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#31
08-13-2007, 05:43 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
[ QUOTE ]
Give therapy and meds a shot You dont gotta read the news or pick up hobbies to be more interesting, the key to socializing is just asking people questions that allow them to talk about themselves, because thats all anyones main goal is in a conversation anyway. But do get some hobbies you enjoy tho just cuz its good for you, and its also a good way to meet people with similar interests [/ QUOTE ] oh yeah, no one actually cares what you have to say, they just want someone to listen to what THEY have to say 95% of people view a conversation as waiting for their turn to talk 
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#32
08-13-2007, 05:55 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
Seriously, just be one of those people who finds girls' and other outgoing males' stories fascinating. People will always want you around as a foil. Then after a while they may start to rub off on you as well.
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#33
08-13-2007, 05:57 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Give therapy and meds a shot You dont gotta read the news or pick up hobbies to be more interesting, the key to socializing is just asking people questions that allow them to talk about themselves, because thats all anyones main goal is in a conversation anyway. But do get some hobbies you enjoy tho just cuz its good for you, and its also a good way to meet people with similar interests [/ QUOTE ] oh yeah, no one actually cares what you have to say, they just want someone to listen to what THEY have to say 95% of people view a conversation as waiting for their turn to talk [/ QUOTE ] I agree with this to an extent, but people will always want to talk to you more if you have something to say. Picking up a hobby, just gives me something to talk about with other people. It helps in that way. For the same reason learning about investments helps with talking to people, it's just another facet you have. I've never been one who had a great story to tell, and developing raconteur skills are somehting that take a while to develop. I mean I guess this has been a long term problem, but has specifically flared up this weekend, with the girl I'm seeing. For the first 36 hours we were together it was great. We talked about her law school orientation, about my quitting my job, how the LSATs were coming, but eventually it just got flat, and we couldn't talk about anything. We went out to a bar, and I just had nothing new to add, besides what was on the TV there. It's just frustrating And FWIW, yeah, I'm pretty badly depressed, had to leave college 2x for suicide attempts, and am heavily doped up on lithium and prozac.
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#34
08-13-2007, 05:58 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
[ QUOTE ]
Seriously, just be one of those people who finds girls' and other outgoing males' stories fascinating. People will always want you around as a foil. Then after a while they may start to rub off on you as well. [/ QUOTE ] Yeah, if you're disinterested in what people have to say they're not going to want to talk to you very much.
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#36
08-13-2007, 06:16 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
The problem with some of this, IMHO, is that there is something debilitating about engaging in hobbies for reasons other than genuine interest, and in superficially dabbling in certain topics for the sole purpose of generating conversation.
The problem with my problem, IMHO, is that these things are the catalysts for the more meaningful interactions. Much of life is in the details and there is a lot of subtle value in small talk and simple interaction. So, if it doesn't come naturally, any effort to instigate it would be beneficial. I think there is a general malaise that we are becoming a nation of misanthropes, and this causes some people to shut down socially. OP, I think a lot of people can sympathize. I can. I have been blessed with a close group of friends that have remained in touch from high-school through college. We engage in tons of activities, get togethers etc. and there are still moments where I feel somewhat disconnected. Anyhoo, GL.
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#37
08-13-2007, 06:18 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] And FWIW, yeah, I'm pretty badly depressed, had to leave college 2x for suicide attempts, and am heavily doped up on lithium and prozac. [/ QUOTE ] doesn't the medication help? FWIW, I don't really think you can change personalities a whole heck of a lot- everyone's genetically hardwired in different ways. I think you can be more social and outgoing, but you're going to have put a lot more effort into it than someone who is extroverted. It would be like Arnold Shwarzenegger(sp?) who could simply look at weights and get huge vs. someone who has a tough time putting on lean muscle mass must follow everything to a T just to put on one pound of muscle..
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#38
08-13-2007, 06:19 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
Ask lots of open ended questions then if you can't think of anything to say just repeat the last few words they said in a questioning tone. This cue's people to go into more details, I think its called parroting.
IE. you "oh hi, how do you know dave" scary stranger "oh we met in college" you "..in college?? scary stranger "oh yada yada, fun college story here" People mostly just want to talk about themselves, so if you ask them lots of questions they usually wont shut up.. you can add in when you feel more comfortable. You should talk to new people the very first time you meet them, if you say something within a few seconds of seeing them at a party or whatever it makes it a lot easier. If you are with friends have them introduce you to others etc..
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#39
08-13-2007, 06:23 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
After I left university I did nothing but watch sports, write sports and talk about sports. I was pretty worried I'd become boring (like 1994 Knicks-Rockets NBA Final boring).
I ended up taking some classes (Spanish at the local university and a music class at the local conservatory). That worked well I found.
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#40
08-13-2007, 06:24 PM
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Re: I have no social skills, am incredibly boring, and want to end it
Well, my problem is frequently the opposite.
I go through my introverted or don't-really-give-a-crap-about-anyone-here phases. But mostly I'm pretty well known for being stupidly over-talkative. Voted 'most ralkative' of my high-school class. Worked previously in radio where all I did was talk, talk, talk. etc etc. So I'll shed my somewhat opposite perspective on it. 1. The fact that I talk (I've cut it down somewhat though) more than other people does not make me any more interesting at all. I know plenty of introverts who are pretty damned interesting IF you can get them to open-up a bit. But I don't care if I'm not as smart as others around me and what I have to say might not really be that interesting in the grand scheme of things. I make observations anyway. 2. I get going the most when I'm more caffeinated. I'll make stupid, random observations about the stupidest things. Look at the world like a little kid. It's fun. Ask questions, make observations, whatever. In general, activate your mind somewhat so that your conversational stuff doesn't just revolve around what is on TV. But even then, whatever is on the TV at the bar can still be your spark if you want it to be and it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Commercials are getting weirder and weirder these days. Discuss. This song sucks...why is this idiot singing like this? or this song is awesome...these guys officially kick-ass. Discuss. Hobbies are nice too. But I don't think you need a ton of hobbies to develop opinions on some things or be able to have a conversation. Even just making eye-contact and being somewhat friendly/smiley can get people to open-up and when other people open-up then that can get contagious on you as well. I think there's some potential for OP to make more friends in a somewhat social-setting like law school. There will be a ton of work involved too obviously but you'll be working some in group settings I would think. Instead of complaining about always being tired or about how boring this stuff is I think purposefully being a more positive person about "we can do this. It kind of sucks right now to be studying and reading 20 hours a day but I feel like I can make it" can rub off positively on other people as well. I tend to complain a bit more than other people I think and am really concious of that so that's why I guess I'm go much into recommending positivity. Good luck. Hope some of this gave you some kinds of ideas.
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