Toss's Degenerate Vegas Christmas Trip Report (LONG)

[sternroolz]

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Wynn
Instead I play some slots. Yes that's right slots. Why would I play such a stupid boring -EV game for? Wheel of Fortune is why. This slot machine must make bank. I pour in $40 just to spin the god damn wheel.



I didn't care whether I won or lost. The wheel was drawing me in and waiting to be spun. I'm on my 50th reel and I'm on tilt. The guy sitting to my right has hit BACK to BACK wheel spins and he's just hit his third. Why do the donkeys always get lucky? After what must've been 100 credits the slot machine blares out "WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!!" I sit up straight in my seat and my family crowds around. I hit the spin button and the audience (sound bite from the slot machine) starts cheering. I stand up as the wheel slows near 1000. It stops at 40. F**king rigged ass piece of Sh*t!!! My Dad start talking in rapid Cambodian and claps his hands real hard. My brother shakes his head at me like it was my fault. Must've pressed the button too hard or too softly. I decided it was time to blow this dump and head back to Excalibur.


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WOF slots are more damm addictive than crack. And that effin "Wheel......OF......FORTUNE!!!!!!!" sounding like the sirens or something.

F-you WOF I hate you!

[private joker]

I have taught you well, my son. Nice work so far...

[grando]

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im excited for casino war, hopefully taking place at Venetian (my personal fav place to play casino war)

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[toss]

We're planning on heading back to LA in the morning so me and my bro head to the card room to play all night. I lend his broke ass $200 for the NL200 game and tell him to play tight. "Don't do anything stupid." A new NL game starts up so we both head there. Second hand in my brother raises UTG and gets a caller in the BB. The flop is T76r. UTG checkcalls a pot sized bet. The is another T. BB checks and my brother fires another bet. I look at BB and saw the worst acting job EVER. He sighs and has a comically pained look on his face. He looks up and pauses like he's actually thinking about something- I put him squarely on trips or a fullhouse. He mincheckraises LOL. My brother tanks and I put him either on AA,KK, or actually has trips himself and is doing a bad acting job of his own. He finally pushes all in and BB calls saying, "If you have a better kicker so be it" and flips over T9s. I look at my brother and he flips over A7o. He looks at me and sees my open mouth, pained face, and wide eyes. I mouth "WHAT THE F*CK" and he sort of sheepishly shrugs. I take 2 seconds to look back at BB who has a "Hahaha donkey boy" look on his face then look back to find my brother gone into thin air. Even the fish at the other table were talking crap about my brother's play. I lose a little then head to look for my bro who I've decided is doing something degen to win my money back.

I find him at the blackjack table with a stack of red. He sees me and hands me four green chips and a hundred dollar bill. I don't say anything and take a seat besides him. As I place my bet and he says "I thought I could push him off QQ." I turn, he sees the look on my face, and we never discuss the hand again. Blackjack stories are mostly boring. The dealer relieved my bro of his cash and took me for $200 even though I was betting $10-$40. I've decided I've enough of blackjack and drag my brother over to the arcade. Here we place the best carnival game ever. (Couldn't find a better picture)



Picture 15 kids sitting side by side frantically rolling balls into holes to get their horse across the finish line first. Me and my bro sit down ready to pwn them all. I slam my one dollar onto the glass and we're off. I get lucky and hit two reds (3 notches) in a row sending me way into first place. I ended hitting two more yellows (1 notch) for the rest of the race. I think my ball was rigged. My brother on the other hand was only two notches away from the finish line when some 8 year old girl hits a blue and a red (5 notches total) in like 4 seconds to win the race. I swear there's no skill involved at all!

We go back to the adult games and find one Casino War table amongst the 3-Card Poker, Pai-Gows, and Blackjacks. (Sorry it had to be at the Excalibur) An asian couple busts at the edge of the table leaving two open seats for me and my bro. What perfect timing. Casino War is a great game for when you don't want to think. Also unlike Blackjack when the dealer gets dealt a card there's no more surprises to be had like in BJ. Who here has doubled down with the dealer showing a 5? Who here has seen the dealer flip over a face card to go with that 5? Who here has seen a dealer pull a 6 out of his ass? You either said yes to all questions or you don't play Blackjack. Anyway I buyin for $200 and get down to $100 flatbetting $20. My brother says, "You know if you bet $100 you'll be back to even." That sounded like good idea. I slam $100 and the rest of the table who are betting the minimum start gawking at me. I get dealt a J. The dealer gets dealt a J. Time to go to WAR! I pull out another benjamin and trade in for four green chips. The dealer places 4 more green chips into the betting circle and burns three cards. I get dealt a T for JT high. The dealer burns three more cards and pauses. The whole table is staring, waiting for the card to be turned over. My brother starts murmuring "Low ball, low ball, lowball..." The dealer flips the Q for JQ high and we instaleave. Surprise!!!

I'm down over $1000 for the trip. $1050 to be exact. My brother says, "You know if you slam $200 on one hand of Blackjack it would be like you never lost a Casino war." That sounded like a good idea. We find an empty black jack table and I pull out two big faces from my ever dwindling roll and place them on the betting circle. The dealer shouts "Cash bet!" or something like that and deals the cards. I get dealt A8. The dealer gets dealt an Ace. She sticks the card under the reader and the light turns red. Down twelve f*cking fifty dollars. My brother says, "You know if you bet $50 on roullete you'll actually be up for the trip." And you know what happened and you don't need to hear it from me. We head up to the room for 3 hours of sleep before the drive to LA.

There's one final part to the trip and it's probably the best part of all. It'll be up either in an hour or tomorrow.

[toss]

I'm exhausted. We left Vegas after three hours of sleep and we roll into Nevada landing around 7AM Christmas morning. The room is dead. We see a $2 minbet BJ table with a a sole Asian lady sitting. Me, my bro, and my dad sit for some quality family Christmas time. I look back to the minbet sign and it's been changed to $5 minimum. The floorlady must've changed it ninjaquick. As I buyin for $100 a calm feeling of surrender washes over me. I know I'm going to lose it all and I don't care. My family is losing until the Asian lady leaves and replaced with a middle aged degen looking Chinese guy. He sits and says "I just need win gas money so I can get back to Fresno!" in a fobbish voice. Me and my brother start cracking up. The Chinese guy busts and pulls out another $20 and says, "I need to get back to China. I come here forty years ago." All of a sudden the dealer starts busting and the whole table is winning. The Chinese guy goes "Asian blood you see, it's all gambol. One time my uncle bet on when a cow gonna take a sh*t." Me and my brother start rolling on the floor laughing. I build my stack to $105 and decide that's going to be as good as it gets andmaybaler the $5.

I roll see an empty craps table with bored looking floorwomen so I decide to throw some dice. I actually make my points while backing my bet for max odds (either 2 times, 2.5 times, I don't know how this silly game works). I crap out after making 4 points and tip the craps people my monster $18 profit. Merry Christmas. I head back to the BJ table to see my dad doubling down on a hard twelve versus a face card showing. He ends up busting and my bro cashes out for a $50 profit. We leave and that's the end of my first gambling trip to Vegas.

Total damage: <font color="red">-$1300</font>
Drinks consumed: Too many to remember.
Favorite drink: Tokyo Tea
Food eaten: Awful Ghettosphere pizza and a solid Quizno sub (traditional)
Next Vegas Trip: Who knows. Maybe WSOP.

Thanks for reading.

[toss]

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I have taught you well, my son. Nice work so far...

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Thank you very much. I learn from the master.

[pig4bill]

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Also unlike Blackjack when the dealer gets dealt a card there's no more surprises to be had like in BJ. Who here has doubled down with the dealer showing a 5?

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Nobody that has seen a basic strategy card that the gift shop sells for $2. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[pokerraja]

wonderful read toss! [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

u kinda threw me off in the last segment when you diffrentiated between asians and chinese persons. but still a great read for 333 in the am. you have an excellent writing ability.

[pig4bill]

Good food choices. Those Quiznos subs are really hard to find. Smart idea to get one while you were in Vegas.

[rbenuck4]

Awesome read. I was grinning ear to ear the whole report. I hope my next Vegas trip goes similarly to yours, but maybe without the -1300 part. Looking forward to more trip reports from you.

Rbenuck