Better Restated Abortion Question

[KipBond]

Mendacious - Thanks for answering my questions. I had a brief conversation with a woman several years ago that was pro-choice, had had an abortion, and was explaining to me how hard of a decision it was. She said she didn't regret it, though, so I was curious to try to understand the cause of your regret. I know this is a very personal subject, so I definitely appreciate your being so open and honest here. I have some follow-up questions if you don't mind:

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There are multiple levels to it. It is easy in hindsight after 8 more years of marriage, getting on firmer financial footing, finding your other 2 children so easy to raise (the most fulfilling experience in my life-- by far) to feel like having that child would have been nothing but more of a good thing. At the time however, it seemed like it could break us-- and we took very seriously the fact that we had 2 other small babies whom we wanted to raise in a solid family. It is ironic, but seeing the success of the very thing that weighed most heavily in favor of aborting, the love and desire to protect the 2 children we had, leads to the remorse in that it is impossible to imagine that a 3rd child would have brought anything other than more joy and fulfillment-- not just to us, but to our kids and obviously the third child itself.

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Is there anything stopping you from having another baby now? Is your regret due to a "lost opportunity" -- something that you could have had then, but can't now? I know it would be different if you had a kid now than then, but I'm sure there are pros & cons to it. My sister just had her 4th child, 8-9 years after she lost her 3rd child to SIDS. Her other 2 kids are now teenagers, so it will be different than if she had had him 8-9 years ago, but she is still very happy, and having grown kids to help raise her new boy is definitely a good thing for her. I think his two older sisters will be very helpful in raising him and watching out for him as he grows up. Anyway, pros and cons. Unless there is some reason it's too late for you to have a 3rd one now, you shouldn't regret a lost opportunity too much, right?

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Also, no matter how much you minimize it in your brain, (which is much easier because a fetus is out of sight), the bottom line in abortion is taking a life-- even if you are legally permitted, and perhaps even ethically or morally justifed in doing so. There is such great gravity to it.

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If this is the main cause of your regret, then I understand much more. If you truly feel that the fetus you aborted was a person, who had a "soul" or "self", and you killed him/her, then that's something to feel bad about, for sure. I totally understand. I don't think a fetus is a person, though -- there is no "self" (yet) in the mass of cells that is growing. It's no different (personhood-wise) than a tumor -- and nobody regrets having a tumor removed. Now, I know a tumor won't become a person like a fetus will, but that takes us back to the "lost opportunity" regret earlier -- not a "killing regret".

I would encourage you to read this article:

Ethics and Personhood: Some Issues in Contemporary Neurological Science and Technology

And this one is pretty good too:

The Mystery of Consciousness

The idea you get from those articles is that a person, a "self", is contingent upon higher brain activity. We know when a person dies, because they no longer have higher brain activity. Similarly, we should treat a person as becoming alive when they gain higher brain activity. This doesn't happen until after 5-6 months of pregnancy.