Found out my roomate's GF used to be a mega-ho - Page 18

mikech · #**171** 09-07-2006, 10:11 PM

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You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

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i wanted to come back to this thread one more time because the issue is being confused here.

look, we're not here to pass judgment on maria's sexual history. however, neither are we here to pass judgment on JOE's possible reaction. like you said dom, who cares if she blew half the football team? for all we know, joe might not give two shts either. or, maybe he'll find it a huge turn-on. or, maybe he'll think she's a dirty skank and dump her ass. THAT'S ALL UP TO HIM.

the question here is, what is our responsibility as joe's best friend, when we have acquired information that he presumably does not have? remember, we're not maria's friend, we are JOE'S BEST FRIEND. does joe have a right to the same info we have? again, he might hate maria after he learns this info, or he might simply shrug it off--that's not for us to decide. but don't we have AN OBLIGATION to share this knowledge with him, as his friend? what kind of a "friend" are you, really, if you don't?

MaxWeiss · #**172** 09-07-2006, 10:59 PM

You are exactly right mikech. And I personally think it IS OP's business, and Joe's business. For God's sake Joe wants to marry this chick. She may have, and by the looks of it probably has, changed BUT she has also covered up this stuff from Joe. Likely out of embarrasement or not wanting to hurt Joe, but either way, if they are so close as to get married then he ought to at least know about it.

I know many of you have different opinions, and Dominic esepcially seems to think that wanting to know is childish, but I disagree. I let everybody I meet know that openess and honesty are the two most important traits in a person for me, right away. Anybody who does not eiother share that view or respect me enough to pratice it when around me is not part of my life. I have nothing to hide from anybody, even with the stuff where I have really screwed up and/or acted very poorly. I am a firm believer in "radical honesty" because life is just easier and MUCH better with all the facts on the table, good and bad, past and present.

Oblivious · #**173** 09-07-2006, 11:51 PM

Dominic · #**174** 09-07-2006, 11:53 PM

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You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

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i wanted to come back to this thread one more time because the issue is being confused here.

look, we're not here to pass judgment on maria's sexual history. however, neither are we here to pass judgment on JOE's possible reaction. like you said dom, who cares if she blew half the football team? for all we know, joe might not give two shts either. or, maybe he'll find it a huge turn-on. or, maybe he'll think she's a dirty skank and dump her ass. THAT'S ALL UP TO HIM.

the question here is, what is our responsibility as joe's best friend, when we have acquired information that he presumably does not have? remember, we're not maria's friend, we are JOE'S BEST FRIEND. does joe have a right to the same info we have? again, he might hate maria after he learns this info, or he might simply shrug it off--that's not for us to decide. but don't we have AN OBLIGATION to share this knowledge with him, as his friend? what kind of a "friend" are you, really, if you don't?

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if you tell Joe, one of two things will happen here:

1) He will break up with Maria and end your friendship.
2) He will not break up with Maria and end your friendship.

You guys just don't get it. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Now, if you had found out Maria was cheating on Joe NOW, or something similar, THEN you have an obligation to your friend.

Spreading nasty rumors about the girl he loves is not a help to anyone, and makes you look like you can't keep your mouth shut when you should know better.

So, in case you missed my point:

IT'S NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS!

talentdeficit · #**175** 09-08-2006, 12:05 AM

it doesn't matter if joe wants to know or not, or if the rumours are true or not. tell joe and he will hate you, 100% guaranteed.

jedinemesis · #**176** 09-08-2006, 12:09 AM

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ask her for a bj

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and tell her if she doesn't, you're telling Joe about her past.

You'll find out the truth.

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As terrible as this sounds, I think it works.

Dominic · #**177** 09-08-2006, 12:26 AM

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You are exactly right mikech. And I personally think it IS OP's business, and Joe's business. For God's sake Joe wants to marry this chick. She may have, and by the looks of it probably has, changed BUT she has also covered up this stuff from Joe. Likely out of embarrasement or not wanting to hurt Joe, but either way, if they are so close as to get married then he ought to at least know about it.

I know many of you have different opinions, and Dominic esepcially seems to think that wanting to know is childish, but I disagree. I let everybody I meet know that openess and honesty are the two most important traits in a person for me, right away. Anybody who does not eiother share that view or respect me enough to pratice it when around me is not part of my life. I have nothing to hide from anybody, even with the stuff where I have really screwed up and/or acted very poorly. I am a firm believer in "radical honesty" because life is just easier and MUCH better with all the facts on the table, good and bad, past and present.

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this is all very noble but has no bearing in the real world once you get out of college. I certainly see how a girl's sexual past is relevant when you're 19 years old and that history is very recent.

When you're 30 or 40 or older, you'll come to realize that it just doesn't matter. No one "owes" you their complete life history upon meeting you or starting a relationship with you.

Your views are naive, unrealistic and come from a lack of experience. Believe it or not, your sense or right and wrong is neither as absolute as you think it to be, nor is it all that unique.

Dominic · #**178** 09-08-2006, 12:27 AM

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it doesn't matter if joe wants to know or not, or if the rumours are true or not. tell joe and he will hate you, 100% guaranteed.

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exactly

mikech · #**179** 09-08-2006, 12:53 AM

[ QUOTE ]
if you tell Joe, one of two things will happen here:

1) He will break up with Maria and end your friendship.
2) He will not break up with Maria and end your friendship.

You guys just don't get it. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Now, if you had found out Maria was cheating on Joe NOW, or something similar, THEN you have an obligation to your friend.

Spreading nasty rumors about the girl he loves is not a help to anyone, and makes you look like you can't keep your mouth shut when you should know better.

So, in case you missed my point:

IT'S NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS!

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dom, who's your best friend? do you have a buddy who you've known since elementary or high school, and you never drifted apart, who's essentially a brother? i have two buddies like that, i've known them going on 20 yrs now. the OP say he's known joe since grade school. me telling my buddies, or OP telling joe, won't result in an ending of the friendship, because you can't just stop being brothers cuz you feel like it.

and we're not spreading "nasty rumors," we're giving one person--our best friend, our brother--information about the woman he's considering marrying, info which he doesn't have but deserves to know; it's then up to him to do with that info as he wishes.

so dom, would you not even tell your BROTHER about his fiancee's past? is it still none of your business?

during college one of my aforementioned best friends dated a girl who i did not particularly care for. she was extremely manipulative, jealous, and possessive. they went out for 3 yrs. in that time i NEVER once said a bad word about her to my friend. he had the same information at his disposal, and if he chooses to continue going out with a girl with those "qualities" then that is up to him. he's a grown man and can make his own decisions and live his own life--i minded my own business. but if i learned that she kept things in her past hidden from my friend and was furthermore a hypocrite about it (the situation described by OP), then as his friend i have the obligation to inform him.

mikech · #**180** 09-08-2006, 12:59 AM

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No one "owes" you their complete life history upon meeting you or starting a relationship with you.

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this is not a woman joe just met or just started a relationship with. it's a woman whom he's likely to marry. you keep ignoring this fact.

you either don't seem to grasp the depth of the relationships involved here (maria and joe, as well as OP and joe) or you are playing it down to strengthen your arguments. OP and joe are not just casual friends; they are best friends who've known each other since grade school. maria and joe are not on their 3rd date; they are considering marriage. recognize these facts about the situation.