Unrequited love - what to do?

[ilya]

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so you dropped out of one of the easiest and most useless majors on the planet

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gotta hijack for a sec to point out that you're a clueless goon.

[MaxWeiss]

Learn to get women. Surely you know about the so-called seduction movement with all the books and crap out. Once you get better with women, you'll find that you don't want her as much, or at the very least you are okay without her. Get yourself right, then worry about the girl, basically. If, after you get good with women, and do the standard advice of screwing a bunch, then at least you will be socially equipped to seduce this girl and you've now given yourself a chance. As you are handling it now though, you have no chance. By letting go, you will either realize you are good without her, or you will learn how to get her. It's a win win.

[nature\\\'s_hated]

Oh yeah, I already have a solitary hobby, something I do by myself. It tends to involve thinking about her, though!


"Been shooting in the dark too long, something's not right it's wrong"!


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In the short term, how do I stop thinking about her?


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Its simple. Stop doing it. When you start thinking about, think about something else. Pick up a solitary hobby. Something you do by yourself. Think about that. If you start thinking about her, force your mind to think about said hobby. Or read a lot. Engage your mind in a book and leave it less time to think about the girl.

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[WilyTilt]

I think going back to grad school is a A++ idea. Lots of furry liberal lit grad students like you there, with whom you can drink schnapps and protest the war in Iraq, and then have sensitive sex with. I think you'd mesh more with that general type of chick than your M.D., quickly joining the establishment obsession you have here. You'd have more to talk about, and maybe that grad student wouldn't mind a romantic, weepy, butt-plug enjoying guy like you.

[nature\\\'s_hated]

Thanks - more wise advice. In the time I've known her there've been two other girls I've known who I've been able to imagine being in a relationship with, who were equally attractive as her in their own ways - an Italian/Spanish girl who worked in fashion, and a South African girl who's an artist / runs an art dealership. Slept with one. Had some dates but failed to make a move on and so lost the other. I have to get physical confidence - I don't get girls basically because I never make a move on them, so nothing happens. But both these girls were great in showing me the huge variety of women out there, and you can date and be happy with all kinds of them, not just one type or specific girl.

One day I might even believe that! I do know it's true, just haven't internalised it yet.

Telling myself I can only be happy if I'm in a relationship with this girl who doesn't want me is a way of ensuring my continued unhappiness. I have to get out of this. I have to let myself be happy.



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Learn to get women. Surely you know about the so-called seduction movement with all the books and crap out. Once you get better with women, you'll find that you don't want her as much, or at the very least you are okay without her. Get yourself right, then worry about the girl, basically. If, after you get good with women, and do the standard advice of screwing a bunch, then at least you will be socially equipped to seduce this girl and you've now given yourself a chance. As you are handling it now though, you have no chance. By letting go, you will either realize you are good without her, or you will learn how to get her. It's a win win.

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[nature\\\'s_hated]

I agree. I just applied for a week-on, week-off job at the law firm where I'm now working as a legal PA/document production guy, and with overtime it would pay enough to leave me the other half the month free to study. I doubt I could go back to the college where I did my first two years, since I intermitted for a year then said I would come back then changed my mind (since I didn't sort out the money angle). But there are plenty other places in this city I could go. I love the feeling of hanging around with fellow grad students, the seminars, the social life etc. Heck, I also love reading, writing, researching, and I have a great topic. So it makes sense.


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I think going back to grad school is a A++ idea. Lots of furry liberal lit grad students like you there, with whom you can drink schnapps and protest the war in Iraq, and then have sensitive sex with. I think you'd mesh more with that general type of chick than your M.D., quickly joining the establishment obsession you have here. You'd have more to talk about, and maybe that grad student wouldn't mind a romantic, weepy, butt-plug enjoying guy like you.

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[ilya]

Go to Chicago and join the Outfit. Betray your boss and kill the capo who helped you pull off the coup. Use your stranglehold on the Chicago underworld to amass a vast fortune and learn salsa dancing. Find out where your beloved and her husband live and purchase a much more luxurious house nearby, ideally with a view to hers across the bay. Stare wistfully across that bay whenever you're not busy hosting fabulous parties with a swing band and rivers of champagne.

Alternately, get over it. I've been in your exact situation and one of the hardest things about it I think is convincing yourself that the misery of having her on your mind isn't worth the immense pleasure of seeing her even casually. Stop trying to see her try your best to forget her. And try to resist any efforts she may make to see you. Even though you say she's always behaved decently towrads you and never manipulated or led you on, she may still be using you on a semi-conscious level. Or maybe your feelings for her prevent her from seeing that she is in fact consciously using you.
Spend more time with people who've never met her and don't know about your obsession, throw yourself into work or self-improvement, whatever. I know how hard this is to do in practice because I haven't fully managed it myself. There's something about this kind of attraction that makes it persist even once you realize that there's no chance of you ever having a relationship with the girl. Maybe that's because just being around her is so great that it remains a powerful draw even when there's nothing else to look forward to.

I'm probably a terrible person to give advice on this....you need someone who has a cold and unsentimental attitude, but is still sympathetic. Befriend someone like that and take him into your confidence!

Best of luck in any case. I hope it all works out well for you and for her.

[Golden_Rhino]

[ilya]

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lol, gold

[Dominic]

GET OVER IT.