it's a pretty good story imo.

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Eh, no. At first I thought -- worst masturbation experience? Airline lavatories. I didn't think that was BBV4Life worthy so then I just made up something good but didn't have it in me to leave people thinking it was real. I like this ending better anyway.

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should've fresh prince rolled instead.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

I have never been caught as far as i know. I'm sure it'll happen someday, I have a long full life ahead of me.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Ok these stories are all pretty funny but one thing....most of them involve pr0n and all I want to know is what happened to the spank bank? Are your imaginations or memories of being with an actual female vivid enough?

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Yes, but this is a thread of worst experiences; the potential for embarrassment is just so, so much higher with porn. Think about it--with the spank bank, it's pretty much just you sitting there with your pants down; it's just too easy to pull up the covers and pretend you were napping. When you have something playing on the laptop, your plausible deniability goes way down.

In any case, I don't have any interesting getting-caught stories. You people are starting to make me wish I had some.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

Yo, don't you guys have flys on your pants? Most of these situations could have been avoided if you didn't take off your pants at work/friends house/cousins house/whatev.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Yo, don't you guys have flys on your pants? Most of these situations could have been avoided if you didn't take off your pants at work/friends house/cousins house/whatev.

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This is dangerous territory DUCY?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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I have never been caught as far as i know. I'm sure it'll happen someday, I have a long full life ahead of me.

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Besides the OP when I got caught dick in hand I am otherwise a sort of James Bond of beatin my meat. one time i beat it while drivin 80 mph on 1-95 with my wife asleep in the passenger seat without getting caught. I hate wasting a spontaneous boner.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Yo, don't you guys have flys on your pants? Most of these situations could have been avoided if you didn't take off your pants at work/friends house/cousins house/whatev.

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Try to act fast and fix things up when theres a period of 5 seconds when you gotta do it to avoid getting caught. Like shut down porn, pull your pants up and close the zipper or buttons, wipe the sweat off your face, try to look cool etc. Harder than you think.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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"damn, these porn ads with voice included are pissing me off"

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Nice recovery. It looked like you were busted (no pun intended) for a minute there.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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wait, jackflashdrive, so is the pr0n part of that story real or not? because it's a pretty good story imo.

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Eh, no. At first I thought -- worst masturbation experience? Airline lavatories. I didn't think that was BBV4Life worthy so then I just made up something good but didn't have it in me to leave people thinking it was real. I like this ending better anyway.

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should've fresh prince rolled instead.

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i was completely expecting a prince roll.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

lol at the ones so far. chopsticks' one is awesome.

ok so I'm in the car with my parents on the way home school, and they want to pass by a furniture place on the way home. So I'm just like, "aight i'll just chill in the car", so they park outside this massive multi story furniture display store and go up to have a look.

So I'm there in the car, in the back seat, bored. Then I start remembering how hot my science teacher was that day, which was this hella hot asian chick (i'm sure she wasn't that old either) with glasses. So i decide to have a pull, whilst inside the car parked on the side of a relatively busy street, in broad daylight.

So I move as far to the side of the car as possible away from the sidewalk. However, because we're parked on the other side of the road from the furniture store, I just happen to be right up against the window facing this store that's on the other side of the road.

Anyway I bust it out and start having an awesome incogneto wank. Everything's going well, like I've got the mad images of me nailing my science teacher while she's wearing a labcoat and DPing herself with a small test tube. Anywya, I look up at the furniture store, and there is my mum looking down from like the second or third story, literally going psycho and waving her arms around. I'm like, 'O snap', so I don't get to finish ldo.

So anyway, I just decide to chill there for a bit, and about 5 minutes later my parents get into the car and my mum gives me a really dirty look. Like obv I can't do or say anything do I just stay silent. Anyway, the drive home seemed to take forever. And when we pulled up to a house about seven or eight, And I yelled to the cabby yo, holms smell you later, Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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Try to imagine a situation where youre standing in front of a bald, 40ish fat guy and looking him into his eyes and cumming at the same time.

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is this standard for anyone else?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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lol at the ones so far. chopsticks' one is awesome.

ok so I'm in the car with my parents on the way home school, and they want to pass by a furniture place on the way home. So I'm just like, "aight i'll just chill in the car", so they park outside this massive multi story furniture display store and go up to have a look.

So I'm there in the car, in the back seat, bored. Then I start remembering how hot my science teacher was that day, which was this hella hot asian chick (i'm sure she wasn't that old either) with glasses. So i decide to have a pull, whilst inside the car parked on the side of a relatively busy street, in broad daylight.

So I move as far to the side of the car as possible away from the sidewalk. However, because we're parked on the other side of the road from the furniture store, I just happen to be right up against the window facing this store that's on the other side of the road.

Anyway I bust it out and start having an awesome incogneto wank. Everything's going well, like I've got the mad images of me nailing my science teacher while she's wearing a labcoat and DPing herself with a small test tube. Anywya, I look up at the furniture store, and there is my mum looking down from like the second or third story, literally going psycho and waving her arms around. I'm like, 'O snap', so I don't get to finish ldo.

So anyway, I just decide to chill there for a bit, and about 5 minutes later my parents get into the car and my mum gives me a really dirty look. Like obv I can't do or say anything do I just stay silent. Anyway, the drive home seemed to take forever. And when we pulled up to a house about seven or eight, And I yelled to the cabby yo, holms smell you later, Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.

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Good work, imo.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

btw my story is 100% true, but i just couldn't resist adding the fresh prince roll at the end

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

never by a human but my cat caught me and seemed to like it so now I make him watch every time

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

can this thread be sticky?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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can this thread be sticky?

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It probably already is for some people.

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

One time i was caught pretending to jerk off

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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One time i was caught pretending to jerk off

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ban plz

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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btw my story is 100% true, but i just couldn't resist adding the fresh prince roll at the end

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What was your plan for "finishing"? ie. Floor of car, open door and sneakily paint the pavement? hmm, curious. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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btw my story is 100% true, but i just couldn't resist adding the fresh prince roll at the end

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What was your plan for "finishing"? ie. Floor of car, open door and sneakily paint the pavement? hmm, curious. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

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maybe it was a car that had an ashtray

also, lozl at that story

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

There was a tissuebox in the car.

ducy?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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can this thread be sticky?

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It probably already is for some people.

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i see what you did there

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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There was a tissuebox in the car.

ducy?

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you're asian?

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

n0pe

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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prince roll

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wcu9h...eature=related

Re: Worst beating off experience
 

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should've fresh prince rolled instead.

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The ways of BBV4Life frighten and confuse me.