Found out my roomate's GF used to be a mega-ho

[Nologo]

Talking to Maria about it first is the absolute worst thing you can do. If Joe finds out later, and she mentions that YOU knew and didn't tell him, it'll be a huge problem between you two.

You probably shouldn't say anything. As [censored] up as it may be, when guys are that in love with a woman, they tend to side with her over even their best friends. It'll probably lead to you being alienated, regardless of whether or not they stay together.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What if best friend says nothing, and his buddy marries the girl. Then the girl decides to finish her checklist and blows the other half of the football team. Buddy divorces her, and best friend commiserates, "Yeah, I knew she was a ho back in the day, but decided it was none of my business, so I didn't tell you."

That also can get sticky.

[/ QUOTE ]

So now we're going to get into a bunch of "what if" scenarios? How about "what if they stay happily married?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Evidently for some, that's a mindblowing concept.

People with lots of sex in their past having fulfilling, monogamous relationships!?! Blasphemy!

b

[SmackinYaUp]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
What if best friend says nothing, and his buddy marries the girl. Then the girl decides to finish her checklist and blows the other half of the football team. Buddy divorces her, and best friend commiserates, "Yeah, I knew she was a ho back in the day, but decided it was none of my business, so I didn't tell you."

That also can get sticky.

[/ QUOTE ]

So now we're going to get into a bunch of "what if" scenarios? How about "what if they stay happily married?"

[/ QUOTE ]

Evidently for some, that's a mindblowing concept.

People with lots of sex in their past having fulfilling, monogamous relationships!?! Blasphemy!

b

[/ QUOTE ]

I think there's a difference between being "sexually liberated" and having such a low self image and lack of morals that you become known as the BJ Queen, allow trains to be run on you multiple times, and sleep with many people because of their status.

Its completely disgusting and I don't see how anyone could say they'd marry someone who has been so used up in such degrading ways.

[jthegreat]

This is something that your friend needs to know before he marries her. You have to know that he'll find out sooner or later. She's apparently a very different person now, which is great, obviously, but he still needs to know.

[PokerintheI]

[ QUOTE ]
There is no way this would ever ruin our friendship

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm thinking that your ideas regarding the power of a wife are a little deluded. You can garuntee that if you tell Joe about this, Maria will find out where the info came from. And if she does, lets assume that she and Joe stay together, I would put money down that you will start seeing less of Joe.

You might not stop being friends, but Maria could not possibly be anything but uncomfortable around you and that means she will not want to spend time around you. And if we assume that Joe is a caring and considerate husband, this means that he will not want to put her into situations where she will be uncomfortable.

Honestly, I'm guessing at this point that this explaination is going to fall on deaf ears, but its true none the less.

Keep your mouth shut. NO possible good can EVER come from getting between a couple unless it involves cheating, addiction, or abuse. (and for the record, ommissions regarding past sex lives with no current implications does not represent a betrayal)

[vbm]

[ QUOTE ]


[/ QUOTE ]

You are my hero [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[CrayZee]

Would it be different to you if your bestfriend was a monogamous girl named Josephine? You come to find out her man, and possible future husband, was a hardcore manslut but instead has another story.

[MaxWeiss]

This post has nothing to do with the OP--it's a reply to Dom replying to me and this other guy, since my life revoles around, that's right, me. Continuing on...


[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

no you dont understand what agood friend is. i am 100% certain that I can alwasy be straight up with my friends and losing friendship would never ever cross my mind no matter waht the topic.

[/ QUOTE ]

do the Care Bears romp and play with you in your world?

[/ QUOTE ]

That realy sucks that you don't have friends you can be 100% with. I am young, and I have not been around the block nearly as much as you have, but I've been around. And I've gotten screwed over (and screwed over others), and I've lost numerous friends and had failed relationships because I am so self-righteous about my honesty policy, and that hasn't made me flinch even once about it. And you know what? The relationships that make it are extremely solid and fulfilling. It's distrubing and sad that you think an adult relationship must throw out idealism and knowledge. Compromise and empathy do not necessitate sacrificing ethics or love and understanding. (And I've had the "you'll grow out of your idealism" speech from everybody, going on over ten years now--but you're welcome to try.)

[Senator_Thack]

My thoughts:

1. It's none of your business. You don't know if the vague rumour is true, and it doesn't affect your relationship with either of them.

2. Someone's past sexual history is not that important in the grand scheme of things. As Dom wrote, there are times a good friend needs to intervene, and this is not one of them.

3. If it is so important to Joe to know her sexual history, then it is up to him to ask about it. There's a good chance he has heard similar things and either doesn't care or doesn't want to know. The only way it makes sense to talk to him would be if you were sure the rumours were true, if you were sure they were important to Joe, you were sure he had asked her about them, AND you were sure she lied about it. That's a big assumption.

4. The negative consequences outweigh the positive. Assuming all of the above were true, there is a remote chance that Joe would be grateful to you for telling him. More likely, he would either be openly pissed at you or he would find a way to, deep inside, partially blame you for the situation. The messenger always gets shot. No matter what happens, Maria will never be a close friend.

5. If they do stay together, your friendship with Joe will likely tail off. The bit below is the truth:
[ QUOTE ]
I'm thinking that your ideas regarding the power of a wife are a little deluded. You can garuntee that if you tell Joe about this, Maria will find out where the info came from. And if she does, lets assume that she and Joe stay together, I would put money down that you will start seeing less of Joe.

You might not stop being friends, but Maria could not possibly be anything but uncomfortable around you and that means she will not want to spend time around you. And if we assume that Joe is a caring and considerate husband, this means that he will not want to put her into situations where she will be uncomfortable.

Honestly, I'm guessing at this point that this explaination is going to fall on deaf ears, but its true none the less.

Keep your mouth shut. NO possible good can EVER come from getting between a couple unless it involves cheating, addiction, or abuse. (and for the record, ommissions regarding past sex lives with no current implications does not represent a betrayal)

[/ QUOTE ]
Again, this is the truth. You will see less and less of Joe until you wonder if he dropped off the face of the earth. Possibly because he doesn't like you meddling in something that's not your business, but more likely because his wife won't like you. Over time, as he has less free time due to increasing work demands, kids and his relationship, you will be the one cut out, particularly if his wife doesn't absolutely love you. It's hard enough to find time to see your married buddies without their wife putting the veto on. The only way to ensure that you still see him is to be that one of his friends that she really likes. Passing on unsubstantiated rumours about her sexual history is not a good way to get her to like you.


Cliff's Notes: Taking it upon yourself to meddle in others' relationships by passing on unsubstantiated rumours about something that is none of your business is likely to damage your relationships with all involved.