Unrequited love - what to do?

[nature\\\'s_hated]

Oh yes, also when I was studying for my undergraduate degree aged 18 to 21 I had a very similar infatuation for another girl who I spent a lot of time alone with in my first year. I failed to get anywhere with her, despite her liking me in some way, becasue of this lack of physical confidence - I never made a move on her, and a few times early on I think she expecting me to. Instead I sent flowers and a card or something like that, like a lovestruck wimp making an offering to an unreachable goddess. Women prefer it if you grab them and kiss them, I bet.

She got a boyfriend pretty soon anyway, and I didn't see much of her. I remember the last time we met, a couple of years later when I was 21 years old (and just before I met the girl in the original post and repeated the cycle) I asked her if she'd ever go out with me, and she said, nicely but with conviction, "No." That was that - I never saw her again. Happy as we were spending time together, and as well as we got on, we both knew there was nowhere left for it to go.

I never had this conversation with the girl who came after, which is why it has dragged on so long.

[DrewDevil]

Go have sex with another woman or 10, and let this girl know you are tagging other ass. Quit following her around like a puppy dog, for god's sake. When she sees that you are losing interest in her and gaining interest in other women, she will probably suddenly get interested in you. If that happens, censored the censored out of her and go from there.

[MediaPA]

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What's going on in her head?

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Are you retarded? I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but come on. You know women who are friends with the 'fat' girl because it makes them feel better about themselves. It's a similar sort of thing. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger. It makes her feel good. Sure, she can be pleasant around you. However, it's just a huge ego boost.

Have some self pride. I mean you told her you thought you were gay, so she'd hang out with you. I'm sorry, but that's not a solid relationship builder. You two aren't friends. There's nothing there at all.

And thank you for making me realize what a little bitch I was when my girlfriend and I broke up. Oh, but we at least had sex, physical - not mental.

[nature\\\'s_hated]

Hahah yeah. There's nothing really keeping me in London, and I'd love to spend a few years teaching English in Sicily or Naples, getting slim, getting a tan, and banging sweet-assed Italian honies. Would be fun to come back and see this girl after that.

But, of course, moving to Italy and banging hotties should be things for me to do because they're fun for their own sake, not to try and impress some girl who doesn't give a crap about me.


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Go have sex with another woman or 10, and let this girl know you are tagging other ass. Quit following her around like a puppy dog, for god's sake. When she sees that you are losing interest in her and gaining interest in other women, she will probably suddenly get interested in you. If that happens, censored the censored out of her and go from there.

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[nature\\\'s_hated]

It's a legitimate question, isn't it? If she's so shocked and horrified to find out I still like her, she cuts me loose straight after I tell her. Not after we meet another time and show we still can have fun together.




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[ QUOTE ]

What's going on in her head?

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Are you retarded? I'm sorry if that offends anyone, but come on. You know women who are friends with the 'fat' girl because it makes them feel better about themselves. It's a similar sort of thing. She knows she has you wrapped around her finger. It makes her feel good. Sure, she can be pleasant around you. However, it's just a huge ego boost.

Have some self pride. I mean you told her you thought you were gay, so she'd hang out with you. I'm sorry, but that's not a solid relationship builder. You two aren't friends. There's nothing there at all.

And thank you for making me realize what a little bitch I was when my girlfriend and I broke up. Oh, but we at least had sex, physical - not mental.

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[nature\\\'s_hated]

It was great. I paid like $300 for an hour in their private appartment. Each girl I saw was early 20s Eastern European. I'd had a few experiences abroad in Prague and Amsterdam, but this was much better. It was just an incredible thrill for me realising that, having handed over the cash, the beautiful big-titted soft skinned tanned girl sitting on the bed with me would DEFINITELY have sex with me. Not only that but she'd french kiss me, suck my dick, etc. And it didn't matter if I was nervous or overweight or whatever - she would DO IT with me, for real!

I did a lot of research on Internet sites where punters review the girls working as escorts in London, so I knew the ones I saw were good. The one I saw a few times was just incredible - she started kissing you right at the door, and even afterwards was kissing you as you got dressed again. Just coming inside a girl for the first time was incredible; or managing to [censored] twice in an hour (I'm no stallion heh) made me feel so good, such a man. Looking down at my dick, seeing it going in, realising I was doing what guys do, that I could do it. I was twenty feet tall walking down the street.

I wish I'd spent the money I've blown on poker on hookers instead!



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By the way, what was it like having sex with the prostitutes? Was it humiliating, fun, sad, plain, etc.? I'm curious at what would make a guy go to one, especially more than once.

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[Felix_Nietzsche]

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A few months later I sent her an email saying I was gay - not actually true.
A few months later I finally told her I wasn't gay last summer - as if it wasn't obvious. This didn't seem to cause any damage between us.
Spent nine years in love with a girl who doesn't love me, who's happy to be friends but won't see me that often, and runs a mile if ever I tell her how I feel.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow....you are not worthy of her. You have sacrificed your self respect to her over-and-over again. Based on your own words, you also believe you are not worthy of her. This is NOT attractive to women. Like most women, she wants a man that she can respect. Congrats, you have fulfilled your self-fulling prophecy(sp?)....

A woman wants a man to be a challenge at some level to fear him. Yes I said fear.... Also a women will never truly love a man unless she fears (at some level) the man is capable of leaving her (screw that Oprah unconditional love bull****). You behave like a love sick puppy.... She does not view you as relationship material for HER. And she is right...

To salvage the mess you made would not necessarily be impossible but close to it. My advice, reduce you contact, don't be so fawning over her (she is just a girl), and find another women and nail her. Perhaps after dating another women you will evolve and perhaps your love interest may take notice.... Nine years have passed....don't make it 19 years....

Also I would advise less metrosexual and more neanderthal in dealings with women......

[MediaPA]

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It's a legitimate question, isn't it? If she's so shocked and horrified to find out I still like her, she cuts me loose straight after I tell her. Not after we meet another time and show we still can have fun together.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I'll give you a more legitimate answer.

She found someone to screw. Women fall off the planet all the time in this situation, especially when you aren't the best of friends. - OR - Have you ever thought something went fairly well to find out in the other person's mind that it was a trainwreck?

Two perfectly logical possibilities - even thought logic has no place in OOT.

[nature\\\'s_hated]

Yes, that's what I thought too. When she's single, as she definitely was back then, she's happy to kill a bit of time with me. But let's say she found a boyfriend some time after that and she doesn't want to see me any more. Firstly because she'd rather spend time getting banged by him, secondly because she doesn't want any awkward conversations with me. This would also explain her not wanting me to be around her on new year's eve.

But the invites from me she ignored came in the week after I'd seen her mid-November, so she wouldn't really have had time to meet anyone, and I got a round-robin email from her early December saying she was going on holiday to Cuba. So it's possible, but just as possible she's still single, not that that affects me in any way.

I think she might have some screwy problems of her own - why has she only had 3-6 month relationships? Successful young doctors in my experience (and my brother is one) once they're out of med school tend to have long-term relationships, get engaged, and get married.

I remember her telling me some doctor friends of hers had invited her to go with them to a strip club, and she'd been really upset and started crying. She thought it was really offensive for them to go there ogling women, viewing them as pieces of meat, and for her to feel they were looking at her in the same way.

I said "Erm, well, you know there are some guys who just can't get laid and are so desperate that going to strip clubs is the only way they get to see naked ladies." Pretty obviously talking about myself, heh.

So I'm not sure if she is sexually liberal, taking sex where and when she finds it, and I just don't measure up, or if she's screwed up about it herself.

She once kind of implied she was a lesbian, by the way, or at least that's how I understood it. So for a while, she thought I was gay and I thought she was a lezzer. But later she said she wasn't attracted to girls, had only been with guys, etc, and I thought no more of it.



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[ QUOTE ]

It's a legitimate question, isn't it? If she's so shocked and horrified to find out I still like her, she cuts me loose straight after I tell her. Not after we meet another time and show we still can have fun together.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, I'll give you a more legitimate answer.

She found someone to screw. Women fall off the planet all the time in this situation, especially when you aren't the best of friends. - OR - Have you ever thought something went fairly well to find out in the other person's mind that it was a trainwreck?

Two perfectly logical possibilities - even thought logic has no place in OOT.

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[Don_Lapre]

You have to cut her loose, my feeling is that deep down you already know this from your post. Time will heal your pain and I believe there is more than one "soulmate" for everyone.