Some Stuff About PUA (very long)

[traz]

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There is TONS to take away from PUA material

But then the category's so broad that I'm like "That's not what 95% of people mean when they say PUA". They mean, how can I go from 0-60 with some chick at a bar or party?

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true, but that's mostly what I"m trying to say. 95% of the people have no idea what PUA is or what it's about, and that includes most of the people on this forum.

So if people don't truly understand it, it's not fair to knock it either.

[Georgia Avenue]

I'd like to make a distinction between what PUA guys say is their GOAL, and what they actually tell you how to do once you've paid for their materials. Two different things imo. Every motivational speaker has the same goals, but the process of achieving them is what makes one a positive step and another a huge waste of money/time.

Also, there's a big difference between some Tyler Durden seminar (gross and manipulative) and this: (Insightful and Frightenly Amoral )

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

anacardo,

one thing i noticed is that you do something pretty much every movie in Hollywood does which is that you look at girls as being helpless to the PUA alpha male and unresponsible for her actions.

typical Hollywood movie: hero likes a really special girl who is getting boned by a jerk. if she is so special, then why is she so helpless to the jerk? shouldn't she see right through him and know that Hero is the better catch?

have you considered that American women love drama and crave it more then happiness?

[Anacardo]

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Diablo,

I'm totally down with all the stuff you describe, but it leads to another (to me) complex problem that I've been toying with.

On the one hand, yes. Everything worth doing is worth doing well, and that includes social interaction, self-presentation, etc. etc. You can't baby yourself; you can't treat yourself like you were your grandmother. "Your clothes are fine, Sonny; they make fun of you because they're jealous." So it's important to be open to self-improvement and opportunities to get better. On the other hand, how do you, and why should you, take them from people who are dissing you? This may be purely childish / emotional thinking, but that seems almost like validating their disrespect. "You're right, I do suck." You can take that from your coach but not from some douche who's taunting you. Does that make any sense? Does it actually matter where the message comes from or is the adult thing to disregard that?

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If you suck, and someone tells you that you suck, that's not disrespect, that's telling the truth. If you want to get defensive and refuse to listen, that's fine, but stop complaining about how much your life sucks.

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But what is suck? Just because something sells doesn't mean it's good. Just because it doesn't doesn't mean it's bad. That's one of the keystones of moral philosophy. The question I'm trying to ask is - does that apply here, and if so, why, and if not, why not?

[El Diablo]

Cardo,

"You can take that from your coach but not from some douche who's taunting you."

There are plenty of communities built around elements of what you're saying. Goths, hippies, D&D people, renaissance fair people, punks, etc. Lots of those people don't believe in conforming to any societal norms when it comes to how you look/dress/etc. and act accordingly. Of course, they often are just creating their own norm and conforming to it, but that's a whole different topic. It's up to you what sort of person you want to be, what sort of people you want to associate with, and what sort of people you want to attract.

[mason55]

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Cardo,

"If PUA was, as one poster described it, merely about becoming a funny, unique, interesting person who commands attention, pushes boundaries and stands out, then I respectfully suggest that I should be teaching these courses."

I suspect that how people perceive you is quite different than how you perceive yourself.


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With all due respect, when I think Anacardo I do not think "funny." "Unique" maye but not in a very good way. More in the way of kid who wore Jedi clothes to school even when it wasn't Halloween. And the attention you command for yourself is "feel sorry for me and pity me" which is not what women want.

Maybe you're different from your online persona but I bet it's much less so than you think.


wrt the OP, i'll just echo what everyone else said. PUA is about make yourself a more attractive person. There's lots of ways to do that.

I've always thought of it kind of like finding a job.

There are temporary jobs that you can just show up and they pay you just like there's temporary women (aka sloots).

If you find a job you really want you're not going to scribble your resume on a bar napkin just like you wouldn't show up looking like a slob for a date with a woman you care about.

It takes a lot of jobs/women till you know what you really want.

And lastly, the PUA part, is when you're trying to find the right job/woman you have to market yourself. You can fluff up your resume without lying just like you can market yourself to women in a better way without being untrue to yourself or hiding the "real you"

[Anacardo]

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anacardo,

one thing i noticed is that you do something pretty much every movie in Hollywood does which is that you look at girls as being helpless to the PUA alpha male and unresponsible for her actions.

typical Hollywood movie: hero likes a really special girl who is getting boned by a jerk. if she is so special, then why is she so helpless to the jerk? shouldn't she see right through him and know that Hero is the better catch?

have you considered that American women love drama and crave it more then happiness?

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This is in fact my tendency, and it's something I've lost a lot of in recent years. "Why do they fall for this?" Partial answer - because they're stupid / weak / [censored] up. Additional partial answer - because that dude's doing a lot of things right. The task is to separate out what's morally heinous from what isn't.

[Big Poppa Smurf]

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If PUA was, as one poster described it, merely about becoming a funny, unique, interesting person who commands attention, pushes boundaries and stands out, then I respectfully suggest that I should be teaching these courses.

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Qualification pls?
(I'm serious)

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My qualifications are that, despite everything you have seen on this forum since about 2007 on, I have had a lot of social success for just the reasons described. I was one of the most popular kids in my high school, I had several college classes that basically ate out of my hand. I'm funny, unique, memorable, express myself well (contrary to what the above thoughtblob might lead you to believe), am not afraid to push people's boundaries, and have worked hard to instill in myself what Bison just called 'an attitude of trained fearlessness.' All my life complete strangers have randomly come up to me on campus, at parties, in various organizations, etc. to tell me that I don't know them but that they've heard of me and that they wanted to meet me because I rule. So forth.

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maybe Mason is right that you are a completely different person online than in real life, but this self-description doesn't sound anything like what most 2p2 posters would describe you as

[JuntMonkey]

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Also, there's a big difference between some Tyler Durden seminar (gross and manipulative) and this: (Insightful and Frightenly Amoral )

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Can you elaborate on what you mean here?

Also I want to read that book - good idea?

[El Diablo]

LFS,

"I've always been my most successful with women when I really don't care one way or another"

Yeah, but have you ever had the deal where you have all sorts of women that you're sort of whatever about all over you, but then you run into a girl that you are super into and then flub it up somehow? Maybe call her too much, maybe be too eager, maybe not now when to shut up, maybe be too available, etc.

I've done crap like that a number of times and feel like a lot of this stuff is about sort of bottling up the way you are when you are not nervous or intimidated at all about the outcome (which generally leads to positive results) and applying that in situations where you are actually somewhat anxious about things.