Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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Felix, you're being way more of an ass than necessary. Not all women like being walked on by guys who have to "keep them in their place".

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That isn't what the issue is. At all. The issue is for the OP to show some self-respect. His soon-to-be-ex TOLD him she was going to a party in the sense that "you're not needed, buh-bye". Serious red flags there. It doesn't matter WHY those flags are waving, but the situation needs to be handled.

I see absolutely nothing in Felix' responses that implies "keeping them in their place". However, I see a lot of "grow a pair and stick up for yourself already". There's nothing wrong with self-respect.

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Edge your advice is dead on but I dont think it is good for this situation. This girl is jerking this guy's chain.

"oh Im going to a party cya"... "Oh no you were invited youre always invited"

Thats crap. Women that treat guys like this need to be left behind quickly.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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Buy some freakin dumb ass records like kelly clarkson and those top 40 collectives and blast them on your stereo for a month.

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No. Don't date any girl who listens to this crap.

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missing the point here. You should re-read the posts before making comments that don't apply. I'm pretty sure marsvolta falls under a certain category when it comes to guys. He probably likes wierd artsy intelligent music. He probably likes to read non-fiction and science mags. He probably dislikes drinking, going to clubs, and feels much more comfortable in small groups(2 to 5 people) then he does in large groups. I would guess that he complains a lot about other people. That's fine. His girlfriend(like most girls) is probably the opposite of this. This has nothing to do with his girlfriend's taste in music. I am suggesting he get better at relating to other people. He should do things that will alow him to feel more comfortable in group settings, or with strangers, or with his girlfriend at a party. There is nothing in my posts that suggest he "change" who he is(what the hell does that mean anyways) or start liking mainstream music. I'm saying he should grow his social skills. I could understand his gf wanting to get out alone simply because having him around at a party would be a bummer. OP maybe you guys are on the verge of breaking up. It sounds to me like you are unhappy anyways. So that might be for the better. I still think it's important to get out there and learn to enjoy yourself around strangers.


(disclaimer: this response is only on the little info I have and I might be completely off base, but that is just my impression as of now.)

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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I see absolutely nothing in Felix' responses that implies "keeping them in their place".

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"Well I am 40, 30 lbs overweight, and have average looks.
But I still can get hot women. I guess I'm doing something right"

That's funny, I get alot of 'I'm an overwieght unmarried middle aged white guy who knows what it takes to make relationships work. That's why when I grade my success I refer to the attractiveness of the ladies around me'

Other people have said it here before, Felix reaks of insecurity and ignorance.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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Other people have said it here before, Felix reaks of insecurity and ignorance.

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He's listing his qualifications, which IIRC were merely responses to questions. Is he not allowed to respond if he's a middle-aged unmarried guy who has the money and confidence to bang hot chicks? I don't see what's so wrong with that.

It's an anonymous message board; he may be a 14 YO girl for all I know, but if that's true she does a great job of acting like someone who knows what she's talking about.

I don't understand how so many interpret Felix' comments as tilting towards misogyny when they appear (to me) to be all about the OP growing a pair. Although I do wish he'd learn how to quote properly.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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I've been on the other side of the coin. Sometimes I want to go out without the gf because it's easier for me to enjoy myself and connect with my friends if I don't have to focus the majority of my attention on her.

Does this mean I love her any less, or that I'm going to do things that she wouldn't want me doing? Not at all. I still enjoy the time we spend together and I want her with me most of the times I go out, but every once in a while I need a little space. Chances are it's the same with your girl.

The problems arise when you don't talk about these things. It's really easy to have a misunderstanding when your message can be boiled down to "I don't want you to go out with me tonight," so it seems a lot easier to just casually not talk about it. You should confront her on it in a positive way so that you can both talk about these things openly.

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Good post, and I pretty much agree with it entirely.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

Funny stuff but I think I met your girlfriend last night mr Marsvolta...was your girls party in PB?...I was at a party last night where some chick was whining about her boyfriend acting pissy about her going out without him...some dudes were trying to convince that since the bf is suspicious anyway she should just cheat to make it worth the crap she has to put up with...i thought she wasn't that hot but <font color="white">she gave good head but wouldn't swallow?!?!? you have the same problem with her??? </font>

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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If you really liked a girl and made plans to go out without her, wouldn't it be standard to tell her those plans and at least give a reason why she isn't invited?



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NO. It wouldn't be standard. Why should it be? It doesn't mean I care about her any less for not telling her. If she asked I'd tell her without thinking twice about it, but I don't usually volunteer information like that.

The OP needs to loosen his cape. End of story.

In a relationship trust is the most important thing IMO. If you can't trust her on such a small thing like this then you are in for a rude awakening down the line.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

tuq,

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He's listing his qualifications

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To me he seems more boastful and his tone is way too sharp for no reason. I agree that you can't be trampled on and self-respect and dignity come to the forefront with every man in any relationship but this guy is trying to prove his points by speaking of the hot chicks he rails and how he has them around his finger etc., well, we don't give a [censored]. Just speak you mind, if what comes out is quality then there isn't a need to ever mention any sort of history or qualifications.

The OP does need to grow a pair. There is a difference between space and games and he doesn't seem to be hip to it. I think Edge's posts in this thread were pretty good, FWIW.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

I think it is difficult to read the situation from the OP but it really seems like a huge lack of respect on her part and that she was looking to possibly better deal him. Her follow-up comments are laughable and makes the situation much worse and hints at bad intentions.

If she wants a night to hang out away from her bf that's fine - everyone needs that. However, there is a proper way to handle it and if she truly cared should would say, "hey, do you mind if I go with my friends to a party tonight?"

Her response later makes it sound like it is coded for, "Well, I wasnt actually cheating but I wanted to check out my options. Since I didnt hook up I will now pretend it was all innocent and that you were really invited."

The OP can simply not let such actions stand - however, the level of "response" is really dependent on the OPs true read of the situation. It may range from "hey, I didnt like that you...." to breaking up with her. It all goes back to the principle of treating people in kind. If the OP lets her walk all over him she will. If he demands respect and gives it back he will get the respect he deserves.

My guess is the couple will stay in the cycle for the simple reason that it appears she felt that she could act with such impunity in the first place. I doubt this was the first time she exhibited behavior like this.

Re: Girlfriends going to parties without you - advice?
 

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i mean, if i end up hooking up with someone i'd tell him about it while we're doin' it later, anyway. i'm completely trust worthy.

[/ QUOTE ]Okay, did I miss something? Is this a joke that no one noticed?