Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

Hey gonores. Cool, I like the direction you're going with this. I'm going to take it one step at a time though.


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1. Many people have sex for bad reasons and for reasons they don't understand.

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Um, what's a bad reason for having sex?

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

Money, guilt, boredom

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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Um, what's a bad reason for having sex?

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You're [censored] a sheep.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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Is there a logical argument to suggest that fueling the sex drive can ultimately lead to fulfillment or happiness?


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Sex is more of a temporary fulfillment of what the majority precieve as happiness. (We get the impression early on that the more sex we have the happier we will be.) However, I think that as we get older and began to have some stability in our lives that sex (for the sake of happiness) isn't much of an issue.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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Money, guilt, boredom

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As long as its not coerced in any way I see nothing wrong with having sex for money. Yes, i know the law disagrees with me.

Alleviating boredom would seem to be a good reason to have sex to me.

And frankly, I don't even understand saving sex because of guilt. Like you feel bad about something you did so you have sex to feel better? Like that?

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You're [censored] a sheep.

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That's a bad /way/ to have sex, not a bad reason, more akin to sexual abuse or sexual violence. Kinda like rape, as the sheep is not a person it cannot consent to having sex with you, so the sex is non-consensual. The act of sex is bad, not the reason.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

Interesting OP.

I'd lump satisfaction of the sex drive in with satisfaction of other bodily functions in terms of how it might be necessary for a basic level of happiness. E.g., if you are hungry or sleepy or in pain then it is hard to be happy. Similarly if you have a strong sex drive that is going unfulfilled. Of course, with sex there is a whole host of social baggage that goes along with it -- most fundamentally, the fact that one's ability to obtain desirable sexual partners is widely and correctly regarded as a measure of one's own sexual desirability (and a lot of people measure their self-worth based on their sexual desirability).

I am skeptical that achieving any particular result with regard to sex and sexual partners can bring long-term fulfillment -- especially since for the vast majority of people it is a fight against time that they are destined to lose. However, I do think it is possible to cultivate sex and seduction as an art form of sorts, the same way it is possible to do this with, say, gourmet cooking, and get some satisfaction from that.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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Money, guilt, boredom

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drunk, only to make other person happy, wanted to feel loved, etc.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

Gonores: (btw, it's odd answering this question given how close I always thought your name was to an STD).

I'll cop to thinking I know some of the reasons some of my actions in some of my past have been driven by sex. Frankly, I'm not sure I want to really discuss to much of it on the internet, but...

...I certainly went through a stretch where I'd bang anything that would get in the cab with me. And I dated a lot of girls for predictable and limited stretches of time, after which I'd move to the next for no real reason.

Aside from being normal, aside from just having a healthy sex drive, aside from the girls I dated not being right for me...

...Aside from all that, I have to suspect the root cause is something deeper, something to do with an awkwardness in those "formative years" of middle school and high school, not fitting in, being teased, having dubious self confidence, and so on.

Finding that once I grew up a little I could make myself attractive to others, say the right things, fit in, well, a lot of this is probably some sort of tied-in insecurity still working itself out.

Now, I'm 31 years old. I've been with my girlfriend a while now, and while I'm not out in bars trying to pick up random chicks I still feel the same "could I?" in the back of my mind. That same question, that same need for validation.

I don't think it's anything to do with my girlfriend or our relationship, which I believe is solid and rewarding and unlike anything I've ever had before (and despite this post I've had previous committed, rewarding relationships). I think those questions and my prior behavior are tied into some more deep-seated lack of confidence, even though on a purely logical and intellectual level I know I can probably let that go now.

Anyway.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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Now, I'm 31 years old. I've been with my girlfriend a while now, and while I'm not out in bars trying to pick up random chicks I still feel the same "could I?" in the back of my mind. That same question, that same need for validation.

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I'm getting married in 9 weeks and I still occasionally have thoughts like these. I'm pretty sure it's completely standard. But are these thoughts/anxieties actually driving your actions? It seems like OP is not just talking about the urge to have sex, but how that shapes the rest of our behavior.

Re: An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.
 

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I have to suspect the root cause is something deeper, something to do with an awkwardness in those "formative years" of middle school and high school, not fitting in, being teased, having dubious self confidence, and so on.

Finding that once I grew up a little I could make myself attractive to others, say the right things, fit in, well, a lot of this is probably some sort of tied-in insecurity still working itself out.

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Elsapo might be onto something here. I have no problem admitting I wasn't the best with girls during my younger years. I had friends who were "skilled" though. No one faults a 17 year old for his uncontrolable sex drive, they just expect him to grow out of it. Some guys, who don't discover that "skill" until college, or later, do tend to get looked down upon for playing catch-up. I'm not saying what's right or wrong, nor am I still obsessed with trying to get laid at every opportunity, but Elsapo's theory seemes to make sense to me.