worst sexual experience you've ever had

[stinkypete]

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for me, lol, i was drunk and i take home this 30ish asian couger who has english as a second lang. In the morning she wants me to drive her home. I dont have a car at the time. I fake-ask billyjex to borrow his while implying that im not serious and that i just had to fake-ask to appease her, hes like whatever man and humours me (her). btw its 9 am at the time. Billy fell asleep at probably 3 am. I end up calling her a cab but i guess she has like no cash (wtf?). I accidently say "so how much should i pay you for the cab?" (note: instead of give you). But she doesnt catch on b/c english difficulties. Eventually i drop 50 bones on this girl just to make her go away it was so aweful. She was like the type that just lay down in bed and laed there and was like blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. borrrrrrrrrring. Also she ate a bunch of the snack food in the house and didnt ask or anything. Pretty anoying in that regard too

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i can verify this story. dan said the words "i will pay you" at least 3 times. it was awesome.

EDIT: 30ish is generous. i'd go with 40ish.

[Dan BRIGHT]

i think 35 is reasonable

[Lord_Strife]

Just like many other stories on here, mine starts with meeting a girl on myspace. Eventually we decide on going to see a movie after moving our conversations over to AIM. She didn't have any pictures up on her myspace so I didn't really know what I was getting into, but none the less I went after it anyways. She came out of her house pretty hideous and she brought a sandwich with her... man that's a sign of a true fatty if I've ever seen one. But whatever I thought, it had been a while since I had gotten any...

We were talking in the car and she was wondering if she could stay with me tonight... meh I thought, baring any psychoness this shouldn't be that big of a deal. Like I said, it had been a while. Anyways, we get to the movie theater and we're watching whatever random movie is on at the last showing in the place, we're the only people in the entire theater so I have no problem getting a little frisky. We start making out a little bit and quickly progress to groping. She pulls my [censored] out and starts giving me a handjob... which I'll admit is mediocre at best because HJ's are awful in general. So after like 5 minutes of HJ I'm like "sooo are you gonna give me head or what?" Her response blew me away when she was like "I don't do that". All I can think is "how on earth does someone as fat and ugly as you not give head? That should be all you're good for... a giant sex toy.

So this left a bit of an awkward silence for a little bit as I express my concern about desiring a [censored]. Finally I blurt out "[censored] this" and I grabbed my [censored] and walked out of the theater. She starts following me out of the movie and following me out to the parking lot. "Where are you going you mother [censored]!" "I'm getting the [censored] out of here, you're crazy" was my response. She starts getting hysterical showing me that her cellphone is dead. By this time I'm already in my car and she's probably 10 yards away. I roll my window down "not my problem" and she's like "but I was supposed to go home with you! Why are you going to leave me here! I [censored] hate you! [censored] you!" aaaand I promptly left her alone at the movie theater at 1 in the morning in a small suburban town with no cellphone, no car, and no way of getting home. She did typical psycho things after that online but I ignored most of them.

[themandude]

lol nice, no head no bed

[boomshakalaka]

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from memory ripped his foreskin and one of his testicles swelled up a fair bit

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Brag: Foreskin

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[Mothercanuck]

not the worst but i laughed
ex gf normally always swallows and is sick at head...
i couldn't get off after anal sex and she didn't wanna suck or taste her own ass so she was just beating it for me... lights are off and its dark for I reach for a towel and asplode in it...she then yells at me " Those are my favorite PANTS you bastard...not a damn towel."

was makin out hardcore with this chick in the dark and nothing even happened sexually but we didn't even know that she had gotten a nosebleed and blood was all over my collar and neck...

[boomshakalaka]

I was visiting a friend at school and hooked up with this girl. Back at her place I got whiskey dick, then passed out, no big deal. She was gone in the morning. I figure Ill never see her again so whatever. End up seeing her again the next night and hook up again. I feel I need to redeem myself so I go down on her and give it my all, then start hittin it. A combination of whiskey dick and nervousness from the possibility of not being able to redeem myself sets in and I cant finish. I am winded after pounding away for the better part of an hour. So I roll her ontop and kinda hint for her to go down. Eventually she gets what Im going for and then politely informs me that she has never done that before. I tried to B E AGGRESSIVE, but to no avail.

Various other bbv
beat: she was a ginger
brag: she was waxed so no ginger muff
variance: no condom with random college hookup
beat: I dont "do that" normally either, esp with some random chick, but I felt I needed to redeem myself.

[Tuff_Fish]

When I was in the Navy submarine service, (1966-1970) I had some experiences to rival these.

Shortly after I got out of the Navy I used to hang around the waterfront in Seattle. The Pike Street and 1st Ave area well before it got gentrified. A pretty course place in those days. Had a number of equally questionable experiences, quite sufficient to rival any of these tales. I drank quite a bit in those days.

I ain't gonna tell any of them, but I really can appreciate what I am reading here.

Fortunately, God looks after fools and drunks (and those who are both).

Tuff

[longhair]

[ QUOTE ]
When I was in the Navy submarine service, (1966-1970) I had some experiences to rival these.

Shortly after I got out of the Navy I used to hang around the waterfront in Seattle. The Pike Street and 1st Ave area well before it got gentrified. A pretty course place in those days. Had a number of equally questionable experiences, quite sufficient to rival any of these tales. I drank quite a bit in those days.

I ain't gonna tell any of them, but I really can appreciate what I am reading here.

Fortunately, God looks after fools and drunks (and those who are both).

Tuff

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if anyone else made this post they'd be raked over the coals.

also,
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When I was in the Navy submarine service, (1966-1970) I had some experiences to rival these.

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i thought this was going in a whole different direction...

[boomshakalaka]

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When I was in the Navy submarine service, (1966-1970) I had some experiences to rival these.

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i thought this was going in a whole different direction...

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lol me too