On not contacting Girls... - Page 10

buriedbeds · #91 04-11-2006, 10:36 AM

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So here's the situation. My Girlfriend is out tonight with a group of people which includes a guy she once had a very brief thing with. She's also met this guy earlier in the day because he wanted to buy her a present because she helped him with some work. The present is expensive underwear. The guy is married, wealthy and lives in another city and theyt've been friends for a long time.

She's been very open and honest with me and told me all about why and I've been also very cool about it (despite thinking Underwear WTF? Truth is, She just likes sexy underwear). So I have no reason to distrust or assume anything, yet of course tonight, I'm feeling kind of edgy and hoping she'll get in touch.

The flip side of this, is that i'm very aware that even if I was complaining, all I'd really achieve is annoyance on both our parts.

So I just want OOTs reassurance that texting her would be a really sad move and suggested distractions- cause I'm not playing poker well!

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Calling/texting is a weak, pansy move. Not putting the law down when another man buys your gf underwear is WAY, WAY worse. If (when) she nails that guy (again), you deserve it.

-bb.

irvman21 · #92 04-11-2006, 10:43 AM

Tell her as calmly as you can that you are unhappy with the situation and that you don't deserve to be treated that way. If she doesn't see your side of it, you're better off moving on because she's going to continue to treat you with a lack of respect and why would you want to deal with that?

Ortho · #93 04-11-2006, 10:49 AM

The advice you've gotten in this thread is correct. You can walk away from this now or you can suffer more pain and walk away from it later. The issue was not whether she accepted underwear from him or showed great integrity in not banging him; it's that she didn't throw a drink in his face and leave when he propositioned her. She not only willingly put herself in that situation but remained in it all evening. This indicates that there are circumstances in which she will cheat on you (giving her every benefit of the doubt about this time), and that those circumstances simply didn't occur. You don't want to be in a relationship with this power structure. You really don't.

Oddly, if you walk away from it now you might be able to pick back up with her later on equal terms. If you stay, she just owns you and you will always worry about this kind of stuff.

offTopic · #94 04-11-2006, 10:51 AM

[ QUOTE ]
So here's the situation. My Girlfriend is out tonight with a group of people which includes a guy she once had a very brief thing with. She's also met this guy earlier in the day because he wanted to buy her a present because she helped him with some work. The present is expensive underwear. The guy is married, wealthy and lives in another city and theyt've been friends for a long time.

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"It aw ovah, baybee."

Michael Davis · #95 04-11-2006, 10:51 AM

All I can say is if you keep treating yourself with absolutely no respect this is the kind of girl you will end up with.

OOT has told you in no uncertain terms: your girl sucks bad. The simple, unfortunate fact is that what she did is, as others have said, not redeemable, it is a clear affront to your relationship and your status. The fact that you put up with it means, simply, that you've already lost. Sadly, the only thing you can do now to save face is to dump your girl, which is the standard move here since she sucks.

The point is that whether or not your girl slept with him is a total non-issue. It doesn't matter. If she puts you in this situation right now, after three months, trust me, there is worse to come; she is a headcase and that doesn't change.

-Michael

Bluffoon · #96 04-11-2006, 10:54 AM

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update?

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I'm not happy. She assures me nothings happened and she loves me, we're meeting for drinks later tonight to discuss.

Any tips?

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Brit you have to dump her. These are her values. Its ok in her world to go underwear shopping with guys and meet them for "drinks"at a hotel while in a relationship. You can draw the line here but trust me you are going to be busy drawing lines for her all over the place. She should already come with the proper lines installed. She doesnt and there is nothing you can do to change it.

Sorry and good luck.

Easy E · #97 04-11-2006, 11:01 AM

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who cares if she's being "honest" with you? Her behaviour is not acceptable. Either she's trying to get a rise out of you (not cool) or she likes the attention from another guy who wants to bone her (also not cool).

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While I don't have a problem with liking the attention (everyone has an ego), accepting any gifts such as described, or going out with the scumbag, is definately out of line.

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She should've returned the underwear immediately with a polite "thanks, but I can't accept this from you." Period.

And then to go out with him and a group of others?? Without you??

I'd make it very clear that this is not cool with you, without resorting to threats or ultimatums. Just that it does not make you happy.

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As expected, Dom is totally on the mark here. Maybe the OP should have her sister-ex give him a sexy little gift and then be "honest" with the woman in question.

This just sounds wrong on several levels. This can't be the whole story here, given the history involved. Whether she can be trusted or not may or may not be the question, but having the cheating scum hanging around can not be tolerated.

Easy E · #98 04-11-2006, 11:03 AM

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Send him a thank you note. Say you enjoyed seeing her in it, right before you took it off and ravaged her.

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You forgot to add the part about his wife getting a picture of the gift.

Easy E · #99 04-11-2006, 11:16 AM

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The guy is married, wealthy and lives in another city and they've been friends for a long time.

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She slept with him while he was married, after her husband cheated on her before then, and she is "friends" with this loser because... [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

The more I think about this, the more that 2+2 doesn't = 4. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

It might be time for a serious conversation. Tell her that you've thought about this some more and you aren't comfortable with this relationship. Ask her why she is friends with this guy if infidelity is such a big issue to her.

Ask her if she'd be happy seeing you hang out with her sister, who you had a relationship with before.

Good luck. Keep us updated.

[edit] Almost forgot- if this is a little "test" on her part to gauge your reaction, there'd better not be any others or it's time to go. That's not something to share with her, but don't let it happen to you again.

4_2_it · #**100** 04-11-2006, 11:24 AM

Dom is right here. Have a calm conversation and talk about the future. She will be ready to defend whatever happened (or didn't) last night. Don't give her a chance. Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed?

I can't picture she would be happy if one of your former one night stands decided to ply you with booze and offer up a hotel room with no strings attached........

The one odd angle here is her sister(your ex). Do they talk frequently? Do you still talk to her? If you can get anything out of her without looking suspicious then that might be worth a shot.