a crash course in prenups

[guids]

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guids,

If she stayed at home to take care of the kids and do the cooking (my impression is that you're looking for a very conventional domestic woman), she is saving you lots and lots of money that you would have otherwise spent. So in some sense, a good chunk of what you sock away during the marriage is money you earned precisely because she was in a spot to be taken advantage of in that way.

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Im not asking her to do any of this though. Thats the real problem I have. I want her to do whatever she is happy doing, if this means cooking every night, great (and srsly, this isnt saving me much money, plus no girls nowadays even know how to cook). If she wants to work, awesome. Just be logical about things is all I ask. Also, her cooking <<<<<< the stuff Id buy her.

A better way to put this:


I am 25, single, Im doing just fine on my own, I cook, do my own laundry, drive a nice car, have a nice place, I make a good chunk of money, Im in little debt, so why should I "pay" my wife to do any of these things?

[Fast Food Knight]

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I'm not gonna ever ask a woman i marry to be a stay at home so this is why im so full on prenup. Plus unless the marriage ends badly i.e. she cheats...I'd give her a portion of stuff..i.e sell the house and split it with her etc regardless

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This is the sort of answer I was looking for, thank you.

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids,

If she stayed at home to take care of the kids and do the cooking (my impression is that you're looking for a very conventional domestic woman), she is saving you lots and lots of money that you would have otherwise spent. So in some sense, a good chunk of what you sock away during the marriage is money you earned precisely because she was in a spot to be taken advantage of in that way.

[/ QUOTE ]

Im not asking her to do any of this though. Thats the real problem I have. I want her to do whatever she is happy doing, if this means cooking every night, great (and srsly, this isnt saving me much money, plus no girls nowadays even know how to cook). If she wants to work, awesome. Just be logical about things is all I ask. Also, her cooking <<<<<< the stuff Id buy her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If she does work, is she paying for the child care out of her pocket? My point was that somebody has to take care of the kids, and it costs money, either in the form of income foregone by her (and thus saved by you) or from what you pay to employ somebody to do it. What I'm saying is even if she chooses to stay at home, the money that YOU (as opposed to the you and wife combo) save is money that you have pretty much directly because of her. I think in those circumstances it isn't unfair to recoup that.

I tend to think that divorce proceedings are a little too wanton with the division of assets, and I used to have a more hardline opinion like yours. A lengthy discussion with my fiancee about some of this stuff a while ago brought up a lot of the woman's side of things that I hadn't really thought about.

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
guids,

If she stayed at home to take care of the kids and do the cooking (my impression is that you're looking for a very conventional domestic woman), she is saving you lots and lots of money that you would have otherwise spent. So in some sense, a good chunk of what you sock away during the marriage is money you earned precisely because she was in a spot to be taken advantage of in that way.

[/ QUOTE ]

Im not asking her to do any of this though. Thats the real problem I have. I want her to do whatever she is happy doing, if this means cooking every night, great (and srsly, this isnt saving me much money, plus no girls nowadays even know how to cook). If she wants to work, awesome. Just be logical about things is all I ask. Also, her cooking <<<<<< the stuff Id buy her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If she does work, is she paying for the child care out of her pocket? My point was that somebody has to take care of the kids, and it costs money, either in the form of income foregone by her (and thus saved by you) or from what you pay to employ somebody to do it. What I'm saying is even if she chooses to stay at home, the money that YOU (as opposed to the you and wife combo) save is money that you have pretty much directly because of her. I think in those circumstances it isn't unfair to recoup that.

I tend to think that divorce proceedings are a little too wanton with the division of assets, and I used to have a more hardline opinion like yours. A lengthy discussion with my fiancee about some of this stuff a while ago brought up a lot of the woman's side of things that I hadn't really thought about.

[/ QUOTE ]

If she doesnt work, Im still paying for everything though, just because she raises the kids and stays at home, yes it may save me money, but Im paying for the food, Im paying for the mortgage, Im paying the utilities, Im paying for their schooling, groceries, etc. So, imo, she is using more of my money than anything else. If she decides she wants to work, than we split the cost evenly. im not going to change my whole life for anyone, Im doing just fine on my own, so if we love eachother enough to get married, she is going to love me enough to understand that.

[VoraciousReader]

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But in all reality, the logistics of raising kids isnt too tough once they hit 5 or 6, they are in school 8 hours a day, so there is no reason for her to sit around the house

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Oh, yes, 5 or 6 years old...when they start joining Little League and ballet and soccer and require transportation to and from practices/games/performances, not to mention attendance at those games/performances...

and require equipping for all of these things: buying (which includes shopping for) tutus and softballs and shoes that they outgrow every couple of months. Not to mention coaching or when it's your turn to bring snacks for any and all of the above activities. And they start needing help with homework, reading practice, and start getting sick more because they are in contact with other kids and need doctor's appointments and dentist appointments and innoculations. And you're expected to attend PTA meetings and parent-teacher conferences and activities at the school several times a month. Not to mention that you as the parent are held responsible for making sure that the little darling arrives at school every day with every thing that he needs to get him through the day.

And if there is more than one you end up trying to coordinate all of this around the care and feeding of an infant or toddler...trying to keep a small child safe once he starts walking. Trying to do the grocery shopping while keeping your kid close and being watchful for someone that might snatch your baby/child...or he just wanders off into the path of a passing car.

I could go on and on and on. And we haven't even talked about housecleaning and laundry and meals...all things that increase exponentially when you add kids to a household and also things that nobody ever notices until somebody STOPS doing them.

So, no, your supposed wife was not just sitting around on her ass all day while you were making your supposed millions away from home at the club. In fact, she got up before the kids did every morning, and was exhausted when she put them to bed that night.

[VoraciousReader]

[ QUOTE ]
If she doesnt work, Im still paying for everything though, just because she raises the kids and stays at home, yes it may save me money, but Im paying for the food, Im paying for the mortgage, Im paying the utilities, Im paying for their schooling, groceries, etc. So, imo, she is using more of my money than anything else. If she decides she wants to work, than we split the cost evenly. im not going to change my whole life for anyone, Im doing just fine on my own, so if we love eachother enough to get married, she is going to love me enough to understand that.

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Then you shouldn't have any kids.

[guids]

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But in all reality, the logistics of raising kids isnt too tough once they hit 5 or 6, they are in school 8 hours a day, so there is no reason for her to sit around the house

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Oh, yes, 5 or 6 years old...when they start joining Little League and ballet and soccer and require transportation to and from practices/games/performances, not to mention attendance at those games/performances...

and require equipping for all of these things: buying (which includes shopping for) tutus and softballs and shoes that they outgrow every couple of months. Not to mention coaching or when it's your turn to bring snacks for any and all of the above activities. And they start needing help with homework, reading practice, and start getting sick more because they are in contact with other kids and need doctor's appointments and dentist appointments and innoculations. And you're expected to attend PTA meetings and parent-teacher conferences and activities at the school several times a month. Not to mention that you as the parent are held responsible for making sure that the little darling arrives at school every day with every thing that he needs to get him through the day.

And if there is more than one you end up trying to coordinate all of this around the care and feeding of an infant or toddler...trying to keep a small child safe once he starts walking. Trying to do the grocery shopping while keeping your kid close and being watchful for someone that might snatch your baby/child...or he just wanders off into the path of a passing car.

I could go on and on and on. And we haven't even talked about housecleaning and laundry and meals...all things that increase exponentially when you add kids to a household and also things that nobody ever notices until somebody STOPS doing them.

So, no, your supposed wife was not just sitting around on her ass all day while you were making your supposed millions away from home at the club. In fact, she got up before the kids did every morning, and was exhausted when she put them to bed that night.

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This is a bunch of [censored]. My mom handled all this stuff, and was so bored she had to go back to school to get her degree so she could start teaching because of how useless she felt during the day. These are her words not mine.


Are you srsly bitching about buying sports equipment, and driving a kid to school as something that I should be bowing down to your graces for doing? get real.


Maybe my dad just pulled more than his fair share than yours, or something, but that whole post is a joke. My dad was the one that coached us in sports, spend weekends w/ us picking out cleats, etc. If the husband does what he should and owns up to his responsibility of raising the kids (something severly lacking in this country obv), than I he doesnt owe anyone anything.

[VoraciousReader]

Yeah, guids, definitely don't get married.

Big Flashing Red Light to Women Everywhere: A man that says "MY MOTHER DID ALL THOSE THINGS."

[VoraciousReader]

Are you seriously arguing that all the money that is earned in the marriage is yours if she stays at home? That you derive no benefit from having her raise your kids? That you don't save literally tens of thousands of dollars in child care costs alone?

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, guids, definitely don't get married.

Big Flashing Red Light to Women Everywhere: A man that says "MY MOTHER DID ALL THOSE THINGS."

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this is laughable. laundry, and cooking...haha...get real. Or maybe IM SUPER HUMAN in the fact that I do all these things myself, while earning a good income, and still have more than plenty of time to go out and party....