Found out my roomate's GF used to be a mega-ho

[FortunaMaximus]

Well put, Dom. But you have to concede this determines a person's maturity and his capability to grow.

The entertainment value of this thread, for me, is perplexity at the lack of maturity, sometimes. It's nice to have the metric.

[mikech]

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#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

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hang on, look at it from another perspective: let's say you are joe. your best friend has found out some things about your gf's past, which she has kept hidden from you. you have a certain perception of who she is, what she has done, what she's about, yet it turns out she has misrepresented herself to you--and this is the woman you are likely to marry. would you want your best friend to tell you what he knows? i sure would.

[Dominic]

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#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

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hang on, look at it from another perspective: let's say you are joe. your best friend has found out some things about your gf's past, which she has kept hidden from you. you have a certain perception of who she is, what she has done, what she's about, yet it turns out she has misrepresented herself to you--and this is the woman you are likely to marry. would you want your best friend to tell you what he knows? i sure would.

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Then you are obviously a kid without any real experience in relationships. Maria has not misrepresented herself, she has grown, she has changed. She does not owe her boyfriend - or anyone - a blow by blow description of her past sexual history.

You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

Grow the [censored] up.

[Hopey]

Great post, Dom. I couldn't agree more and it's what I've been saying all along.

It looks like the OP agrees with us, thankfully.

[mikech]

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She does not owe her boyfriend - or anyone - a blow by blow description of her past sexual history.

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she doesn't owe her fiance/husband an honest account of her past? ok, if she's a convicted felon is that info off-limits also? furthermore, if she has changed/grown then why should she feel the need to conceal this aspect of her "growth"? i would expect her to give me all the available information, i can then accept it or not. personally i'd have no problem at all with maria's sexual history; joe may or may not, but he deserves to know, in order to make an informed decision as to whether he wants to MARRY her. i suppose you just have different expectations regarding how well you need to know the person you intend to MARRY.

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Grow the [censored] up.

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the fact that someone would want his future wife to be totally open and up-front and honest about her past to him (and not assume that he'd think poorly of her) is obviously lost on you. you also seem to be confusing wanting to know all the facts with a judgmental/negative interpretation of those facts. the former does not equal the latter. i believe husbands/wives have a right to the former when it comes to their spouses, and that honest communication is essential for a marriage to succeed; you might not. it doesn't make you more mature.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

[/ QUOTE ]

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hang on, look at it from another perspective: let's say you are joe. your best friend has found out some things about your gf's past, which she has kept hidden from you. you have a certain perception of who she is, what she has done, what she's about, yet it turns out she has misrepresented herself to you--and this is the woman you are likely to marry. would you want your best friend to tell you what he knows? i sure would.

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Then you are obviously a kid without any real experience in relationships. Maria has not misrepresented herself, she has grown, she has changed. She does not owe her boyfriend - or anyone - a blow by blow description of her past sexual history.

You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

Grow the [censored] up.

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Dom's really making this easy to respond. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

She may not be 'hiding' it at all. Not volunteering info isn't the same as misleading. It may have just never came up. There's no reason for it to come up. It's in the past. I'm sure no guy on here goes point by point, detail by detail about their sexual history when they meet a chick. Gimme a break.

A better question for those that 'think' they'd want to know is, what would you do if this was your g/f and you found out she had that history even though she's been super cool to you all through your relationship? Just throw it away? If not, then why does it really matter?

b

[mikech]

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You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

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i wanted to come back to this thread one more time because the issue is being confused here.

look, we're not here to pass judgment on maria's sexual history. however, neither are we here to pass judgment on JOE's possible reaction. like you said dom, who cares if she blew half the football team? for all we know, joe might not give two shts either. or, maybe he'll find it a huge turn-on. or, maybe he'll think she's a dirty skank and dump her ass. THAT'S ALL UP TO HIM.

the question here is, what is our responsibility as joe's best friend, when we have acquired information that he presumably does not have? remember, we're not maria's friend, we are JOE'S BEST FRIEND. does joe have a right to the same info we have? again, he might hate maria after he learns this info, or he might simply shrug it off--that's not for us to decide. but don't we have AN OBLIGATION to share this knowledge with him, as his friend? what kind of a "friend" are you, really, if you don't?

[astroglide]

dom: 40s/engaged twice/never married, right? those are pretty big details to omit while implicitly asserting your relationship credentials. anyway, you should know you don't have to do that if your point is solid.

[dustyn]

What Dom said - this is none of your business at all. You are more likely to be seen as the [censored] here by both Joe and Maria than as some sort of "righteous truthteller." The odds of you seriously hurting two friendships are high because you are out spewing rumors about your roomates GF's sexual history. Just STFU and let them deal with their own relationship.

[pokerspite]

What do you hope to accomplish by telling your roomate?

Her past bothers you. So what?

If he really loves this girl, and since he's been with her for three years its probably a safe bet, there is nothing you can tell him that is going to change his mind about her.

Anything you say will be seen as meddling, and rightfully so, by all partys involved.

If you value your friendship with this guy, keep your nose out of it. His girlfriend will make life holy hell for you and if it comes down to a decision between you or her, trust me, he won't choose you.