Two Plus Two Newer Archives - MARCHRON'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

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Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Wouldn't he be J.R.R. Rowling or whoever it is?

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Yeah its not a great analogy because marchron, the author greatly resembles "Irish Mike" the lead protagonist [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]. Or perhaps antagonist [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

JK Rowling.. not to be confused w/ JRR Tolkien [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Honestly, I don't know whose TRs are better, my boy Marchon or BBB, but since March is an LT member, I gotta ship him da gorgonzolas.

My favorite part: SOAGDB HYA(CHA X5)
Brilliant!

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
My favorite part: SOAGDB HYA(CHA X5)
Brilliant!

[/ QUOTE ]

seconded and NC title nominated

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

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the new Harry Potter of poker

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New title b/c no one gets the Snakes on a Plane reference anymore.

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I second the motion!!!

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New title yes (thanks Wook), Harry Potter no. Sorry.

Colossal finale coming later tonight.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

After some thought, perhaps the analogy should be: Marchron ~Jonathan Swift, featuring "Irish Mike" in lieu of Gulliver.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
the new Harry Potter of poker

[/ QUOTE ]

New title b/c no one gets the Snakes on a Plane reference anymore.

[/ QUOTE ]

I second the motion!!!

[/ QUOTE ]
New title yes (thanks Wook), Harry Potter no. Sorry.

Colossal finale coming later tonight.

[/ QUOTE ]

I just suggested that so you can keep your grouch on, what with boz still being away and all. Keep up the good work.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
Colossal finale coming later tonight.

[/ QUOTE ]
You know, on second thought, I think I'll split these up.

FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORT DAY 3

Hi, I'm Irish Mike, and I'll be your Trip Report Guide today.

Hi, I'm Irish Mike's translator. For all those of you who have never read 2+2 before, I'll be here to explain what the hell some of this crap means. It's almost as if we speak an entirely different language. Vets, I'll explain why this is necessary in a minute, but until then, order to keep the flow of the story moving for you guys, from here on out my text will appear in white. Just click and scroll to read it. And for a video with more about me, click here.

What you just fell victim to was a "rickroll," where unsuspecting 'net-surfers think they're clicking on a legitimate link, but instead get sent to a video of "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. Once you've clicked, you are honor-bound to watch the whole thing. And if any of you vets got suckered by that, shame on you.

At the conclusion of Part III, I pronounced "Sleep is overrated." And shortly after submitting that post, I realized just how wrong I was when I ordered coffee, black, from the cocktail waitress. I distinctly remember doing this. But there were two things that were very obviously wrong with that:

1. I never drink black coffee.
2. I was at my house.

Somehow, I staggered off to bed at just after 9 AM and didn't wake up until almost 5 PM Saturday afternoon. Guh, I've missed almost a whole day, and this little party ends tomorrow so I need to figure out some way of fixing my sleepclock. Hmm . . . guess there's nothing left to do but an alllllll-nighter, hell yeah. I arrive at Four Winds' E-Poker Room at just after 6:30 and discover one thing instantly: the TVs were all showing the Cubs game. This is great, because for the two days and three nights previous, those TVs had all been fixed on ESPN, and let me tell you, there's nothing I like more when playing poker than watching "Pardon The Interruption" . . . on mute. I think we can all agree that Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon are better heard and not seen, if they should be allowed to be heard or seen at all.

So the fact that someone in Central Security found a remote control was awesome, but all of the TVs in the poker room are a good 15 feet off the ground. I'd like to see it closer, please. So I walk out into the non-poker poker game area and discover that those TVs were on the Cubs game as well. I sit down at Pai Gow, just to be doing something while watching the game, and discover that it's basically as wild as Pai Gow can get. The first three seats were occupied by a husband and wife and their friend, and the fourth was by someone who looked like Johnny Chan, only miniature, and Johnny Chan isn't exactly a giant of a fellow to begin with. Well after the Cubs game ended, I was still there, getting liquored up on their dimes. I left with about a $3 profit, lol pusheveryotherhandaments.

"lol _____aments" was originally "lol donkaments," a catch-all response to anyone who was the victim of an atrocious suckout in a tournament, especially a low buy-in tourney featuring lots of "donks," awful players. Eventually, it morphed into a general "eh, what can ya do?" statement, with the specific object or sentiment crammed into the space before "aments," so what I said, translated, was "I played for a while and only won $3, but hey, it's Pai Gow, that happens when almost every hand is a push." Nobody really says "lol donkaments" anymore unless it's an intentionally sarcastic statement about a high buy-in tournament (like the WSOP Main Event) or when we pledge large amounts to charities headed by players like Barry Greenstein or Phil Gordon in exchange for them saying it and/or giving us a shoutout on TV.

When I finally decided to play real poker on artificial tables, I got seated at another fairly rowdy table. I'd been toeing the Mike Matusow/Tony G line between garrulous entertainment and arrogant prickishness since I'd been there, but I found someone who was even louder and more boisterous than I was: Dave. Dave's standards for raising preflop were, by his own admission, any two cards that were red (not necessarily SUITED, just RED), or any hand containing at least one 8, and I think he was serious. He would also say things like, "I guess if I have the nuts I should press THIS button," then bet and watch everyone call him down when he had the nuts, usually something like 4[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] 3[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] that made a straight. What caught my attention, though, was that when Dave found a hand he'd play until the river, he always bet it for value. This was refreshing, and I told him so, because at a level like 3/6 people would check top set of Kings on the river because the running two cards that filled the backdoor straight for 62 got there. (Seriously, I saw that.) So naturally, the first hand I played with Dave, I had A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] A[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img], the river made the board 8[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] Jx Q[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] 9x K[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] and I didn't have the stones to value-bet into him heads-up with every single hand in history getting there. "I would have paid you off," he said when I won the showdown. Why, what did you have? "A pocket pair." Huh, every single pair from KK to 88 beats me on that board, why did you pay off a much smaller pair with all those overcards on the flop and turn? "'Cause, they were RED sevens." Oh, okay. Have another beer, Dave.

Speaking of boisterous, two of the players there had screennames in capital letters, MITCH and JASON K. They didn't do a lot of talking, but they did do a lot of sucking out, so much so that I christened MITCH with my "MacGyver" moniker, and he seemed to dig it as much as Donkald did the day before. So you may all feel free to steal it. I was also trying to outdo Dave in terms of general rowdiness, so everyone else at the table got a nickname, usually built off whatever screenname they'd selected. So the old black guy named Ronald became "Ronald McDonald," the chubby gray-haired guy named Ken became "Ken Doll," and Ken's girlfriend? Amy became "Aaaaammmyyyyy, whatchuwannado?" Pure Prairie League FTW.

"FTW" is "for the win" in internet-speak, said in the same confident manner as contestants on "Hollywood Squares."

I was in Seat 10 on that table, Dave was in Seat 7. I beat Dave out of another couple of pots and ran up $75, so on a smoke break, I went out to the Pai Gow table to check on my new friends and pay them back all the drinks I owed them because I was kicking so much ass. When I get back, Wes had sat down in Seat 8, soon to be followed by yet another Mike, in Seat 9, and they were the bane of my existence for most of the rest of the night. I watched Wes suck out on Mike with K4 vs. AK when they both flopped a pair, but Wes hit a runner-runner straight to win, and from then on out Mike tried to isolate Wes in every hand they were in together, which made it really expensive for me to try to isolate the both of them. For example, they both limp and I raise AT[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], MITCH and JASON K call, Dave has two red cards (but not an 8, otherwise he three-bets) so obviously he's in, and we see a flop of KTx. Wes bets, Mike raises, I three-bet, folds around, so it's three ways to the turn where the board pairs Kings. Wes checks, Mike bets, I say "Well, you can't have the King, because you'd check/raise me" and call, Wes check/raises as if he had Dave's "if you have the nuts, press here" button, Mike calls, I LOL and fold. The hand ends with Mike having JT and Wes having the obvious KJ, and Mike is stunned that I folded a better hand than his.

After a few more hands I realize I've got them pegged wrong; they're not donks, they're just the LAGTAGs you hate playing when you're in a fishbowl, because they get in a lot of pots and they're a pain in the ass when they do. Plus, they knew how to extract value; I saw Wes value-bet a 6-high one-card flush, and get paid off. I was quickly going broke trying to force them out, until a timely hand when I had TT and flopped a set in a four-way capped pot, while Ken Doll had AK and flopped TPTK, and that put me back at break-even. After that, I changed my strategy against Wes and Mike; instead of attempting to outplay them, I'd just hit them upside the head with my luckbox and rob them when they were lying on the floor dazed.

Luckbox is just what it sounds, only it's a metaphor. At least, I'm pretty sure it's a metaphor.

I limp in from EP with QTs, MITCH limps in, Wes limps from the button, we see a flop of Kxx. I check, MITCH checks, Wes bets, I call, MITCH folds. No, I didn't have a straight draw, but I had six clean outs. Turn 9, I check, he bets, I call with four more outs; river 10, check bet call, I win with a pair of tens, mwahahahaha. Later, after a smoke break, I come back and log in (when you sit out a hand, the table reserves your seat for you, but you still have to log back in to play) and forget that once you do, the table will post missed blinds automatically, so I'm stuck posting second to act. Mike raises UTG, and I warn him that I'm calling with any two since he basically did the same to me when I raised his post and he called with T6o and outflopped me. I look down and see 95s and call; MITCH three-bets. Oops. Mike and I call and the flop is 99J, and I catch Mike with AJ and MITCH with QQ, ship it.

On my next smoke break, I'm talking with a couple guys outside the poker room, mistaking them for other players. They ask me what I think, and I tell them basically what I've told everyone else: while I miss some of the poker ambience, the electronic tables speed up the game and free up the casino to charge less rake. They 'fess up that they're with PokerTek, the company that makes the tables, and then they ask me about recommendations. Straddling and chopping? "Those will be available after the system upgrade in October that will include adding Stud." Okay, if you have Stud that means you can have HORSE, right? "Actually, we were thinking about programming a dealer's choice variant." Sweet, all you need now is 6-max tables. (And are you hiring? Let me know where to send a résumé.)

After I go back in, I think to ask one of them something else, so I flag him down. I forget what it was, exactly, but it basically came directly from this thread. He starts with "Yeah, we read that somewhere . . . " then looks me over: Notre Dame T-shirt. "Whassup Bro?" hat with the PPA pin in it. "Hey, you're the guy from 2+2, right?" Holy [censored], you read that? "Yeah, it was hilarious." Did you understand any of it? "No, not really, but the MS Paint thing was funny as hell." Then he gave me a polo shirt. They gave out hats to everyone who wanted one, but I'm special, I get a shirt. Ship it.

I'm not sure how the MS Paint phenomenon started here, but it made logical sense. Regular pictures: not funny. Pictures altered with PhotoShop: funny. Pictures crudely drawn by hand or with an anciently old program: HILARIOUS.

The place was still hot well after midnight, but my cards were cold. Dave, inspired by my "Irish Mike" moniker, went and got his name changed to "Poker Dave," which seemed a little silly, but it reminded me of Super Dave, which is awesome. He also moved from Seat 7 to Seat 3. Even though the place was busy, it seemed to take a turn for the worse in terms of action. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like after midnight, a lot of poker rooms go from fun to serious. Even Dave was quiet, but maybe that was just because he'd either quit drinking or drank too much. Wes and Dave had left, but in Poker Dave's old seat came a "Michael," and I had to comment about that, since I'd seen 391 different "Mikes" walk in, but he was the first "Michael." He never took the iPod headphones out of his ears to acknowledge me. Okay, you're pretty serious for 3/6 limit. After about forever and a day, I pick up QQ in middle position. Michael limps, I raise with much fanfare, and the table respected my raise because I only got five coldcallers instead of seven. Michael calls and the flop comes Kxx with two clubs. Michael donks, I raise, it's called three or four times and Michael three-bets. I LOL and fold, knowing QQ can't possibly be good. Turn is a blank, river is a non-club 8; Michael wins the pot with 87[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] for a pair of eights and I go on insta-tilt. I fold the next couple hands and log off before the big blind.

How am I going to spend the rest of the night? Will I ever recover from my crazy monkey tilt? This and more, next time.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Nice one. You basically went there, did it and got the polo shirt. Awesome.

Also nice to get an intro into the local vocabulary, had more or less figured the ...aments thing out, but it is nice to know for sure. I wouldn't want to end up in any predicaments. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

March,

Hey, you promised the conclusion, not a cliffhanger.

All,

Ban until completion?

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Never ban Marchron. Genius storytellers should be exempt from ban.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
March,

Hey, you promised the conclusion, not a cliffhanger.

All,

Ban until completion?

[/ QUOTE ]
Now you're going to nit up on me. It'll still be done in less time than BBB's.

And besides, in case you haven't noticed, I haven't posted anywhere else since Thursday morning. So I'm already on a self-imposed ban. Nyah.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
March,

Hey, you promised the conclusion, not a cliffhanger.

All,

Ban until completion?

[/ QUOTE ]

gogogo

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
Never ban Marchron. Genius storytellers should be exempt from ban.

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree.

And now, the finale (I promise).

FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORT DAY 3.79

When we last we spoke, I was on psychotic neutron-bomb tilt after raise/folding way the best hand in a ginormous pot. After rejecting my next blind, I logged out and did the only thing I knew how to do, flee into the warm embrace of the one who is always there for me. No, not a girlfriend (I'm single), nor Jesus (LOL, God plays dice, Stephen Hawking says so). I'm talkin' about the buffet, LDO.

"LDO" is "Like, Duh, Obviously," invented in OOT (Other Other Topics) as a replacement for "QFT," or "Quoted For Truth." And it's like, duh, obviously the buffet because I'm a raging fatass, but those days are dwindling Link 1

Also, there's video of me celebrating my weight loss here: Link 2

Brag: after 2 AM the buffet is $7 instead of $18.
Beat: they throw out all the dinner items.
Variance: they introduce breakfast foods.

These are what the "BBV" in the BBV Forum and BBV4Life Community stand for.

And please tell me you didn't fall for that rickroll again. Jeez.

While in line at the make-your-own-omelette station, I strike up a conversation with the guy in front of me, who was skeptical about the electronic poker. I did my best to reassure him that it wasn't all rigged to juice pots so Four Winds would get more in rake; since it's 10% to $3, rake is maxed out at $30, and even at 3/6 that's only 5 BB, so they wouldn't need to rig up coolers to get there. In fact, I probably saw more pots get to $30 preflop than I did pots that never got to $30 at all.

Overhearing all this was Keyshanna, who was also skeptical about the tables, and also eating alone. Evidently her cousin was running way hot at craps and was up about $500. Hmmm, I think I have plans for the rest of the night now. And also, she was there while visiting family in South Bend. This has potential.

Keyshanna leaves before I'm done, and I tell her I'll meet her and her cousin at the craps table. She asks me where the nearest ladies' room is, I tell her in a way that doesn't involve giant blue rings of light, and she left her jacket there. I wait outside the ladies' room for like 20 minutes, because God only knows what women do in there all night, but anyway, she thanks me for retrieving her jacket. I have to go back to the buffet to fetch my hat and sunglasses, and when I make it to the craps area they're gone. Hmm, I'll play a little and wait for them. The only $5 table they're running this time of night is a variant colloquially known as "Crapless Craps," where all numbers are a point except 7. Of course, I didn't know this when I put my pass line bet down, so when I roll a yo on my come-out I think I'm getting paid. LOLZ sorry no, now you gotta roll 11 as your point, and of course I don't, nor do I hit my hard 4. I don't need an odds chart to tell me that this is a bad table edge-wise, and now I'm down to $31 in chips. I need to kill some time until Keyshanna and her cousin come back, preferably something that won't cost me the rest of my money. It's Pai Gow time!

The rest of my buddies are gone. Oh well, guess I won't be getting any more free drinks. Meh, I'll manage. Two more things about Pai Gow that will factor in here: first, there's one joker in the deck, but it's not wild: if you can't use it to fill in a straight or flush, then it's automatically an Ace. Second, there's an optional bonus bet that pays you if you have a straight or better regardless of if you win the hand, or even if you have to break it up to make your best two-way hand. Generally, bonus bets on these kind of games have extraordinarily high house odds, so during my other sessions I never bet them. But on my first hand, I put out a $10 bet and use my loose $1 chip to play the bonus, and lo and behold I make a straight. I push the hand because my "low" hand was trash, like J3 or something, but I get paid 2-1 on my bonus bet. So the next hand I let that dollar ride, and I make three of a kind. Again I push because the house cobbles together a better low hand, but I get paid 3-1 on my trips. WTF, dealer, trips pays more than a straight? "Yeah, three of a kind beats a straight in Pai Gow." O RLY? "Yes, the joker means straights become easier to make." I see. Ship the 3-1 then. Next hand, same dollar rides and I make Sevens full of Kings. I split it up for 777xx as my "High" hand and KK as my "Low," and I think I actually won that hand plus got paid 5-1 on the bonus. Next hand, same dollar rides and I hit the motherlode: JOKER 10[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] 9[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] 9[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 8[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 6[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] 5[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]. That's a straight flush, but if I play it that way I have T9 as my low hand. You're allowed to ask the dealer what the house way would be, and she recommended I play the straight flush. You're kidding, and leave T9 in front? Eff that, give me 99865 and AT. She pulls AK for her low, giving me a push, but having T9 in front is an insta-push, anyway. Pay me 50-1 for the straight flush plz. It went on like this for a while, with me making little to nothing off my actual hands but kicking ass through bonuses, and I wound up with enough money to stake myself at a $10 craps table.

I get back to the craps pit and Keyshanna and her cousin are there. Not only are there no other people around, the $500 they were supposedly up is also missing. "We lost it all." Wow, yeah, okay. It turns out they're pretty bad at craps; they're just luckboxes with boobs. It's Keyshanna's roll, and inspired by her tales of being the shooter while her cousin was the bettor, I try to put a $1 wager on "All Or Nothing," a side-bet that the shooter will roll every single number before hitting a 7, but she rolls before I can lay it down and my bet is voided. Of course, she winds up rolling every number before her eventual seven-out, and I miss out on the 175-1 payout. Booo. It's now my turn to roll, and I put an All Or Nothing on myself even though I'm a notoriously bad shooter. I roll 4 for the point. Sweet, $2 hard 4 plz, and I hit my 4 the hard way to get paid on my pass line and 7-1 on my hardway. My next come-out is also a 4, but I roll it easy. Meh, pay the man. My next come-out is again a 4, and I hit it hard again to get paid twice more. So then I roll a 10 for my point and seven out immediately, missing my All Or Nothing by just 2, 3, and 12. I'm on such a hot roll that I miss that Keyshanna and her cousin have left me for the blackjack table behind me. Blackjack, evidently, is Keyshanna's game (shut up) but her cousin, whose name is Jacquise (and there's no way I spelled that right) knows nothing about it. What they're trying to do is run up some money for Jacquise, which she takes back to the craps table during the shoe change and tries to win back what she blew. She might have stood a chance if she bet smart, like $10 on the pass line with $40 odds behind it, but she'd always use that $40 on dumb bets like hops and horns and blow it all before the blackjack dealer could even finish reloading the shoe.

It turns out they're better at blackjack than craps. The table they've picked, with a dealer who looked remarkably like John Malkovich, is hot for everyone except one older Chinese lady in a Phil Laak hoodie. I take her seat when she gets pissed off and leaves and my little luckbox girls make me $100 over the next couple hours. I probably could have made more if I'd practiced smarter bankroll management and bet sizing, but all I was really thinking about was ordering drinks and SIIHP.

"SIIHP" is another OOTism, meaning "Stick It In Her Pooper," i.e. I wanted to have anal sex with them, though not necessarily exclusively.

Oh, and also sometime during the night I had to fetch Keyshanna's jacket, again; this time she left it in the poker room looking for me, probably at the same time I was at the craps pit looking for them. LOL, chasingourowntailaments.

Eventually, the rest of their family finds them and they leave, and I'm too tired and buzzed to remember to get their numbers. Mostly tired, though; they get off at the third floor of the parking garage, and I go to the fourth floor to catch a catnap in my car. It's just after daybreak, and a light rain is falling.

END OF DAY 3

START OF DAY 4

I wake up a couple hours later when the temperature gets so hot that it makes my car a sauna since I had to leave the windows up. After my ignominious exit from the poker room, then my semi-wild time the night before (shut up, I'm not much of a party animal), I don't really feel like going back to the 3/6 grind. In fact, what I really wanted to do on this trip was get in some 10/20, but unfortunately the money I was going to use for that shot never came in through ePassporte. What I need is a way to run up a 'roll for that on the cheap. Hmmmm . . . I think it's time for a live 15-BB challenge!

A 15-BB challenge, where "BB" is "big bets," is an idea that allows us to take shots at bigger games with minimal bankroll risk. The idea is that you take 15 big bets at say, .25/.50 online, which would be $7.50, and play with that. When you make 15 BB for the next level, which would be $15 for .50/1, you play there, then $30 for 1/2, etc. Micro poster bennyhana once ran $30 into more than $1300 doing one of these.

This should be a piece of cake. Start with $90 at 3/6, I can win $60 there in like three hands, that gets me to $150 for 5/10, then from there $150 more gets me to 10/20. No problem. I get seated at 3/6 to the left of a fellow in a wheelchair named Jim. Normally I don't like when people tell me their life stories at a poker table, but Jim was an exception. His wife passed away last winter, and all he does now is use a little bit of his retirement money going to card rooms and playing low-limit Hold'em. I get seated without posting, watch him throw gobs of money into pots with like middle pair, winning some and losing others. Then I get JJ UTG, raise, and Jim defends his BB. Flop Q-high and he check/raises me. Not wanting to repeat the error from last night, I call down and he shows Q2o. Nice hand, Jim.

Next hand, I get 95s in the big blind. Jim's finger hovers over the raise button and I beg him not to. He obliges. The flop comes 876 and I pay Jim back for the previous hand. He took it well. Next hand, I get 22 in the SB and complete. Flop is QJ2, all [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]s, and I lead it right out. I get a couple callers, and Jim leans next to me and says, "Good thing those were all diamonds, or I might have called with pocket fives." Sure enough the turn is a non-[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 5, which means Jim basically hit his one-outer after folding. I surreptitiously hand the cocktail waitress $2 for the beer she just brought him. River is another non-[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] and my set of deuces take it down. Thanks, Jim. Next hand, I get QTo on the button, limp in, flop Broadway, and everyone pays me off. Okay, I was wrong, it took me like six hands to make $150, not three.

I go up to the kiosk to put my name on the list for 5/10. There isn't one. Okay, I'll start it, hopefully it'll fill up soon. So, naturally, I get back to my 3/6 table and it all falls to hell. I get AA in the SB, raise the 157 limpers, announce that I'm betting the flop in the dark, and eventually I get cracked by T9s on a board like 9xQJK. Ni han sir. Next hand, QQ loses to 88 when he flops a set. Ni han sir. I lose some more, the table gets down to 4 people and breaks, with the other three going to one table and me to the other. At the new table I buy in with the $91 I have left. W00t, one dollar ahead. When I'm there, someone sees that I'm the toolbag with sunglasses and ten white chips from the 2+2 thread. Evidently three guys there are lurkers. Sup bro to you guys.

"Sup bro?" is the greeting used for 2+2'ers to identify each other in real-life situations. This is named after legendary poster sup bro, who was All-County in '95 with 15 tackles for losses.

I introduce myself and get the chance to say some things I've only ever typed before, like "BUSTO," "lol donkaments" and "SHIP IT!" Eventually, the seat on my immediate left is filled by someone calling himself "Catfish," and he sees my name and says "Hey, you're the Irish Mike? From 2+2?" Jesus, has everyone been reading this? (Besides, after some research, I've learned I'm not "the" Irish Mike; someone on RGP has been using that name for years.) I ask if he's a member here, too, and he says no, he just Googled this thread. Sweet.

Now that I've been outed as a celebrity, the cards start treating me with some respect. I hit three full houses on that table over the next few hours, once with 77 on a 766 flop to wipe out a nice lady who'd survived every time she was all-in before that. Then 88 boated up on an 833 flop and I beat the pants off a guy named Bryan whom I'd seen for the last couple of days. Lastly I had JJ, flopped a set of Jacks, then turned the boat, getting about five calls the whole way down for my biggest pot (in limit) of the weekend, $83.

At one point the table had me, two Johns, two Franks, and two Richards (and one of the 2+2 lurkers was also a Richard, though he picked a pseudonym for his screenname). But the dynamic of the table changed when Tina showed up. Tina is Vietnamese (I nearly shot Diet Coke out my nose when she actually said "ni han sir"), and came with money to burn. At one point she went nine bets on the river with one of the Franks on a board of 82xJ2. Frank actually was the one who called to close the action, showing JJ; Tina had 82. She reloaded and put more on her card, but she moved from my immediate right to two to my left. Boooooo. Eventually, Catfish and the three lurkers all left, so with the superLAG in bad position to me, I bailed, too, having never made 5/10 because the list never filled up.

Oh well.

I cashed out at the cage and nearly got shorted $100, lol countaments. The wait was finally less than an hour at the main cashier cage, so I cashed out there, too. Over the buffet I counted it up: $528 from the poker room and $175 from everywhere else, for a $428 profit in poker and about $100-ish from miscellaneous games, minus tokes, drinks, etc. that I paid for in chips.

Oh, and one PokerPro shirt. Thanks, dude; it's a little tight. Told ya so. (And I wasn't kidding about you hiring me, either; e-mail me at q f marsh 6 4 =at= yahoo.com, no spaces LDO.)

So that about wraps it up here. If you want to experience computer poker in a B&M, I really can't recommend Four Winds enough. I'll probably arrange another big trip whenever the WPT comes into town, and if you're in the area some weekend, shoot me a PM with a couple weeks' notice and we'll ship some sherb together.

Holla!

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Awesomenimosity, indeed, sir.

What is it with americans and these odd constructed names like Beyonce, Rihanna, Keyshanna or Jacquise or whatever, but I am just an old man, distanced from the ways of nowadays.

But WTF not getting their numbers? Dude that is a no-no if there ever was one. But they will probably be reading your essay as the whole world apparently is looking in on this forum anyways, they will probably PM you all their personal details in a short while.

Could I have Jacquise if I swear to learn how to spell her name?

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

wow, excellent work sir. BBB has his work cut out for him to top this w/ this w/ends foxwoods report, especially since he won't have davidcaments to provide material.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Your etymology of LDO is off. It was a BBV4Life invention, not OOT

This trip report was awesome, however.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Great posts and congrats on being world famous.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Off in a few to meet up with CrMenace @ teh lovely Four Winds, but until then I just realized something:

[ QUOTE ]
Four Winds' official directions advise that, no matter which direction you're coming from, you should take Interstate 94, get off on Exit 1 and come south to the first light. Since I did not follow these instructions, I was the first person to the light coming north, and there were seven million cars at the light from the other direction, with about fifteen million more still waiting to exit the highway behind them. Christ, this is going to suck. The stoplight's been turned off so Potowatomi Tribal Police and Berrien County Sheriffs can direct traffic, and there's 23 million and one cars trying to jam down onto one road. When we all make it to the entrance, they spread us into three lanes, but again we all have to jam down into one, a task further hindered by the fact that the police sent a tour bus into the thinnest of the three lanes and it scraped two emergency vehicles in its attempt to merge. LOL OWNED. (There will be MS Paint of this, I promise.)

[/ QUOTE ]
And about a month later, I deliver:

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/3229/bus1iw6.jpg
Here you see the general situation. (I didn't put in all the cars coming off I-94 and M-239 because I didn't feel like putting 23 million dots in.) The only way to get into the casino is off Wilson Road, which leads under a canope and then to the neverending trail to the casino entrance.

http://img117.imageshack.us/img117/4908/bus2zs7.jpg
And here's how traffic was directed at the entrance. Instead of two lanes in and two lanes out, the police put their cars and a bunch of cones to make it three lanes in and one lane out. Presumably, the cops directing traffic were the owners of the cars, which means the first one was a moran.

http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/2500/bus3cr4.jpg
And this is the result.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Great trip report [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], awesome

Gongrats on the diet thing too, really!! but... wtf man, see if you can get someone to fix the suit to your new measurements. Also get a new tie and a shirt that fits your neck. It's really bad to unbutton the shirt with the tie still on. And while we're at it, see if you can get a better slipknot than 4-in-hand as this will impact chicks.

... I got rickrolled. heh.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

RETURN TO FOUR WINDS: MARCHRON'S TRIP REPORTS, VOLUME TWO (bitches)

PROLOGUE: The Plan

So BobbyShaftoe drops me a line in the NC Thread about how he can make it to Four Winds on Labor Day weekend. I was planning on going somewhere to play on Labor Day, perhaps Four Winds, but I also wanted to check out Resorts since I hadn't been there in a while and maybe it improved with new competition nearby. Meanwhile, CrMenace has had a standing offer to meet me at Four Winds, since job requirements means he spends a lot of time about a half-hour north of there. Hmmm, I smell a 2+2 Takeover! Unfortunately, CrMenace can only make it Monday night, Shaftoe can only make it Saturday or Sunday, and I really only wanted to go Monday but I can swing Sunday, too. Grrrrr. Oh well, I guess I'll go two days instead of one, meet both of them, and tell each of them about the other or something.

PART ONE: Shaftoe Sunday

Since Saturday is bad for me, I arrange to meet Bobby on Sunday. He wanted, in his words, a "late-night session," so I don't bother getting up at the buttcrack of dawn because I plan on being there a while. I roll in at about 5:30 or so and discover that the other sports team I have much love for, the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS, had rallied back to being down 5-4. When they fell behind 5-1 in the fifth, I kinda gave up on them a little, preferring to listen to some good hard rock 'n roll to psych myself up for the e-poker ("Ace Of Spades" by Motörhead is a really good selection here). Okay, I'd like to watch the end of this game; if by chance Bobby shows up I've warned him about this possibility ahead of time. Unfortunately, while my backup plan was, as before, to watch the game while playing Pai Gow, all the Pai Gow tables were either a) packed to the gills, b) had $25 minimum bets or higher, c) were in front of TVs showing worthless NFL preseason games instead of the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS, or d) some or all of the above.

I wander around, looking for tables that fit my cheapo bankroll requirements and also have a view of the game. Lo and behold, I find the one $10 blackjack table in the entire casino on probably the second-busiest day they've had (only August 2, Opening Day, was busier), with one available seat at "second base." It doesn't have a direct view of the game, but if I set my chair at an angle I can see the giant projection TV at the C-Level Lounge, and just as I notice that, at that very moment, the Houston pitcher decided to adjust himself while the camera was focused on his mid-torso. LOL twentyfootnutscratchaments. FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS first baseman Derrek Lee comes up to bat with one man on base in the bottom of the eighth. I'm basically not caring about blackjack; I think I hit a 19 once, but it doesn't matter because D-Lee hits a drive to deep left field. I shout "GET OUT!" loud enough so the entire casino hears me, and it was evidently heard in Chicago, too, since the ball lands about four rows deep in the bleachers and the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS take a 6-5 lead, which they hold through the ninth as I was standing on a 7 and not splitting Aces and doubling down on 16. When the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS win, I bolt, somehow finishing up $10. Thanks dealer, give me ten whites for this, I got poker to play.

I scan in for 3/6 and notice that there's some beginnings of interest in a 5/10 table. Since I never got the chance to do that 15-BB challenge last time I was there, I decide to give it another shot this time, putting myself on that list, too. I make it five deep. I put $90 on my card and sit down at a 3/6 table in Seat 10. As I approach, I think that there's a young Asian man in Seat 9, but it turns out to be an older Asian lady named Lin. She was wearing a Cubs hat. I like her already. Whenever she's in a hand, and this was fairly often, she looks like she's doing aerobics in her seat. I don't know if this is a reliable tell or not. She'd limp in with T6o and the like, basically anything that could make a straight and/or flush. If she raised, book her for AA. She had 'em four times, winning twice; hey, .500 is a pretty respectable batting average for AA in live 3/6. (A little while later we did get an Asian guy in Seat 4 whose name was K and then thirteen letters that were either H, O, U, A, N, or E. The instant he sat down, I told him I'd respect him and his heritage by not even attempting to pronounce it. He understood. I called him K-Dog.)

Seat 1 was RONALD, an older fellow who was skeptical about the e-poker. When he found out I'd been here before, he asked me questions, and my well-rehearsed spiel of "faster play, smaller rake, no dealer tokes" was as just as sharp as it had been a month before. He still wasn't impressed. A little later on, his buddy comes up, who'd been playing 1/2 NL, and RONALD asks his buddy how he liked the e-tables. "Oh man, it's great," his buddy said, "the game moves so much faster, and the rake is only $3, and you don't have to toke the dealer! I love it!" RONALD looked at me and I shrugged and winked.

But the coolest guy was another old dude in Seat 5, with the name "HYDRO." I have no idea why he picked this name. Maybe he worked at a dam; maybe he thought "AQUAMAN" would look dorky. Either way, he was killing the game, with a stack in the high $200s as I arrived and rising pretty steadily.

Some nondescript hands go by; I win some, I lose others, but I'm up a little. After about an hour or so, I get JTs on the button after just one limper. My implieds suck, but since the game's not too aggressive I can very often see four or even five cards for 1 SB, so I limp. RONALD raises us all from the small blind (dammit), the big blind, the limper and I all call and the flop comes 889, giving me an OESD and a BDFD. It's checked to me and I make a freecard bet; RONALD calls and the other two drop (dammit). The turn's a 7 and RONALD check/raises me, leaving him with $7 after his $12 raise (dammit). I call and call the river, he shows the obvious 99 and I lose. Dammit.

I play a few more hands, and as my big blind approaches I'm becoming aware that I can hear music being pumped through the PA system. On Opening Weekend, that was one of the glitches Four Winds had yet to resolve; the volume was either set to "Nonexistent" or "Ear-Splittingly Loud," with no in-betweens, and it varied from one to the other seemingly at random, though how often Nickelback was playing when it was "Ear-Splittingly Loud" makes me think it wasn't just variance. But today it was just faint enough to be good white noise for me to focus on to drown out all the clatter from the seven trillion slot machines. I could make out the beat, but that was all. It comes my turn to post and I opt out for a bathroom/cigarette break, and as I stand, I don't know whether that extra two feet between me and the ceiling mattered, or whether the casino had just suddenly hushed up, but I finally heard some words: "Inside we both know what's been goin' on / We know the game and we're gonna play it / IIIIIIIII just wanna tell you how I'm feelin' . . ." DAMMIT. Four Winds just rickrolled me. Son of a bitch. I walk away from the table laughing, probably getting weird looks from everyone else.

I come back, make up most of my losses from that boat-over-straight hand I lost, then pick up AA. The hand before, HYDRO had them and won, so I'm a little worried since we've already established about a 50% winning percentage for AA due to Lin's results. When I had them, I had three opponents, and on every postflop street one of them donked into me, but somehow I managed to win UI and scooped a pretty sizable pot. I notice I'm up to $151 and opt out of posting my BB again. I've made it to 5/10, sweet. I go back and check the list and it's still five deep with me at the end of it. I ask a host how many people I'd need to open the 5/10 table and he laughs. "Man, that list is probably four hours old, most of those guys are probably gone by now." Pricks. If you're leaving, why not unregister yourself so I don't get my hopes up? It can't be that hard.

I notice it's about 9:00 or so, so I decide I should quit 3/6 and head to the buffet since I don't want to have to leave whenever Bobby shows up, and maybe when I'm done eating the 5/10 list will fill up again. I get to the buffet and they're slammed; I have to make reservations for 10:30. Grrrrr. When I get back, they've broken the other 3/6 table and combined it with the one I just left, and the waitlist is two deep to get back in. Grrrrr. I wait for an hour and fifteen minutes and move up only one spot. I suppose if I'd wanted to, I could have sat at any of the five or six tables running 1/2 NL; that's quickly becoming the game at Four Winds. I also could have sat at the O8B 4/8 Kill game that was also running, but I suck at lolmahahaha, and besides Four Winds always puts them alllll the way in a table in the far corner, as if to say hey you weirdos, we're sticking you out here so you don't freak out all the Hold'em players, capisce?

The buffet was excellent, as always, but I was bummed because they were out of sushi. On the other hand, I guess that removed the danger of me overdosing on wasabi again (in a PM to Bobby I said that if I'm in the buffet, look for the guy who's sucking on a fire extinguisher because I tried playing with that fire again). When I get back I discover that four more names appear below mine on the 5/10 list, so I ask a host if he'll attempt to find out if even one of the guys above me is still here, since that would bring us up to six players and they can open up. In the meantime, another 3/6 table opened, so I sit there and — surprise! — it all falls to hell. I should have known it would be a rough go when, of all people, Michael showed up. That'd be the iPod-wearing guy from Part IV of my original TR who three-bet a flush draw and I suckered myself into folding QQ on a K-high flop. (After thinking more about that hand, I realized he was correctly pumping that draw for value, but after watching him play more, I discovered that was just accidentally optimal on his part; he loves donking it up with suited cards that flop flush draws.) It was like an Opening Weekend Reunion when Charlene sat down. I met her on Day Two but she didn't make the TR cut because she donated to everybody but me. Then Jim showed up, of thanks-for-folding-your-live-one-outer-here-let-me-buy-you-this-beer fame from the finale.

Amongst the people I don't know, to my right is a lady named Mildred who was way too classy for us, since she was drinking merlot. I mean, wine at a poker table? Go to the baccarat pit where you belong. To her right is a backwards-cap youngster named Joshua, who provided the humor for the night when he just called Charlene's river bet HU holding 9[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] on a 8[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 7x 10[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] J[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 7[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] board, not realizing he had a straight flush. The LOLness was that Charlene had the lone A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], and she would have paid off her entire stack $6 at a time. I made sure to mention this as often as possible, first because it's hilarious, but also because I was missing flops like the Notre Dame defense missed tackling Tashard Choice, so I needed something to entertain myself. The best hand I had was KTs on a KQT flop. The turn bricked but the river A wrecked my hand; I bet, Michael raised and I folded. Much as I didn't want to bet/fold anything against him given our history, he's never raising anything less than Aces up there. He had the Jack at least 95% of the time.

The clock is ticking past midnight and there's absolutely no sign of Bobby. I realized sometime during the night that I have no idea what he looks like other than he's, in his measurement, 5'20". So I was beginning to just walk up to random people who looked like they were in the 6'8" neighborhood and making small talk. Here's the thing: I'm not good at just making idle chit-chat with strangers, and poker players, as a rule, don't like being bugged. And there I was, bugging them. I couldn't just say "sup bro?" because that's really kinda personal, don't you think? So I had to find some point of conversation and try to work a 2+2ism in it somewhere. Here's the other thing: most guys who are 6'8" can probably kick my ass. I nearly caught an asswhoopin' from a big, kinda mean-lookin' dude who was short-stacked in the midnight MTT Four Winds was running. I basically ripped on his hat. It was brown with an orange Superman logo (as opposed to blue and red), but I had to bag on it so I could say "Meh, I don't know, I guess I'm kind of a nit about that," making sure to emphasize "nit." No response from him, unless you count his internal dilemma on whether or not to kill me right then and there or wait until going BUSTO first.

I decide I'm giving Bobby another half-hour. I get back to my table and notice I'm getting down to around $50. Four Winds flips my boomswitch, though, and suddenly when I'm playing two cards bigger than 10, I turn Broadway. Michael, Charlene, Jim and a few other nameless people eventually leave, K-Dog shows up and quickly leaves, and I bolt too, back to the other table, where RONALD and HYDRO are still there; RONALD was back near $100 and HYDRO was north of $400. I win a couple more pots to get me to $92. W00t, back in black again, I'm bolting. Wherever you are, Bobby, it's too late for me. I leave $2 ahead at about 1:30 AM.

Halfway home I realized I never took my name off the list for 5/10. Whoops.

(I later learned that Bobby brought a friend who lived too far away to make a trip to Four Winds feasible, so they went to . . . Resorts. [censored]. Why the hell didn't you tell me, Shaftoe? I would have gone there as a Plan B. We really need to start coordinating this [censored] better, bro.)

Tomorrow: I actually do meet CrMenace. Chedda shipped, LOLZ abound. Stay tuned.
Sorry about the rickroll, but since I got had I have to pass it on.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

I no longer play limit, but I do still read the trip reports. Keep 'm coming.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

[ QUOTE ]
As I approach, I think that there's a young Asian man in Seat 9, but it turns out to be an older Asian lady named Lin. She was wearing a Cubs hat. I like her already. Whenever she's in a hand, and this was fairly often, she looks like she's doing aerobics in her seat.

[/ QUOTE ]

Heh, heh, I seem to be getting addicted to your reports.

Have you ever considered writing a book ? I would buy it if you did !

By the way, Grats on becoming famous. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

That is a quality trip report.... all the more so since you played all day and ended up 1/3 BB [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

RETURN TO FOUR WINDS: MARCHRON'S TRIP REPORTS, VOLUME TWO (bitches)

PART TWO: Menace Monday

So Monday morning, CrMenace sends me a PM confirming that he still has every intention of showing up that night. Just to make double damn sure we can spot each other so I don't look like a goober approaching random people in the poker room, I send him a PM to tell him exactly what I will be wearing. This is a pretty radical departure for me, since I usually don't plan outfits, preferring the reliable bachelor sniff test. I conclude by saying "I don't know whether this makes me a nit or gay. I'll go with 'nit' unless you coordinate your outfit to match mine. Please don't wear a blue shirt."

Just before I left, he replied. He'll be wearing a blue shirt. Dammit. Will anything go right on this trip?

Menace's flight arrives at Chicago Midway at 6:30 CDT, so he figures he'll get to Four Winds around 9:00. I chuckled, because between flight delays and traffic leaving Chicago at the close of the holiday weekend, good freakin' luck with that. So again I don't bother leaving until the late afternoon, and since the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS were getting their FIRST-PLACE ASSES KICKED, I didn't have to waste any time watching the game and could go straight to poker. Which I did. I get assigned to Seat 8 at a full 3/6 table, but half the people are gone for whatever reason, so we're playing 5-handed. I sit down and wait for the hand playing to end. It finishes with Tina, who's directly across the table from me in Seat 3, winning with a straight flush.

The next hand is my first, and I look down at J8[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] in the big blind. This is one of my favorite hands, because I made a straight flush with it at Blue Chip last year. The table respects the aura of good karma surrounding me, so all five players limp and I check my option. The flop comes A3x with two [img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]s, SB checks and I bet. It gets called once, Seat 4 raises, folded back to me and I call. Turn doesn't fill my flush but it does pair my J. I check and call. River doesn't fill my flush but it does pair my 8. I check, Seat 4 bets, I check/raise and he calls with A3o FTW. Dammit.

Next hand, I get a suited Ace in the small blind, flop another flush draw, lead and get raised, whiff the flush and fold the river in disgust. Then in the next orbit I get AK and AQ, raise them both, and both times the flop comes all lowballs and says "o look wat i found 4 u, its a grease fire" and my hands die in it. The next big blind, I get J2s and a free look at the flop, which I actually hit this time for a change, as it's something like J8x. But it only happened that way because the flop decided to take a break from owning my ass hard and let its buddies Turn and River have a crack at me for once. They come the Ten and Queen of Every Damn Draw In The World, I bet the river, Tina raises and I fold. Dammit. The next hand in the small blind I get something else I have to complete, call a flop bet and fold the turn and suddenly I'm down to $18. I would reload, but I'm convinced that either 1) I can actually come back from the dead because the two guys on my right are exquisite fish, or 2) I can survive the rest of the orbit until my BB, then sit out and go reload. I don't know why I thought I had a chance in hell of accomplishing either. I should have known this table was a ballbuster when my buddy HYDRO, who was killing the game the day before to the tune of $400 or so, sat back down in Seat 9 to my left and only had $17 in front of him, which he reloaded up for another hundo.

I actually think I have a chance of surviving until my BB when the next few hands are so bad that I don't feel obligated to put money in preflop. Then when I'm second to act, I get 87[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and one of the exquisite fish limps from UTG. Limping good suited connectors has been, even though SSHE doesn't recommend it, SOP for me here because preflop raises are fairly rare, especially after a couple EP limps. But I decide against it because I have squadoosh for implied odds because I'll only get paid off 3 BB, since that's all I have. I fold and it gets limped behind me until Tina raises, which made me feel a little better. But somewhere in the back of my head I hear the thundering voice of the poker gods saying "hey dummy, watch this," and the flop comes 9[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] 10x 6x, which would have given me the nuts. Mentally, I respond to the poker gods, saying "Are you kidding? With my luck at the table so far, that'll get beat," and the poker gods said "O RLY? LOLZ" and the turn and river are 10[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and 6[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img], which means I would have made a straight flush and caught Tina with tens full and some other sucker with sixes full. I'm actually able to maintain my composure until Sixes-Full Sucker calls to close the river action and get to showdown, at which point I [censored] myself and bitch about folding the straight flush. Nobody believes me, since Tina had just had one, so I hit up the Last Hand feature and ask HYDRO to vouch for me. And if you can't trust a grown man who calls himself "HYDRO," who can you trust?

I thank the poker gods for not giving one of my opponents quads, which meant I would have not just folded the hand that would have probably netted me $70 but also forfeited a jackpot hand, which would have resulted in me going on a complete and utter rampage. In return for my gratitude, I beg the poker gods to let my UTG hand be trash so I can reload with the last shreds of my dignity intact, but the poker gods are sadistic bastards and I get black nines. I raise and warn the table that I'm going to the mat with it, hoping that through some sort of reverse psychology they'll all call my raise so I can eleven-tuple up, but of course nothing is working for me today, and everyone folds to Exquisite Fish in the BB, who defends. Flop is JJ4 with two diamonds, check bet call. Turn is like 3[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] and he donks. I stack-off raise my last three bucks and he calls with K2[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img], and naturally I miss my four-out full house draw for BUSTO. I manage to keep my cool until I leave the poker room, whereupon I ordered about 73 alcoholic beverages and took them to the craps table. I count what's left in my pocket, and it comes to $150. I reserve $90 for when I get back to poker and $20 for the buffet, so I have $40 left for a $5 craps table. I can kill time here until Menace shows up at 9:00.

I lost it in three shooters, one of whom was me. Dammit.

I sit, and sulk, and watch the FIRST-PLACE CHICAGO CUBS load the bases in the ninth to start an improbable comeback, but naturally they dork it up in embarrassing fashion. Final score: 11-3. Eventually, I get done steaming and go back in. My seat's still open, which is good because I kinda liked it there, but by the time I reload my last $90 onto my card, somebody's taken it. You ever look at somebody and just know they're a complete tool? Michael was that guy. Not the flush draw-donkin' Michael from previous days; that guy looked like an old New York cop. This Michael looks like a cross between Prahlad Friedman and a douchebag.

I actually manage to not lose all my money in less than three orbits, so I have the time to develop some reads from Seat 4, on Tina's left. Michael is a donk. He has some preflop standards, but his default mode is aggression. I learn this when I get QQ and three-bet his EP raise. The flop is J-high and he donks, I raise, he calls. Turn is a blank and he donks again, and not knowing his tendencies yet, I just call. River is another blank, he bets I call and he shows KJo. MHIG. Finally! Gimme that goddamn pot.

Michael's having pretty good luck bullying around the rest of the table. His main nemeses are me, of course, but especially Tina, who's turning out to be quite the LAG. In one hand she three-bet his EP raise with A9s and took it down. Tina's having trouble hanging on to her chips against the rest of us, but she routinely punished the crap out of Michael, who would always incorrectly guess her hand, be wrong about it, but lose anyway. In one hand the turn paired the flopped Queen; Michael donked, Tina raised, Michael said "I know she's got three Queens," but calls anyway and calls the river as well. He was wrong: she had FOUR Queens. Great; now I have to fight for my fish dinner against a donk on the other end of the table and a LAGgy card rack on my right. No problem.

After a while a really interesting hand develops where the guy on my left, an older fellow named John, checked the turn on a 987J board and then folded when it came back three bets to him. He was going to dinner right after this hand. The river paired the Jack and he reacted angrily to it. I quietly ask him what he folded, and he said a pair of Jacks. Well, LOL, trips aren't any good on that board with that action. "No, I had a pair of Jacks in the hole." No [censored]? He was telling the truth; he folded top set. I checked. Well, I'm off the hook now for folding an eventual straight flush preflop. Eventually, Joshua from last night shows up and I tell him he's off the hook for the Dumbest Play Of The Weekend Award for just flat-calling a straight flush.

Some more orbits pass and I get 54o in the CO after a million limps. I limp knowing that John's on my left, currently lecturing the table on why you shouldn't draw to an inside straight; Exquisite Fish is to his left in the SB, and in the BB is the tightest guy at the table, a guy named "DeanerJ43" or something like that. So of course, I limp in with my absolute favorite hand, John folds, EF completes and Deaner raises us all. Great. We all call and the flop is A2T rainbow. Deaner checks. Hmmmm. Michael donks, it gets called a few times and I call too, even knowing that there's the possibility that Deaner will check/raise, because I'm getting like 17-1 so it's actually almost +EV to call even if I know Deaner will raise. But he calls to close the action, and as John is still lecturing us all about the danger of drawing to gutshots, I turn the wheel with a 3. Michael donks, couple calls, I raise, then Deaner springs to life with a check/3-bet. Too late now, Deaner. Michael and everyone else finds a fold and I make it $24. I remember that because I didn't realize Deaner and I were HU and I thought that would be a cap. Deaner makes it $30, and after that it's a blur. I'm almost positive I six-bet, then Deaner made it $42. I don't remember if I called that or raised and called a 9-bet. Obviously in almost all circumstances I wouldn't have called at all, but bankroll considerations dictated that I had to slow down, even with the nuts. If Deaner has AA I could go broke on this hand, and if I do it's BUSTO. I have $20 more for the buffet and $10 in shufflin' chips and that's it. If I go broke, all I'll be doing is sweating Menace whenever he shows up. I have no more money. I left my ATM card at home, partially to protect myself from going on ballistic psychotilt and withdrawing real-life money for poker (which I try not to do), but also because there's like a 5% fee for casino ATMs and I just don't want to pay it. Actually, thinking more about it, I'm pretty sure I just called a seven-bet because on the sixth bet, the computer display of the bet in front of each player changes from five stacks of $6 to a $25, two $5's and a $1, so when I made it six bets I finally saw that I was now dealing in green-chip territory, which means I was quickly approaching about half my 'roll riding on this hand. So Deaner made it seven and I called. The river is a blank and Deaner led again. At this point, excitement has given way to pity; I probably shouldn't even have played this hand, I just caught a gutshot after agreeing with John that gutshot-chasers are the lowest form of life in the known universe, and I have someone who's actually a good player caught in a steel trap that will seriously [censored] him up. So the betting round after I did something I've never done before — intentionally flat calling with the nuts because I feared losing — I did something else I've never done before, and that's quit taking someone's money when I felt sorry for them. That was a $161 pot I'd won, though, so that put me back above breakeven for the night, so my bloodlust to avenge my BUSTO earlier was sated.

Menace arrived a little while later. I'll get to that in a bit, but the first story I tell him was about that hand and how I was both a wuss and too nice, but sorry Menace, there's one thing I didn't reveal that I saved for this TR: Deaner didn't have AA. He had Ace-Ten suited for top two. Which means he wasn't the good player I thought he was and I'm a moron for not taking every nickel he had.

In the next few hands I had AK and took the last bit of money from a random old dude who was stacking off blind with Q4o, then beat another pot out of Michael when I isoraised Tina's limp with KJo and he three-bet me from the blinds but couldn't beat me on a K-high flop. I've got $289 in front of me when I hear "sup bro?"

Maybe Menace will chime in here with his first impressions of me, but the only thing I could think about when I looked at him was that I had no idea whom he could be a menace to except maybe a croquet match or an art gallery. BUURRRRRRNNNN. I kid, of course; we explained the etymology of our screennames over an IM convo earlier in the week. His is easy; mine was so complicated that he told me he didn't really get it until the flight in. LOL.

As they're setting up his card so he can log in, I show him how the system works on one of the HU tables, which had been set up for a play-chip demo. I remember two things about that play-chip hand: one, that I three-bet him blind on the flop, called his turn bet because I HAS A GUTSHOT, and that that was the second-to-last hand I stood any chance of winning that night. Seriously. He puts his name on the list, deposits money onto his card at the cage, and sweats me from behind (insert "expected, consensual and pleasurable" joke here) and watched me do nothing but fold hands like 73, 82, 64. Wait, I think I had T2s once in the big blind and saw a free flop.

Eventually he sits down in Seat 10, to HYDRO's left. Now that Menace is here I can re-tell all the bad poker jokes everyone's already heard once, mostly revolving around how bad my hands are: "Man, those cards were so bad they had fractions in them!" "Hey, that's a good card, but I can't play it because if I pair it my kicker is a negative four." "Dang, that's a good double-down hand but a crappy Hold'em hand." And on and on. Menace, however, kicked ass and took names. IIRC, he only really played two hands. I'll let him fill in the details, but in one he had 92s and flopped two pair in a big blind special, which I bitched at because every time I had nine-deuce, all I wound up with was a double-down joke. In the other, he introduced himself to both Michael and Tina when he flopped a King-high flush.

Meanwhile, all I wanna do is win one pot. One [censored] pot. I just want to bellow out one good hearty "SHIP IT!" Is that too much to ask? Evidently so, because the poker gods noticed that they fell asleep at the switch when I scooped that monster pot with the wheel and decided to punish me for my cowardice and generosity after the fact. Finally I get something worth playing: 33 in EP. After a couple more limpers, Michael raises us in position, and I give him hell about this because the few times I limped in the last hour or so, he raised every time. "What, do you have it out for me?" I asked. "Is it because I'm a Mike, too? Is this like Highlander or something? THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!1" He just grinned. The flop comes AT3 with two clubs. It gets checked to me and I donk because I know Michael will raise, and he does. Everyone folds except for one guy who goes all in for $6, I reraise, Michael four-bets and I smooth-call. The turn pairs the Ace, I check/raise him and he three-bets. [censored]. Michael is a donk, but he's not a complete idiot; normally when someone plays back at him, usually Tina, he shuts down. Three-betting my check/raise means he has at least an Ace, and four-betting me on the flop means AT is definitely in his range. I just call the three-bet and the river brings a third Ace. I [censored] myself a little, check and just call Michael's bet, which was complete tilt because my hand is basically worthless. But I forgot someone else was all-in and just wanted to see his lucky suckout with quad-Aces. Of course, he didn't have an Ace. Didn't have a ten, either; the all-in guy had that. Michael had pocket fives. POCKET [CENSORED] FIVES TO BEAT ME BECAUSE THE [CENSORED] RIVER COUNTERFEITED MY [CENSORED] HAND. I show my losing boat and go from zero to lunatic in nothing flat. He looks at me fuming, and says something like "Sorry man, I'm new at this, I don't know what I'm doing," which just puts me further into Full-On Berserk Mode.

But I can honestly say I didn't tap the aquarium. Nope. I beat the [censored] out of it with a [censored] sledgehammer: "Well, here's a [censored] lesson for you: when someone goes four bets on that flop and three more on the turn, THEY'VE GOT [CENSORED] POCKET FIVES BEAT!" I take my chips and my sunglasses and quit after the next hand to leave the room before I strangle him with his own entrails. I notice it's almost 11:00 and the buffet of awesomeness closes at 11:00, so I go back and tell Menace, doing my best to not even look at Michael because if I do I'm knocking his teeth in. He decides to call it a night as well, and we both cash out. He's got $300 and change for about a $100 profit in an hour; and I've done this one better:

[ QUOTE ]
That is a quality trip report.... all the more so since you played all day and ended up 1/3 BB [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]
I QUADRUPLED that win on Day Two. I ended up with $190 for a 1 2/3 BB profit for the entire weekend.

Dammit.

We go to the buffet, Menace decides not to drop $18 on it because he ate on the flight, and this depressed our server. She was named . . . [censored], if I name her I might get her in trouble, and I've already dealt with something like that from my thread earlier. Anyway, she either had a giant crush on me or she was just overly touch-y. "Awwww, you brought a friend with you tonight," she said upon seeing Menace. She did a hand caress on my back when she walked away from the table to get me a Diet Coke. I'd already told him she was a toucher (not that I mind; I'm not one of those people who get huffy about their "personal space," just that it's not what I expect in the server/diner relationship), but that surprised him. I said hell, that's nothing: on Sunday night I had soup on my hands and she offered me her hips to wipe them off on. I had a napkin on my table. Uh . . . yeah.

So anyway, I had to hustle because they started removing food at 11:00 sharp, so I wolfed down a spinach salad and like four slices of prime rib. While I ate, we made fun of all the n00bs and lurkers and cracked on some of you guys. You won't get anything from us, though; we're taking that [censored] to the grave. LOL, just kidding, we didn't make fun of any of you. Well, okay, maybe DavidC.

I hope this convinces more of you to come up and play Four Winds' e-poker. You can make a C-note in an hour and watch me completely lose my [censored]. Me in Cranky Bastard Mode is much funnier in real life than online. Menace can vouch for me on that.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

At the Gold Strike you come in the game in any position (except the blinds of course) w/o posting. The dealer I asked about that said "yeah it is different we want people gamblimg not sitting."

I haven't considered all the ramifications of that and you do have to make up a blind if you miss one (think smoke break) during play.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Nice one, once again. A quite exquisite TR [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Since no one's seen this golden TR since like 7:00am, I figured I'd bump and shamelessly plug my related TR here.

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

Bro, I need to get your cell next time I try to pull this off. I get up to my sister's place and I am internet incommunicado. Sure, I completely gave you the 4Winds Heisman-- osrry bout that. Then I ended up going to Resorts instead of Majestic because I didn't know any better. One cell call to you would have made things better for both of us.

BTW, Resorts lowest limit game is 5/10 and the players are quite terrible. 10/20 half kill seemed to be a mix of good and bad. Of course my first hand at that game was AK in the BB on a half kill hand (so it plays 15/30) and I dumped $150 when 33 turned a set. I went down from there, pissing away all my gains at 5/10 and then some.

5/10 +200
craps -50
10/20HK -450
------------
Grand total -300

Should have gone to 4winds or majestic. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: MARCHRON\'S FOUR WINDS TRIP REPORTS

bump to keep my genious out of the archives