"He has to like her more"

[Aloysius]

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I think this may be a cultural thing, it seems to be pretty common in asian relationships.

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Was just about to post something along these lines - the actual manifestation of the "guy liking the girl more" I've seen mainly in Asian relationships.

I still think, on some level, the guy being more into the chick can be good for a working relationship for reasons I noted above.

One drunken night several months ago, my female friend posed the question to a group of us - "which would you prefer, being more in love with your significant other, or vice versa?" The answers and reasoning were very varied, I was surprised.

-Al

[El Diablo]

Al,

What was your answer?

I like it when the person is more in love with me because I'm a bit of a control freak and somewhat chickensh*t when it comes to relationships. I like that edge to be tiny, though, it gets super-boring if the difference is more than a little.

When it comes to marriage, though, I'm a romantic and have an idea of both of us being completely and absolutely in love with each other, both at infinity love!

[adsman]

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I like it when the person is more in love with me because I'm a bit of a control freak and somewhat chickensh*t when it comes to relationships. I like that edge to be tiny, though, it gets super-boring if the difference is more than a little.


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Yeah, it's a tough balance, isn't it? That's the main problem I've found with Italian chicks, they tend to super-worship you. And I immediately get super-bored.

[DeezNuts]

All the relationships I've been in, I've felt that the girl was more into me than vice-versa, and yes, it becomes extremely boring after a while.

My friends think that once it goes the other way, I'm a goner, but I can't imagine that happening, although I secretly hope it will.

DN

[davelin]

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I am talking more about LTRs and marriage.

I would say that in the majority of the weddings I've been to, the guy unequivocally loves the girl more(at least from what info I am privy to). I think this may be a cultural thing, it seems to be pretty common in asian relationships.

DN

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In my personal limited sample-size, I always find that it's the girl that ramps up her feelings pretty quickly during the relationship process and I have to play catch-up. But once the relationship has stabilized, I've never heard of "he has to like her more".

[Claunchy]

Here's the thing.

She has to be really into you, or there is no relationship to begin with. It'll either fizzle out quickly, or you'll think you're in a relationship while she pretty much just tries to avoid you.

You have to be really into her or you'll start hooking up with other chicks. The exception to this is if you're a troll, but even then the relationship will suck because you'll still wish you were doing better.

So ultimately, like Diablo said, it needs to be reasonably close to equal. If it's very long term though, expect moderate fluctuations from time to time.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

I like it when the person is more in love with me because I'm a bit of a control freak and somewhat chickensh*t when it comes to relationships. I like that edge to be tiny, though, it gets super-boring if the difference is more than a little.


[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, it's a tough balance, isn't it? That's the main problem I've found with Italian chicks, they tend to super-worship you. And I immediately get super-bored.

[/ QUOTE ]

In answering the hypothetical - I would personally choose to be more into the chick - part of it is because I'd get bored if she's more into me (I've noticed for myself the discrepancy doesn't have to be that great for boredom to set in). Also the idea that I'm with someone who is so amazing, I'm ok with this dynamic.

Practically speaking though, I think it makes more sense to afford yourself more control.

I've always had good balance in my relationships - though it ebbed and flowed alot, the power dyanamic. My guess is that's true for most relationships.

-Al

[milesdyson]

This is just a general comment, but I figured it was worth saying. At least in my experience, I have gotten into long term relationships somewhat out of convenience. The girls who I become serious with are really the ones who make it easy for me in the beginning. They usually do this because they have a crush or whatever.

It's way harder to get into a long term relationship with an unknown girl who you find attractive than it is to get into one with a girl who shows interest in you. I think this is why a lot of guys feel like they have always been the more-loved one. This is how I feel as well. I have always been the one to end my long term relationships - maybe I don't even start them if I think there's a chance they may end any other way.

[kickpushcoast]

actually in my experience, and i have quite a bit of it, things have alot better chance of working out if the girl likes you more. like diablo said, any healthy relationship is going to have both parties really digging on each other equally.

honestly, the second a woman realizes she can get her way with you or run over you, its curtains. especially if its a good looking woman, because now you ve just crossed over into the group that includes 99 percent of the rest of the men on the planet

[Duke]

Yeah I'm going to have to say that the people who both really really love each other to a ridiculous extent are doomed. That sort of emotional involvement leads to a ton of variance in the relationship, and they might find themselves in blowouts that they can't get through.

So, I think the "like" has to be equal, and it has to be a reasonable amount. If the partner can do no wrong, then they will do all sorts of wrong but you won't see it until it manifests itself in a huge fight.