Female on Paxil, Things have changed

[Hopey]

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and she says "Not. Part. Of. The. Deal." ouch.

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I would have found it very hard not to strangle her at this point.

[shemp]

If this thread is fake, you are a genius. It is the car wreck that I read in horror. I'll say it once more, and stop reading. She is not your friend. You are not in love with her. This is a codependency, and you need to do something else.

[Doc7]

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Every time she rejects you, she is giving you a clue.

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OK , then , here is what i want to know.

I am not rich. I am not incredibly handsome. I do aid her in homework, however that mostly consists of me yelling at her to turn off the TV and do the work or I'm leaving as opposed to doing her work for her / helping her get good grades on exams.

what reason does she have to almost continously make intentional appeals to my sex drive (including setting down ground rules about certain activities that may and may not occur if we end up screwing)? I can not believe that there is a part of a woman that could be this malicious for the sake of being this malicious.

if i had money, I could see it.

[TimM]

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i DO cross lines, and she keeps rejecting them. the arm around her, the whole thing where i tried to turn brushing her hair into a massage, etc. i'm making the effort here, she is just being a tease.

(probably a bitch one at that, but i'm still letting things play out)

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She doesn't keep rejecting them, and there is nothing to play out. She completely rejected you in her mind as a potential partner a long time ago, and you still don't realize it. Now you are just entertainment.

[Phil153]

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Every time she rejects you, she is giving you a clue.

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OK , then , here is what i want to know.

I am not rich. I am not incredibly handsome. I do aid her in homework, however that mostly consists of me yelling at her to turn off the TV and do the work or I'm leaving as opposed to doing her work for her / helping her get good grades on exams.

what reason does she have to almost continously make intentional appeals to my sex drive (including setting down ground rules about certain activities that may and may not occur if we end up screwing)? I can not believe that there is a part of a woman that could be this malicious for the sake of being this malicious.

if i had money, I could see it.

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You're a loser and she's playing with you, kind of like a cat toys with a mouse.

There is a tiny bit of interest, or she wouldn't do these things, but she's not going to give it up to a guy who's a [censored] cowardly idiot. She's giving you a chance to step up and you keep backing away like a [censored] loser.

God damn. I'm done with this thread.

[Cancer Merchant]

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OK , then , here is what i want to know.

I am not rich. I am not incredibly handsome. I do aid her in homework, however that mostly consists of me yelling at her to turn off the TV and do the work or I'm leaving as opposed to doing her work for her / helping her get good grades on exams.

what reason does she have to almost continously make intentional appeals to my sex drive (including setting down ground rules about certain activities that may and may not occur if we end up screwing)? I can not believe that there is a part of a woman that could be this malicious for the sake of being this malicious.

if i had money, I could see it.

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Why? XX

Believe it, some women do this either for fun or because they don't know any better. This one does know better, it seems. You cannot change this, only she can.

But please, continue to dance on her strings, it at least gives the rest of us a laugh between cringes.

[Los Feliz Slim]

Doc,

She likes the attention. She's not taking YOUR feelings into consideration. She's having fun. Have you ever seen a cat bat a mouse around before killing it?

This is going to happen to you over and over again until you're so sick of it you won't be able to help but do something about it. It's the only way you'll get out of this hole you're in. Print this thread out. Someday, hopefully, when your head has emerged from wherever it is right now, you're going to read this and want to shoot yourself in the head.

[Tappy Tibbons]

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Every time she rejects you, she is giving you a clue.

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OK , then , here is what i want to know.

I am not rich. I am not incredibly handsome. I do aid her in homework, however that mostly consists of me yelling at her to turn off the TV and do the work or I'm leaving as opposed to doing her work for her / helping her get good grades on exams.

what reason does she have to almost continously make intentional appeals to my sex drive (including setting down ground rules about certain activities that may and may not occur if we end up screwing)? I can not believe that there is a part of a woman that could be this malicious for the sake of being this malicious.

if i had money, I could see it.

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She likes you as a friend, but she is not attracted to you. She's doing this because logically she wants to be attracted to a "nice guy" like you. The problem is, attraction is not a logical decision or a choice. She's hoping that by doing this, you'll break out of your shell and become the "real man" she's attracted to. Unfortunately, with the bad first impression you've made, and you're current mindset, that is never going to happen.

[Blarg]

It's not necessarily outright malicious, though some of that is there, so much as totally egocentric.

It boosts her ego enormously, and she appears to enjoy this and maybe even need it, since it's leading her to, frankly, degrade you, which is taking ego needs too far. She's not just enjoying your attention in a merely healthy way, but taking the next step.

Your merely showing up, even when she basically gives you nothing, makes her feel not just ordinarily but extraordinarily sexually validated without even having to bother with anything so human and messy as, oh, sex. Or intimacy. Anything that would truly put her to the test and make HER take a risk too, and perhaps come up short. As it is, you're buying the cow but not even asking for the milk, so she gets all the benefits, to an immature mind, of being wanted without any of the scary potential downsides. Eliminate contact from happening, and it can't go wrong?

In the state of suspended animation she has placed both your and her sexuality in(at least, she puts hers to sleep when she's around YOU), it's a perfect world for her of all receiving without having to give, all benefitting without having to risk.

For a very immature person, which it sounds like she is, this is sexuality as a non-sexual paradise, as if she were still in a world with unicorn pillows and Ken and Barbies that only had a strange non-descript smoothness where their goodies should be. It's an infantile satisfaction she's going for, and by roping you in, she's making you infantile too.

You don't need to give her money. You're a sexless Ken preserving her Barbie state of mind. You're both preventing each other from growing up, which is a good deal if you're scared of your sexuality. Who else would willingly enter this hallucination with her? Sorry if it sounds harsh, but guys as willing to cut their nuts off as you are not all that easy to find.

What do you think she gets out of this relationship that a mature adult would want? That a caring adult would want? That an adult interested in f*cking you would want?

Seriously.

She should thank you for preserving her childhood, in this Never Never Land where little boys, and girls, never grow up and never need put their feet with an unsatisfying thump on the same, plain old ground everyone else has to walk on. Or maybe she should curse you? Because it's not really doing her any good either. Maybe she just thinks it is, because that's all she knows and all she has the courage to know. I don't think your playing along is helping.

[Doc7]

Tappy:

What do you interpret as my current mindset?

And what do you think my mindset SHOULD be?

Keep in mind that this girl is literally my best friend, and I hers. I am the boyfriend that gets no play. 90% of people I interact with believe she is my girlfriend, including my parents who have spent several weekends with her, and many of our mutual friends. I find it hard to take a "life aint nothin but bitches an' money" approach to this girl with this kind of relationship already in place.