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#33
08-29-2007, 08:42 PM
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Re: Infidelity
cliff's notes:
OP can't lay pipe properly. wife gets boned by her boss. OP [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] ...you know, when i was a kid in NC you could sue someone who nailed your wife for 'alienation of affection' or something like that, dunno if it's still the case or if it can happen anywhere else. 
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#36
08-29-2007, 09:15 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
Are you taking any accountability for this? Surely you can't think that you are not at fault in some way here. I'm not condoning your wife's actions but what about the things you could have done differently? [/ QUOTE ] QFT. No one is excusing her behavior, but if that is all that you focus on you are going to get nowhere. Too many people focus on the infidelity part and don't look beyond that to see what the root issues are that caused it to happen. There is a lot more beneath the surface going on than just her going off trying to get some strange dick.
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#37
08-29-2007, 09:28 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
Too many people focus on the infidelity part and don't look beyond that to see what the root issues are that caused it to happen. There is a lot more beneath the surface going on than just her going off trying to get some strange dick. [/ QUOTE ] Great point. It's easy to call her a "cheating whore" but why is she cheating? I posted this in a different forum but it's worth referencing here: a friend of mine recently discovered his wife was getting boned by the tennis pro of the country club they belonged to. Probably in their bed and maybe with the young kids around. She got an STD too, I believe. Then I had lunch with a mutual friend of ours who also recently got divorced and figured he would be sympathetic. He wasn't. He said the reasons she cited for the infidelity - emotional detachment, excessive drinking - were probably rooted in truth. And I know the guy and he IS in his own little shell and he DOES drink a lot, particularly in binges. It's easy to look at the outcome without considering the cause. I now realize that my friend deserves his share of the blame for what happened. I'm not saying slim is a crappy husband but maybe he could improve in some way that will keep the next one from straying.
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#38
08-29-2007, 09:29 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
Are you taking any accountability for this? Surely you can't think that you are not at fault in some way here. I'm not condoning your wife's actions but what about the things you could have done differently? [/ QUOTE ] What? How is this his fault? His wife's carrying on a 2 yr affair with her boss while he's probably home watching the 3 yr olds and making dinner. I don't see how this is his fault in any way.
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#39
08-29-2007, 09:42 PM
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Re: Infidelity
He says it in his post:
[ QUOTE ] We had the typical marriage....basically on autopilot and taking each other for granted. Not many fights just raising the kids and no romance. [/ QUOTE ] While he may think this the "typical" marriage, it's certainly not a healthy one. OP has yet to explain why this is all her fault (which it might be if she's a yambag like my wife).
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#40
08-29-2007, 10:18 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
He says it in his post: [ QUOTE ] We had the typical marriage....basically on autopilot and taking each other for granted. Not many fights just raising the kids and no romance. [/ QUOTE ] While he may think this the "typical" marriage, it's certainly not a healthy one. OP has yet to explain why this is all her fault (which it might be if she's a yambag like my wife). [/ QUOTE ] Yes we had a typical marriage which is pretty crappy. In other words, we worked, raised the kids and didn't spend a lot of alone time together. The things we did always included the kids and/or other members of the extended family. We always looked at all the other couples we knew and compared ourselves to them and always thought we had a better marriage than all of them bc we hardly fought and had no money problems. However, I can say we didn't appreciate each other. Sad to say, that to me is a typical marriage at least from what I saw of others we knew. After the honeymoon period is over, it is easy to slip into the autopilot mode. As for me as a husband, I can say that although I am nowhere near perfect, I am FAR from being a bad husband. I did all of the "manly" house stuff (cutting grass,fixing things etc) as well as many of the "wifely" stuff.....changed diapers, cooked,groceries ,vacuum etc. I have never even come close to physically abusing my wife, don't smoke, drink or ever even tried drugs. As far as this affair being my fault, there is no way I am taking any blame for this. BEFORE I found out about her affair, I talked to my wife on 4 occasions about how we needed to change our relationship for the better, I bought and read a book about relationships which I also asked her to read (she read 1 chapter and stopped), and I wrote her a letter in which I took responsibility for pain that I had caused her in the past. So although I agree that the root cause of the affair stems from a less than satisfying marriage, that in no way justifies an affair. Everything I have read on affairs says to never blame myself just like an abuse victim should not blame themselves ( but they tend to).
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