Found out my roomate's GF used to be a mega-ho - Page 19

talentdeficit · #**181** 09-08-2006, 01:23 AM

it's the depth of the relationships that makes it a really bad idea to say anything now.

joe is emotionally invested in this girl. extremely emotionally invested. there is zero upside to telling him anything. he knows and at best he's uncomfortable talking about it with you or he knows and he'll be pissed you're talking about it with others or he doesn't know and he won't believe it and he'll hate you for talking about it period or he doesn't know and he will believe it and you'll take the blame for [censored] up his relationship. his healthy, happy relationship.

no matter what, if you bring it up, you're screwing your friend. if he cared about her past, he would have already looked into it.

plus, he doesn't want to know. he really doesn't. i promise you.

Dominic · #**182** 09-08-2006, 01:29 AM

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if you tell Joe, one of two things will happen here:

1) He will break up with Maria and end your friendship.
2) He will not break up with Maria and end your friendship.

You guys just don't get it. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Now, if you had found out Maria was cheating on Joe NOW, or something similar, THEN you have an obligation to your friend.

Spreading nasty rumors about the girl he loves is not a help to anyone, and makes you look like you can't keep your mouth shut when you should know better.

So, in case you missed my point:

IT'S NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS!

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dom, who's your best friend? do you have a buddy who you've known since elementary or high school, and you never drifted apart, who's essentially a brother? i have two buddies like that, i've known them going on 20 yrs now. the OP say he's known joe since grade school. me telling my buddies, or OP telling joe, won't result in an ending of the friendship, because you can't just stop being brothers cuz you feel like it.

and we're not spreading "nasty rumors," we're giving one person--our best friend, our brother--information about the woman he's considering marrying, info which he doesn't have but deserves to know; it's then up to him to do with that info as he wishes.

so dom, would you not even tell your BROTHER about his fiancee's past? is it still none of your business?

during college one of my aforementioned best friends dated a girl who i did not particularly care for. she was extremely manipulative, jealous, and possessive. they went out for 3 yrs. in that time i NEVER once said a bad word about her to my friend. he had the same information at his disposal, and if he chooses to continue going out with a girl with those "qualities" then that is up to him. he's a grown man and can make his own decisions and live his own life--i minded my own business. but if i learned that she kept things in her past hidden from my friend and was furthermore a hypocrite about it (the situation described by OP), then as his friend i have the obligation to inform him.

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to answer your question - no, I would not tell Joe about Maria if he was my best friend, brother, saimese twin, whatever. If Maria treats Joe right, that's all that counts. Period.

No, it is still none of my business.

There are times when a best friend needs to intervene. This is not one of them.

Dominic · #**183** 09-08-2006, 01:32 AM

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No one "owes" you their complete life history upon meeting you or starting a relationship with you.

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this is not a woman joe just met or just started a relationship with. it's a woman whom he's likely to marry. you keep ignoring this fact.

you either don't seem to grasp the depth of the relationships involved here (maria and joe, as well as OP and joe) or you are playing it down to strengthen your arguments. OP and joe are not just casual friends; they are best friends who've known each other since grade school. maria and joe are not on their 3rd date; they are considering marriage. recognize these facts about the situation.

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jesus, dude, it doesn't matter! Is Joe happy in the relationship? Does Maria treat him right? That's all that matters. Period. The OP has no right butting into their relationship over unsubstantiated rumors, true or not.

it is not his business.

mikech · #**184** 09-08-2006, 01:43 AM

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Does Maria treat him right?

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imo she's doing him wrong. if they're on the verge of marriage yet she's lied to him about her past (lies of omission) then she is not "treating him right."

the only thing that gives me pause would be, as td has just noted above:

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he doesn't want to know. he really doesn't. i promise you.

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*sigh* this is probably true. that's the only thing that would prevent me from telling him.

Bukem_ · #**185** 09-08-2006, 01:48 AM

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jesus, dude, it doesn't matter! Is Joe happy in the relationship? Does Maria treat him right? That's all that matters. Period.

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Agree. Plus Joe already knows if he really cared to put the pieces together. Sounds like he is happy enough not to dig up potential dirt that could ruin the relationshiop.

FlyWf · #**186** 09-08-2006, 02:35 AM

You don't know what "lie of ommission" means. You have no idea if she's lied to Joe, because she has no obligation to bring that [censored] up.

If OP cares so much, I'd recommend bringing the lying up with him rather than going straight to "I heard yo' girl was a [censored]!". Casually say that you're dating a ho or virgin or whatever and ask if Maria has ever been in a serious relationship or something along those lines. Basically, pretend like you're asking for advice.

But that's if you care so much. You shouldn't, because it's none of your [censored] business.

GiftGiver · #**187** 09-08-2006, 02:37 AM

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if you tell Joe, one of two things will happen here:

1) He will break up with Maria and end your friendship.
2) He will not break up with Maria and end your friendship.

You guys just don't get it. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Now, if you had found out Maria was cheating on Joe NOW, or something similar, THEN you have an obligation to your friend.

Spreading nasty rumors about the girl he loves is not a help to anyone, and makes you look like you can't keep your mouth shut when you should know better.

So, in case you missed my point:

IT'S NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS!

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Far be it from me to contradict the all knowing Dominic on this point but I have known Joe since third f'n grade. I am 29. Our friendship will not be broken up over me saying something to him about his girlfriend's past. I have a legitimate friendship with him. Not some West Coast "I only hang out with you when it suits me" kind of friendship.

Go make some more porn and have some more superficial relationships with people.

Otherwise I agree with you completely. There really is no reason to spread rumors which I do not know to be true. It really is none of my business

GiftGiver · #**188** 09-08-2006, 02:53 AM

I wish I had never heard anything about Maria's past. It can only cause harm. For me the point of this thread was to get advice on closing Pandora's Box. How do I forget I know what I know?

morgan180 · #**189** 09-08-2006, 03:18 AM

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There are times when a best friend needs to intervene. This is not one of them.

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qft

morgan180 · #**190** 09-08-2006, 03:20 AM

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I wish I had never heard anything about Maria's past. It can only cause harm. For me the point of this thread was to get advice on closing Pandora's Box. How do I forget I know what I know?

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when you look at them both look at them as two happy people together. realize that joe is incredibly happy. remember all of the douchey, f-ed up stuff that you know about joe that would probably send this girl running away in an instant. their both only people, they both have issues, they happen to make each other happy - that should be enough to make you rest easy.