Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

tell HER to add you on facebook... be like yeah me, 'john smith, ohio state' just about every random girl has facebook so this would be an easy way to get her name.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

intelligence is definately a deal breaker. long term its a lot more important than looks imo.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
Simple question for you guys. I met a girl at a bar the other night. I'm incredibly drunk, probably hovering around being blacked out, and start hitting it off with this girl towards the end of the night. We leave the bar together in search of food. Eventually she gives me a ride home and we make out for a little while in front of my house. The problem is I inputed her number in my phone and dialed it rather than entering it as a new address with her name. When I woke up on Sunday, blank, I realize I have no clue what her name is. From what I remember she seems worth calling and trying to hang out with her again.

Note: Her voice mail doesn't contain her name.

What's the best line here? Call and explain I forgot her name? Other?

[/ QUOTE ]

I would call her and be completely honest. "Hey, this is ____, we met at the ____ bar the other night. Listen, you're going to think less of me, and probably never talk to me again, but I'm just going to be honest and say that I don't remember your name, but I do remember that I had a nice time with you. Do you want to get together sometime next week to discuss my drinking problem?"

tc

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

i should also add that this makes you sound like a huge alcoholic. you might take out the last line or at least follow it with, "i'm kidding, i don't really have a drinking problem, but it was a rough night," or something.

that is, unless you do have a drinking problem, in which case you might as well just be honest with her up front.

tc

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

Taylor,

Do you have a drinking problem? It's ok, you can tell us. We will make fun of you.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
i should also add that this makes you sound like a huge alcoholic. you might take out the last line or at least follow it with, "i'm kidding, i don't really have a drinking problem, but it was a rough night," or something.

that is, unless you do have a drinking problem, in which case you might as well just be honest with her up front.

tc

[/ QUOTE ]

rofl

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Simple question for you guys. I met a girl at a bar the other night. I'm incredibly drunk, probably hovering around being blacked out, and start hitting it off with this girl towards the end of the night. We leave the bar together in search of food. Eventually she gives me a ride home and we make out for a little while in front of my house. The problem is I inputed her number in my phone and dialed it rather than entering it as a new address with her name. When I woke up on Sunday, blank, I realize I have no clue what her name is. From what I remember she seems worth calling and trying to hang out with her again.

Note: Her voice mail doesn't contain her name.

What's the best line here? Call and explain I forgot her name? Other?

[/ QUOTE ]

I would call her and be completely honest. "Hey, this is ____, we met at the ____ bar the other night. Listen, you're going to think less of me, and probably never talk to me again, but I'm just going to be honest and say that I don't remember your name, but I do remember that I had a nice time with you. Do you want to get together sometime next week to discuss my drinking problem?"

tc

[/ QUOTE ]

I think this line is great except lose the never talk to me again and think less of me stuff. Just skip it, it's not going to help in any way.

Ideally it's best to work in *something* about the night you do remember. She's going to be much more excited to hang out with you again if you can remind her why you two had so much fun.

Yugoslav

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
i should also add that this makes you sound like a huge alcoholic. you might take out the last line or at least follow it with, "i'm kidding, i don't really have a drinking problem, but it was a rough night," or something.

that is, unless you do have a drinking problem, in which case you might as well just be honest with her up front.

tc

[/ QUOTE ]

That last line is awesome and probably the best part of what you said! Except only as a joke, which is what it should sound like if you lose all the apologetic wimpy talk near the beginning. Definitely don't ever explain that you're joking unless it's clear she didn't get it.

Yugoslav

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

garcia1k,

How do *you* feel about your current g/f?

Yugoslav

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i should also add that this makes you sound like a huge alcoholic. you might take out the last line or at least follow it with, "i'm kidding, i don't really have a drinking problem, but it was a rough night," or something.

that is, unless you do have a drinking problem, in which case you might as well just be honest with her up front.

tc

[/ QUOTE ]

That last line is awesome and probably the best part of what you said! Except only as a joke, which is what it should sound like if you lose all the apologetic wimpy talk near the beginning. Definitely don't ever explain that you're joking unless it's clear she didn't get it.

Yugoslav

[/ QUOTE ]

yugo trying to turn into a playa!

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
tell HER to add you on facebook... be like yeah me, 'john smith, ohio state' just about every random girl has facebook so this would be an easy way to get her name.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is prob best way if shes younger college aged girl. otherwise id have someone else call her and be like hey is jessica there? no? oh im sorry who is this? oh ok cool thanks, sorry to bother you. later!

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i should also add that this makes you sound like a huge alcoholic. you might take out the last line or at least follow it with, "i'm kidding, i don't really have a drinking problem, but it was a rough night," or something.

that is, unless you do have a drinking problem, in which case you might as well just be honest with her up front.

tc

[/ QUOTE ]

That last line is awesome and probably the best part of what you said! Except only as a joke, which is what it should sound like if you lose all the apologetic wimpy talk near the beginning. Definitely don't ever explain that you're joking unless it's clear she didn't get it.

Yugoslav

[/ QUOTE ]

yugo trying to turn into a playa!

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't think you need to sound like a tough guy here. she was sober, you guys already made out, she had fun, etc. you just need to get her name. true, you could do it by one of the other ways, but sometimes just laying it out there honestly (yet subtly being funny/cute) is the best way to go.

now, if you're at a club and you meet a girl, tlak for a bit, then go to the bathroom and forget her name, this wont work. this is a different scenario though, and i've always found that once a girl has proven she has some interest, you don't need to play "the game," unless she starts to herself.

this also all depends on the delivery. if you are someone who sounds unconfident or might get caught up in your words, i recommend not trying to sarcastically say what i mentioned.

tc

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
Hey guys,

Have any of you dated or married or whatever with a girl who is significantly less intelligent than you?

How important is having comparable intelligence levels in a long term relationship?

For example, if your girlfriend was really nice to you, had a great personality, and was physically attractive, but she is not as smart as you, how would that impact things? Where does intelligence rank on the totem pole?

[/ QUOTE ]

i never have and i doubt i ever could. for casual dating it would be completely fine, but for a long ter relationship i think it works best to have two people with reasonably similar levels of intelligence.

for me personally, i'd rather have the girl be smarter than me than the other way around. i think this all fits in somewhere near the top of the list of what i would look for in a girl.

tc

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

I think I'm one of the guys who would hate having a girl who was smarter than me

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think I'm one of the guys who would hate having a girl who was smarter than me

[/ QUOTE ]
I think dating a girl that is smarter than me is so hot.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

I would love to date a girl who is smarter than me. But it would be very difficult to find [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Anyway, with regards to my own situation, I totally love her now and everything is great. But I have learned that in life, planning and looking ahead is important. What will it be like if I marry her and it's two decades later?

I think the response is sort of mixed on this issue... how should I go about thinking about this intelligence thing?

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think the response is sort of mixed on this issue... how should I go about thinking about this intelligence thing?

[/ QUOTE ]

You could offer an intelligence test - offer her a free $2,000 and see if she takes it.



Or, more seriously, realise that there are no hard and fast rules in this area. If it works for you, it works for you. If you like her, great; if you don't, move on.

What other people makes them happy won't necessarily make you happy.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
tell HER to add you on facebook... be like yeah me, 'john smith, ohio state' just about every random girl has facebook so this would be an easy way to get her name.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is prob best way if shes younger college aged girl. otherwise id have someone else call her and be like hey is jessica there? no? oh im sorry who is this? oh ok cool thanks, sorry to bother you. later!

[/ QUOTE ]

this reminds me of that bringing a girl a cup of coffee thing... but most of the girls i know would never out their name to a stranger over the phone

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

update:

Texted her a message signing my name at the bottom hoping she would respond in a similar fashion today. A couple of hours later she sends back the following: "yes [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]. let's do it againu."

I Think I'm going to go with the TC route; will give an update with results.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
But I have learned that in life, planning and looking ahead is important. What will it be like if I marry her and it's two decades later?

[/ QUOTE ]
How did you learn that it's important to take the next 20 years into consideration when you make a decision? I have learnt the complete opposite: [censored] the future, it's unpredictable, just worry about what happens in the next year or so.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Have any of you dated or married or whatever with a girl who is significantly less intelligent than you?

[/ QUOTE ]

No offense to the ladies, but I'm strongly considering looking for a chick who doesn't speak english on the other side of the world (this doesn't mean she's stupid, but her intelligence will be hard to discern beyond the speed with which she picks up english). I think a loving relationship could develop and might even be more sustainable in this kind of situation, but I'd welcome other thoughts.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol - Sounds like you want a relationship where you can pretend everything is good. If you could understand what she is saying you think you might not like what you hear.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

The power imbalance would prevent any kind of meaningful relationship from developing in that situation. Someone who can't speak the local language is 100% dependent.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]

for me personally, i'd rather have the girl be smarter than me than the other way around.

[/ QUOTE ]

Too bad girls naturally look for guys smarter than they are. I'd rather have it the other way around as well.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

my situation:

Had girlfriend for 11 months. Amazing at the start, lots of fun. Last two months filled with petty arguments and some deep-seeded communication issues, mostly stemming from girlfriend's selfishness. Finally broke it off three weeks ago, told her I couldn't be friends with her or talk to her.

Go on weekend camping trip with a guy friend and a girlfriend of the ex's. Asked nicely specifically by the ex to not get with her friend. Hook up with the friend who would be a nice friend/fuckbuddy but not interested in a relationship.

The ex pops by today with the intention to give me a letter she wrote, but doesn't have it. Then asks me to let her take me out to dinner for my birthday, says that she's sorry for the way things ended, how she handled things, etc. and that she now realizes that I'm more important to her than she thought I was.

I'm pretty much over the whole situation, feeling like I put in way more than she did towards the end and being turned off to being so committed for a while in general. Pretty sure I don't want a relationship, but then again things were amazing when they were good.

Does it ever work out when I let her take me to dinner? Is it worth it? Keep in mind I cut off communication for the sole purpose of clearing my head.

If I do get involved again, how [censored] will it be to tell her I got with (but did not have sex with yet) her friend? I feel like it'll be on my mind but I'll feel like I can't say it.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'll just say no and truly cut off communication forever, but wanted to hear if anyone had a good experience with a salvaged relationship. It is also an option to start dating the ex again but not get too serious but I doubt this could work because of our history together; I wouldn't want her to date other people and vice versa. But I don't want to be in a relationship, or so I think.

Just confused about this whole mess and can't clearly answer the question of whether or not I should give it a chance. I feel like there is not much harm in being taken out to dinner but that may just be the top of a slippery slope.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

JaBlue: IMO you shouldn't take your ex up on her offer unless it is specifically because you want to sex her and nothing more.

If you do decide to get back together with her, just know that at first things may be absolutely fantastic but you can pretty much bet with 100% certainty that things will eventually go back to the way they were when you originally broke up. There are lots of girls out there - why not take some time to enjoy living the single life instead?

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

I've been dating the same girl since my junior year of high school. We started out like a lot of people did back then, we were together to [censored] like rabbits. As we got older, our relationship grew to the point where we loved each other and began forming a real relationship. We've gone to different colleges for the last 3.5 years (Princeton and UMich) and we're planning on living with each other after we graduate. She is going to do grad school and I'm going to play poker (which she is cool with) and volunteer/do research for a year , then I'm going to decide if I really want to go to med school like I had originally planned.

I love her more than anything, and I honestly feel like she's my best friend. We're going on a trip to Maui over Christmas (ty poker) and I'm thinking about asking her to marry me by a waterfall in Hana. The only reason why I'm hesitant to ask is our age. None of my friends really can talk about what I should think about or expect and my parents had nothing to say but that expected it and supported it when I told them I was thinking about proposing. Basically I'm asking if I'm crazy to do this, and what some of the older guys think about a young engagement/marriage.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

If you love her more than anything, have similar thoughts about the future, and the sex is good, it doesn't sound very crazy to me.

DISCLAIMER: 30/Male never been married

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've been dating the same girl since my junior year of high school. We started out like a lot of people did back then, we were together to [censored] like rabbits. As we got older, our relationship grew to the point where we loved each other and began forming a real relationship. We've gone to different colleges for the last 3.5 years (Princeton and UMich) and we're planning on living with each other after we graduate. She is going to do grad school and I'm going to play poker (which she is cool with) and volunteer/do research for a year , then I'm going to decide if I really want to go to med school like I had originally planned.

I love her more than anything, and I honestly feel like she's my best friend. We're going on a trip to Maui over Christmas (ty poker) and I'm thinking about asking her to marry me by a waterfall in Hana. The only reason why I'm hesitant to ask is our age. None of my friends really can talk about what I should think about or expect and my parents had nothing to say but that expected it and supported it when I told them I was thinking about proposing. Basically I'm asking if I'm crazy to do this, and what some of the older guys think about a young engagement/marriage.

[/ QUOTE ]

I say hold off until you decide if you want to go to med school or not. Med school causes an insane strain on relationships so I think it would be best to see how your relationship will unfold if you are in school. If things are still going well while in school then I say propose.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
JaBlue: IMO you shouldn't take your ex up on her offer unless it is specifically because you want to sex her and nothing more.

[/ QUOTE ]

Even then I say no.

1) Unfair to Ex who will miss read dinner + sex as more than it is.

2) Sex - dealing with the drama that will come from #1 not worth it. Easier to just have sex with someone else where there will be no drama

Also does the Ex know about hooking with the friend yet?

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

I've been on a couple dates with a chick who I get along with fairly well, but I don't see any kind of long term relationship developing from it. She isn't in school, and isn't exactly at the same place I am. We aren't "official" or exclusive.

I've made out with this chick, but I have a feeling I won't be getting much more from her unless I commit to some sort of relationship.

This past weekend, I f'd a 23 year old mom, which was fun, and I'd like to continue doing so (outlook: promising!), but I don't want to start a relationship with her for obvious reasons. Not to mention she is in some sort of weird long distance relationship that I can't exactly figure out. (Her facebook status is listed as in a relationship, and her looking for category is: random play).

Anyone have any suggestions about what I should do from here?

If it matters to any of you, milfy is hotter than the chick I've been on a few dates with.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
Her facebook status is listed as in a relationship, and her looking for category is: random play

[/ QUOTE ]
I wonder how she got pregnant...... just make sure you wrap it up everytime you hit it.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've been dating the same girl since my junior year of high school. We started out like a lot of people did back then, we were together to [censored] like rabbits. As we got older, our relationship grew to the point where we loved each other and began forming a real relationship. We've gone to different colleges for the last 3.5 years (Princeton and UMich) and we're planning on living with each other after we graduate. She is going to do grad school and I'm going to play poker (which she is cool with) and volunteer/do research for a year , then I'm going to decide if I really want to go to med school like I had originally planned.

I love her more than anything, and I honestly feel like she's my best friend. We're going on a trip to Maui over Christmas (ty poker) and I'm thinking about asking her to marry me by a waterfall in Hana. The only reason why I'm hesitant to ask is our age. None of my friends really can talk about what I should think about or expect and my parents had nothing to say but that expected it and supported it when I told them I was thinking about proposing. Basically I'm asking if I'm crazy to do this, and what some of the older guys think about a young engagement/marriage.

[/ QUOTE ]

I started dating my future wife halfway through my freshman year in college, proposed the summer after I graduated (age 21), and was married by age 24 (law school = long engagement).

Do I ever have any regrets about it? Sure, sometimes -- I missed out on being a young guy with the chance to play the field in a big city; I probably have fewer "fun" stories than a lot of people my age.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. I knew she was the one, and while it would have been perfect if we had met a few years later, that wasn't how it happened. I wasn't about to let her slip away because we happened to meet young. We're on the eighth year of a happy marriage.

Short answer: yeah, there are trade-offs, but if you love her, getting engaged and married young isn't crazy.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

I have a strange problem with girls. Every girl that I become to attracted to, or becomes attracted to me, is hitched, or I am in direct competition with some other dude (sorta hitched, but she's not sure).

Essentially, I always become the "rebound guy," or the girl never tells me about that she is cheating on someone else.

My present story:

I am not seeing this girl, nor am I talking much to her. I know she wants to break the ice with me. I can't deny that this thinking is mutual. I know that she has a boyfriend. It is weird because I want to talk to her, but I don't want to go to that area either, since I been there before and the results are never good. I will elaborate more if anyone is game.

The question is how to balance this.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

Dave

Not sure what you mean by balance?

If you don't want to be "the other guy" then there is nothing to do. You just have to let this one go and find someone else. That being said I'd give this some more thought. Being the other guy has many benefits.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

^^^^ Yes! It has benefits.

It can be frustrating, but on the other hand, we have to accept our lots in life, amirite?

More serious. It's that I want to get to know her, and yep, I still have my other life to explore without any worries. I always hate the question: "How should I approach her?"

The answer is always: "Say, hi."

Just wondering how to dodge the pit-falls that are sure to come about.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

What are the pitfalls that you perceive are sure to come?

The only time I ever saw any pitfalls from being the other guy was when I dated a NHL goon's GF and then had to avoid a few bars. I really don't see any pitfalls unless you are afraid you'll fall for her even though you know the situation going in. If that is your fear then don't do it.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]

I love her more than anything, and I honestly feel like she's my best friend. We're going on a trip to Maui over Christmas (ty poker) and I'm thinking about asking her to marry me by a waterfall in Hana. The only reason why I'm hesitant to ask is our age. None of my friends really can talk about what I should think about or expect and my parents had nothing to say but that expected it and supported it when I told them I was thinking about proposing. Basically I'm asking if I'm crazy to do this, and what some of the older guys think about a young engagement/marriage.

[/ QUOTE ]

Have you guys talked about getting engaged? If not, do so and see where she stands. You can get a feel for what the situation is likely to be like. What are your reasons for wanting to get engaged? What will it change about your situation?

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

No, I learned the hard way that some girls have a fantasy about men fighting over them. I guess your right. I just have to go for it. Duh.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've been on a couple dates with a chick who I get along with fairly well, but I don't see any kind of long term relationship developing from it. She isn't in school, and isn't exactly at the same place I am. We aren't "official" or exclusive.

I've made out with this chick, but I have a feeling I won't be getting much more from her unless I commit to some sort of relationship.

This past weekend, I f'd a 23 year old mom, which was fun, and I'd like to continue doing so (outlook: promising!), but I don't want to start a relationship with her for obvious reasons. Not to mention she is in some sort of weird long distance relationship that I can't exactly figure out. (Her facebook status is listed as in a relationship, and her looking for category is: random play).

Anyone have any suggestions about what I should do from here?

If it matters to any of you, milfy is hotter than the chick I've been on a few dates with.

[/ QUOTE ]
I love milfs.

Re: Personal / dating / whatever life situation gen advice - volume 2
 

Hey, I'd really appreciate it if some of you would take a look at my Match.com profile and let me know what can be improved.

My username there is coffeeMMMcoffee .

Ya I know the first thing that could be improved is the username -- just put that aside for now though. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Edit: Here is the link