Dumb jokes you still find hilarious

[henrikrh]

An american, a european and a chinese man are stranded on an island. The european man takes charge amd says "We have to prepare ourselves for the long haul, I'll go find water, American dude you go find food and Chinese dude you go find supplies. We'll meet back here in an hour" They all agree and head off...

An hour later the american and the european are standing on the beach, confused as to why the chinese man has yet to return. So they venture into the jungle to find him, eventually they pass a bush and from behind the bush teh chinese guy jumps out and yells "SUPPLIES!!"

[Benman]

Two penguins meet on an iceberg.

First penguin says, "Hey, you look like you're wearing a tuxedo!"

Second penguin: "How do you know I'm not?"

[snoopdawg]

Q: Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
A: She was a woman.

A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only a crapload of bubble wrap. The guy asks the doctor:
"Doc, am I crazy?"
To which the doctor replies:
"Well I can't tell you that, but I can clearly see your(e) nuts."

[TorpedoBreath]

Me: Knock-knock.
You: Who's there?
Me: I'm a pile up.
You: I'm a pile up, who?
Me: [laughs and points]

[cookieb]

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MEXICAN WOMAN WITH NO LEGS?

Consuelo

WHAT IS GREEN AND HAS WHEELS?

Grass, I lied about the wheels

[callmedonnie]

Why does Snoop Dogg wear a poncho?

Because of the drizzle.

[hawk59]

A Jewish kid asked his father if he could borrow 5 bucks.

The father said "4 bucks??? What do you need 3 bucks for??????"

[IlliniLou]

what do all battered woman have in common?



they dont listen

[Jehaim]

A young Penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer's day when his oil light comes on. He gets out of the car and sees it is leaking oil all over the road.

The Penguin drives to a service station and asks a mechanic to take a look. The mechanic says he has a few other jobs to do 1st, but if the penguin comes back in an hour, he'll know what's wrong. The penguin agrees and goes for a walk.

He Finds an icecream shop and decides a big bowl of vanilla ice cream would really hit the spot...Of course he has no hands, so it's rather messy. By the time he's done he's got icecream all over his flippers and his mouth is a total mess.

He walks back to the service station and asks the mechanic,
"Did you find what's wrong?"

The mechanic replies "it looks like you've blown a seal"

"no , no," says the penguin. "it's just ice cream"

[kemystery]

Farmer says to his doctor; 'Hey Doc, I need some birth control for my daughter.'

Doctor asks 'Why, is she sexually active?'

Farmer; 'No, she just kinda lays there.'

(bonus: make the farmer hail from some funny state, like Alaska)


Three buddies are out walking the golf course one day, and after hitting the 12th tee 'Bob' complains that he has to take a dump but it is too far from the clubhouse.

'Frank' urges 'Bob' to just venture down into the woods off to the side of the teebox and do his business there. 'Bob, hikes into the forest aways, while 'Frank' and the third guy 'Neal' wait on the 12th tee.

After 15-20 minutes several groups have 'played through' with 'Bob' not returning from the forest 'Frank' sends 'Neal' to go find 'Bob'.

Several minutes pass by and 2 more groups play through, 'Frank' decides to go find the two other guys himself. Well soon enough, 'Frank' stumbles into a clearing in the woods and finds 'Neal' has got 'Bob' bent over a tree stump [censored] him doggy style!

"What the hell is going on!!!" yells 'Frank' "What the [censored] are you guys doing?"

'Neal' starts explaining "Well, I came down here and Bob was on the ground - unconscious...."

"You moron..." interrupts 'Frank' "That's what mouth - to - mouth rescesitation is for!"

'Neal: "Well... that's how it started"