Brag : Slick Insult at B&M

[Georgia Avenue]

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So I'm playing some 5/5 NL and this guy is sitting beside me. We're real friendly, laughing it up. He's actually one of the better players at the table, despite this being his first (or maybe second) time playing B&M poker. He's a lawyer and afterwards he gives me his card telling me he had a great time and wants me to e-mail him so we can play together the next time I go down (weird).

Anyway... one hand he check raises big and shows his two pair after taking the pot down. He says something inane about 'two of a kind'. So I look at him as he's racking his chips and say :

"Did it hurt?"
He mumbles for a bit says "did it hurt? What do you mean? Did what hurt?"

And I respond...

"When you fell or, rather, were cast out of heaven as the morning star and plummeted through the ether into a lake of fire to rule over your satanic kingdom, aka Canada?".

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[JCCARL]

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there's an old cliche about someone who is really niave

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That is ironic, not sarcastic.

PS: Standard reply to the did it hurt falling off the turnip truck comment:

"Not as much as it must have hurt when they hit you with the stupid stick."

*Chortles*

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Or falling out of the stupid tree and hitting every branch on the way down

[Senator_Thack]

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this reminds me of some form of a mix between a knock-knock joke and a pick up line. really well done.

p.s. ur new at insulting people arent u?

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Knock knock

Who's there?

Wanna [censored]?

[Gobgogbog]

beets, brags and variance

[Gildwulf]

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beets, brags and variance


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POTY (pun of the year)

[mayday4379]

This proves my theory that poker jokes are only funny when someone hears someone ELSE say it. Jokes that you tell and post are not funny. I have a 95% confidence level in their theory.

[eviljeff]

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this reminds me of some form of a mix between a knock-knock joke and a pick up line.

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Knock Knock

[keikiwai]

I used the turnip truck comment today. Obv. it wasn't funny and I had to explain it.... villain was reciting everyone's PT stats and talking about stuff you're not supposed to let the fish find out about:

<font color="red">
chippej: you're loose/aggressive
chippej: zbyte is a ultra aggressor
chippej: and keikiwai is tight / unknown</font>
#4762891816: disliljoker wins $17.15
<font color="green">keikiwai: and u chip just fell of the turnip truck
keikiwai: off</font>
<font color="red">
chippej: what's a turnip truck?</font>
#4762896505: chippej wins $15.70 from the main pot with a pair of tens.
<font color="green">
keikiwai: it's like the short bus</font>
<font color="red">
chippej: ok, sorry. i'm swedish, don't know these words</font>
<font color="green">
keikiwai: it means shut the XXXX up
</font>

[mlagoo]

it really takes the sting out of a good BURN when you have to correct your spelling afterwards

its like stuttering during an insult

[keikiwai]

Some more turnip truck attempted humor. I open pushed a flop and everyone folded, but villain got pissed at me:

Note the expert combination of turnip truck and short bus jokes...

<font color="red">
Stephen1474: Keikiwai
Stephen1474: Keiki, XXXXyou
Stephen1474: fuc.k you
Stephen1474: doggy</font>
<font color="green">
keikiwai: Did it hurt?</font>
#4762203615: WheelTycoon888 wins $3.35 from the main pot with a pair of fours with ace kicker.
<font color="green">
keikiwai: When you fell off the turnip truck?</font>
<font color="red">
Stephen1474: fuc.k you, fuc.k your mother,your sister, fuc.k all your famly</font>
<font color="green">
keikiwai: How much did the short bus ticket to get here cost, eh Stephen?</font>
#4762208747: WheelTycoon888 wins $2.85 from the main pot with high card king with queen kicker.
<font color="green">
keikiwai: Come on... how about a clever rejoinder?
keikiwai: Like "XXXX you"?</font>
#4762215816: thetien2k wins $4.90
<font color="green">
keikiwai: Stpehen is a bot. He doesn't respond to chat.</font>
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: bot ?</font>
<font color="green">
keikiwai: As in poker playing robot</font>
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: omg</font>
#4762220573: Stephen1474 wins $75 from the main pot with a full house, Fours full of fives.
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: that bot got me 50$
thetien2k: good bot
</font>
<font color="green">
keikiwai: It's hard not to lose if you hit your set and then have the board pair
keikiwai: Go thetien!</font>
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: go go</font>
#4762228456: MatCauthon66 wins $49 from the main pot with a straight, three to seven.
#4762228456: thetien2k wins $49 from the main pot with a straight, three to seven.
MatCauthon66: lol
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: keiki
thetien2k: how to buy a bot like stephen ?</font>
#4762240778: keikiwai wins $10.65
<font color="green">
keikiwai: garage sale?</font>
<font color="blue">
thetien2k: oh</font>
#4762247322: Stephen1474 wins $2.40 from the main pot with high card ace