When you have a daughter....

[Lanzalot]

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Just accept the fact that your daughter is gonna suck d1ck and have sex before she is married. The more overprotective you are, the more she will want to lash out at you and be a [censored].

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It's true what you say, slickpoppa. Sheltering can really backfire. The porn industry has its share of preacher's daughters.

I have a 15-month old little girl. I just want to teach her to respect herself and others. What happens, happens. I will try to raise a good person, tell her the dangers and which precautions to take, and make sure she is involved in interesting activities that stimulate her. She will probably end up having sex in her mid-to-late teens, but what are you going to do? I won't be able to watch her all the time.

Of course, consensual sex is one thing. If anybody physically harms her, they are going to be in a wheelchair for a couple months while their kneecaps heal.

[4_2_it]

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Of course, consensual sex is one thing. If anybody physically harms her, they are going to be in a wheelchair for a couple months while their kneecaps heal.

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I would not be able to show that much restraint. Of course, my prison sentence would be much longer than yours.

[Los Feliz Slim]

My daughter just turned one. My first line of attack is to raise her to be a strong-willed, intelligent, independent decision maker. I think most young girls get in trouble because society tells them not to think for themselves and let the boys decide what to do, and we all know what happens then. Second, as others have mentioned, I plan on my wife and I staying as involved as possible in her life so she's not sneaking around (my wife is good cop, I will have to be the disciplinarian so it'll be a little more difficult for me).

I don't expect my daughter to never have any fun, and I'd feel awful if I bullied her into being a doormat or a sneak and a liar (like I was when I was a teenager). I'm sure she'll drink, smoke pot, etc, I just don't want her to be a [censored] idiot about it.

[youtalkfunny]

Mike Royko had a great column about this.

He wrote about a friend of his who had teenage daughters. When the young suitors would show up, and the girls would make them wait ("She'll be right down!"), the guy's wife would say, "Why don't you take Billy down to the cellar, and show him your model train set?"

Once in the cellar, Royko's friend would get right in the kid's face, and make all his threats. This way, the daughter never knew about it, and didn't give him a hard time.

[daveymck]

Spam

I agree to a point and I think he would be pretty pissed if he knew I was looking. However as he is ramping up into full moody teenage mode and it has helped stop some situations get out of control where big arguments could have happened.

For example he acted very much out of character and went off somewhere at a strange time totally unusual and acting weird and evasive, turned out he was meeting a girl and going to her house with her friend and probably felt embarressed about telling us (mainly due to his little sisters taking the mick amonst other things). Took me two seconds to find it out and meant no grillings for him when he came home as would have happened otherwise ie where you been what doing.

Theres issues around drugs in his school and in the area where his Dad and mates live, plus you will be aware that in the UK there is a huge underage drink problem as well as high rates of pregnancy.

I make no apologies for using whatever tools available to ensure that over these next few difficult years he stays both on the rails and gets all the support and advice he needs from us (if we have to snoop a bit so be it). I am sure he will untick the save log file box on msn at some point shortly.

Edited to add

I think a lot of this my point of view comes from the fact I had huge problems at school, that made my life hell and my parents were totally unaware of what was going on and as such able to give any support or assistance. I ended up taking an overdose and being hospitalised for a week at 17, even now I still dont know if my parents know what happened or if they beleived it was gastral enteritis like the hospital said.

As such it means I would rather sneak and know what is going on, than not and be totally obvlivious and unsupporting to my kids.

[Mrs. Utah]

I don't expect my daughter to never have any fun, and I'd feel awful if I bullied her into being a doormat or a sneak and a liar (like I was when I was a teenager). I'm sure she'll drink, smoke pot, etc, I just don't want her to be a [censored] idiot about it.

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I agree with this. Utah and I have 2 daughters 7 and 9(our 9 year old has already started puberty and is boy crazy)
Kids are savvy and have access to so much information all the time.
My plan is to teach everything I can-no sugar coating. I am a labor and delivery nurse and have delivered many teenage girls-I also worked as a sexual assault examiner and did way too many forensic rape kits on too many teenage girls that got in over their heads. Alcohol was always a contributing factor.
Dating is one thing...drugs, alcohol and the need to be independent will all be present.
Keep it open, honest, and educate them. Remember girls may not always be comfortable talking to their dads...get moms, aunts, girlfriends involved.

I will leave it to Utah to put the fear of god into the boys, after all he was a teenage boy once too.

[Gunny Highway]

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My daughter just turned one. My first line of attack is to raise her to be a strong-willed, intelligent, independent decision maker.

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I agree. This is absolutely the right way to think about this. Also, be close to her. It has been shown that girls who don't have close relationships with their fathers tend to be more promiscuous, among other things. By the way, mine is two and I'm scared shitless.

[Mermade]

This sounds great 4_2_it. I think all kids need strong values and open communication with their parents. I have a son not a daughter, but I think a lot about what I'm going to say to him about sex and when. I think maybe the best way for your daughter to be protected is for us to instill the same values in our sons, so that they will treat the women they interact with in their lives with respect.

[Jay.]

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Another thought. When I get my daughter a cell phone (probably for her 13th B-day) it will not have a text message feature. 13-17 year olds do not "need" to text each other. They can use the phone or exchange email if they "need" to communicate.

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Just a life of what she neeeds then? bread and water lifestyle sounds awesome.

[4_2_it]

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Another thought. When I get my daughter a cell phone (probably for her 13th B-day) it will not have a text message feature. 13-17 year olds do not "need" to text each other. They can use the phone or exchange email if they "need" to communicate.

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Just a life of what she needs then? bread and water?

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Can anyone please give me a reason other than status or vanity as to why a 13 year old needs to have a text messaging cell phone? I want her to have the phone as a safety issue. Of course, she can call her friends anytime she wishes.

What is the BFD with text messaging? Are we heading to a society where everyone will just text message each other. I want my daughter to learn how to build relationships. This requires more interaction than AIM can give. When she is older, I'm sure that AIM will be allowed, it's just at this point it isn't on the table.