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#151
08-30-2007, 04:30 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
Sounds like slim has false hopes that his wife can't be happy with anyone else. That he is the only possible avenue to her happiness and she just burned her last bridge and is confined to a life to sadness (although it may take up to 5 years, LOL). [/ QUOTE ] You give me no credit. I have no delusions that my wife may want to come back to me because of ME. All I know is that her new relationship will end. She may not come back to me, she may stay single or she may find someone else....all I know is that it won't last with this guy. If she does want to come back to me, it is NOT bc I am this great husband or that I am her soul mate, it would be bc when the buzz of new love wears off, she will see how she destroyed every relationship she has currently. If only there was a way to wager large sums of money on this and being able to prove everything in a few years...... 
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#152
08-30-2007, 04:31 PM
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Re: Infidelity
Slim,
I feel a lot of empathy for you, you are going though what will most likely be the worst experience of your life. However from trying to read as much of your posts here as I could it appears you are going off the deep end a little bit. Understandable. But it's time to put down the Fn keyboard and go do something you enjoy. Preferably with sun light involved. trying to educate a message board about the dangers of infidelity? You sound like a cranked out Nancy Regan!
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#153
08-30-2007, 04:38 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
You give me no credit. I have no delusions that my wife may want to come back to me because of ME. All I know is that her new relationship will end. She may not come back to me, she may stay single or she may find someone else....all I know is that it won't last with this guy. If she does want to come back to me, it is NOT bc I am this great husband or that I am her soul mate, it would be bc when the buzz of new love wears off, she will see how she destroyed every relationship she has currently. If only there was a way to wager large sums of money on this and being able to prove everything in a few years...... [/ QUOTE ] How on earth do you presume to know this? It has lasted at some capacity for two years. It sounds like a belief you're using to comfort yourself.
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#154
08-30-2007, 04:38 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
I have no delusions that my wife may want to come back to me because of ME. All I know is that her new relationship will end. She may not come back to me, she may stay single or she may find someone else....all I know is that it won't last with this guy. If she does want to come back to me [/ QUOTE ] Ugh, sorry man this must suck but your posts keep reeking of unrealistic expectations, lying to yourself, and most importantly relinquishing control of your life to someone else. Someone who, by the way, cheated on you while you were apparently being the model husband. You are up to your ass in the denial stage right now.
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#155
08-30-2007, 04:41 PM
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Re: Infidelity
Slim - didn't know you were Asian. This is great news for you my friend! If I were you I would seriously go on the Internet and start looking for new young wife you can import from the motherland. Even better if you still speak the native language. But at least you will have a good chance of finding a woman who genuinely shares your family values.
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#156
08-30-2007, 04:58 PM
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Re: Infidelity
Slim,
Don't think of it as something broken, but something dead. There is nothing left to "fix" or work on. Bury it. The addiction literature is something to wrap your mind around but it's inadequate to answer or prevent infidelity. Focus on kids, and work. Document timetables and details of the affair for your attorney and beat her to the punch with divorce proceedings and grab back the reigns to your life.
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#157
08-30-2007, 05:12 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] You give me no credit. I have no delusions that my wife may want to come back to me because of ME. All I know is that her new relationship will end. She may not come back to me, she may stay single or she may find someone else....all I know is that it won't last with this guy. If she does want to come back to me, it is NOT bc I am this great husband or that I am her soul mate, it would be bc when the buzz of new love wears off, she will see how she destroyed every relationship she has currently. If only there was a way to wager large sums of money on this and being able to prove everything in a few years...... [/ QUOTE ] How on earth do you presume to know this? It has lasted at some capacity for two years. It sounds like a belief you're using to comfort yourself. [/ QUOTE ] Let me rephrase: I know it will end or at the very least, she may stick it out bc she is too ashamed and embarrassed to admit she screwed up her life. Here is how I know one of the 2 will occur -according to stats over 80% of affair relationships end so right off the bat she has a 20% chance of not splitting up. Of those 20% who don't split up, over 90% are regret leaving their marriage. So that puts her at 2% chance of not regretting her decision to leave. Now I compare her life before and after our divorce: Before: - full time with her twins who she is absolutely obsessed with. - A husband who she says IS her best friend - A husband who she says she still loves and cares about - Good relationship with her extended family (over 40 of them in the Toronto area) -Good relationship with my side of the family -No debt...3000sqft bungalow home on an 1.25 acre lot After: - 60% custody of her kids - disowned by her own father. Her father vowed that he will never speak to her again and can't bear to see the grandchildren anymore. Before this, he lived for his only 2 grandchildren. - looked down on by the rest of her family (those who know so far) - shunned by my sister who was her close friend - she will no longer be invited to any family parties. When it is my kids' birthday, she will have to have a party alone with them and her new man. - Has to live with 3 new teenage kids who will not respect her. They will eventually know she is the reason their parents split up. -there is no way in hell my kids will not be negatively impacted by having to move in with these other kids and a new man. - Will have to have debt again to buy new house. -Wife says that the only issue she has with new man is "trust". He apparently celebrated his anniversary with his wife during their affair without telling her and she got pissed -When the buzz of new love wears off, she will realise that she is with a cheater - and finally, she has to live with guilt forever. I don't think I am being delusional or irrational about their relationship ending at some point in the near future.Like I said, it has nothing to do with how great a guy I am, it has everything to do with how poor her life will be. -
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#158
08-30-2007, 05:16 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
Slim, Don't think of it as something broken, but something dead. There is nothing left to "fix" or work on. Bury it. The addiction literature is something to wrap your mind around but it's inadequate to answer or prevent infidelity. Focus on kids, and work. Document timetables and details of the affair for your attorney and beat her to the punch with divorce proceedings and grab back the reigns to your life. [/ QUOTE ] believe it or not, we are amicable. We have already submitted the custody arrangemnent and finacial equalization to the lawyer. It took us all of 4 hours or so do split all our possessions and everything else. I am not trying to squeeze every nickel out of her, nor is she. As a matter of fact, she has agreed to pay for my legal fees in this divorce bc she feels bad for what she has done.
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#159
08-30-2007, 05:17 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] bison : this thread :: red bean : bonds thread in sports. Slim's posts in OOT make me think his wife has made a wise, if not terribly nice, choice. [/ QUOTE ] The emo pricks trying to defend his arguments are making it worse. [/ QUOTE ] I assume this doesn't include me. The point of my post was that maybe "loveless" marriages that still take care of the children well are way preferable to divorcing and remarrying for the sake of romance. It's the widely held romantic view that marriage is first about emotional gratification--and also that love itself is only a romantic passion. I don't blame anyone for holding these views, because they're so common and so reinforced by popular culture. But I think OP's situation should raise this question for people: is no-fault divorce really such a great idea?
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#160
08-30-2007, 05:19 PM
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Re: Infidelity
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] bison : this thread :: red bean : bonds thread in sports. Slim's posts in OOT make me think his wife has made a wise, if not terribly nice, choice. [/ QUOTE ] The emo pricks trying to defend his arguments are making it worse. [/ QUOTE ] I assume this doesn't include me. The point of my post was that maybe "loveless" marriages that still take care of the children well are way preferable to divorcing and remarrying for the sake of romance. It's the widely held romantic view that marriage is first about emotional gratification--and also that love itself is only a romantic passion. I don't blame anyone for holding these views, because they're so common and so reinforced by popular culture. But I think OP's situation should raise this question for people: is no-fault divorce really such a great idea? [/ QUOTE ] omg somebody who actually knows what he is talking about.
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