favorite Seinfeld line

[The DaveR]

[ QUOTE ]
And you want to be MY Latex salesman?


[/ QUOTE ]

Winner.

[spamhead]

"Did you but the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Do you know what a blam does?...."

[TheMainEvent]

KRAMER: Let's just say that I don't have to worry about working for a while. A LONG while.

JERRY: That's funny because I haven't seen you working for a while. A LONG while.

[JeffO]

Jerry:"Let go of that marble rye you old bag"

[LionelHutz00]

Kramer: Jerry, these are load bearing walls!

[fiskebent]

SERENITY NOW!

[James Boston]

This is a little more than a single line, but in my opinion, one of the best dialogues to take place between Jerry and George. It's from "The Race."



DUNCAN: But there's no way you could have beaten me by that much. I already beaten you in Junior High School three times.

JERRY: I didn't hit puberty til the 9th grade. That's what gave me my speed. Besides, if I got a head start why didn't Mr. Bevilacqua stop the race?

(George enters)

DUNCAN: That's what I've always wondered about.

JERRY: Well, I . . . [sees George]

GEORGE: Oh, my God, No, oh my God, . . . Jerry!

JERRY: I'm sorry, uh,

GEORGE: George, George Costanza!

JERRY: Oh, George Costanza , Kennedy High.

GEORGE: Yes yes yes This is unbelievable.

DUNCAN: Hi, George

GEORGE: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't tell me, don't tell me. It starts with a . . . Duncan Meyers. Oh, wow, this is something. I haven't seen you guys in what, twenty years?

JERRY: This is Lois.

LOIS: Hello.

GEORGE: So what have you been doing with yourself?

JERRY: I'm I'm a comedian.

GEORGE: Ah ha, well, I really wouldn't know about that. I don't watch much TV. I like to read. So what do you do, a lot of that "did you ever notice?" this kind of stuff.

JERRY: Yeah, yeah

GEORGE: It strikes me a lot of guys are doing that kind of humor now.

JERRY: Yeah, yeah, Well, you really got bald there, didn't you?

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah.

JERRY: You really used to have a think full head of hair.

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess I started losing it when I was about twenty-eight right around the time I made my first million. You know what they say. The first million is the hardest one.

JERRY: yeah, yeah.

LOIS: What do you do?

GEORGE: I'm an architect.

LOIS: Have you designed any buildings in New York?

GEORGE: Have you seen the new addition to the Guggenheim?

LOIS: You did that?

GEORGE: Yep. And it didn't take very long either.

JERRY: Well you've really built yourself up into something.

GEORGE: Well, well, I had a dream, Jerry.

JERRY: Well, one cannot help[ but wonder what brings you into a crummy little coffee shop like this.

GEORGE: Well, I like to stay in touch with the people.

JERRY: Ah, you know you have a hole in your sneaker there. What is that canvas?

GEORGE: You know my driver's waiting, I really should get running. Good to see you guys again.

JERRY: George, George, hang on. I haven't seen you in so long.

GEORGE: Ha, uh,

JERRY: I thought we might reminisce a little more. You know Duncan and I were just taking about the big race.

GEORGE: Oh, the big race.

JERRY: Yeah.

GEORGE: Yes, yes,.

LOIS: You were there?

GEORGE: Yes, sure, surely was. Yeah, I'll remember that day. Well I'll never forget it because that was the day that I uh, lost my virginity to Miss. Stafford, the uh, voluptuous home room teacher.

DUNCAN: Miss Stafford?

GEORGE: Yes, yes, you know I was in detention and she came up behind me while I was erasing the blackboard . . .

JERRY: George!

GEORGE: But I digress. Let me see, now. You were standing at one end of the line and I was right next to you. And I remember we were even for like, the first five yards and then , BOOM,...You were gone.

JERRY: Did I get a head start?

GEORGE: Head start, oh no absolutely not.

[MycroftX]

The one where Jerry tries to do the roomate switch by asking if they are into 'menage a trois,' and they were both into it.

When he tells George about it George says:

"Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you know me, and have access to my dementia?!?!"

[2/325Falcon]

George's speech from The Marine Biologist:

George: So I started to walk into the water. I won't lie to you boys, I was terrified! But I pressed on and as I made my way passed the breakers a strange calm came over me. I don't know if it was divine intervention or the kinship of all living things but I tell you Jerry at that moment I was a marine biologist!

Elaine: George I was just reading this thing in the papers, it's amazing!

George: I know I was just telling them the story.

Kramer: Come on George, finish the story.

George: The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to return soup at a deli!

(Jerry gives Kramer a "what the h-" glance)

George: I got about fifty-feet out and then suddenly the great beast appeared before me. I tell ya he was ten stories high if he was a foot. As if sensing my presence he gave out a big bellow. I said, "Easy big fella!" And then as I watched him struggling I realized something was obstructing his breathing. From where I was standing I could see directly into the eye of the great fish!

Jerry: Mammal.

George: Whatever.

Kramer: Well, what did you do next?

George: Then from out of nowhere a huge tidal wave lifted, tossed me like a cork and I found myself on top of him face to face with the blow-hole. I could barely see from all of the waves crashing down on top of me but I knew something was there so I reached my hand and pulled out the obstruction!

(George pulls out of the inside pocket a golf ball)

(Jerry and George just stare at Kramer)

Kramer: What is that a Titleist? A hole in one eh.

Jerry: Well the crowd most have gone wild!

George: Oh yes they did Jerry they were all over me. It was like Rocky 1. Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful. It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was not a marine biologist!

Jerry: Wow! What'd she say?

George: She told me to "Go to hell!" and I took the bus home.

[wezvidz]

from kenny roasters episode
Kramer: Is that hickory?
Newman: It's the wood that makes it good.

same ep:
Jerry: Broccoli? Newman, you wouldn't eat broccoli if it was deep fried in chocolate sauce.


Jerry: I tell you, this speed dial is like a relationship barometer!
George: What is a barometer anyway?
Kramer: It's pronounced thermometer.


At vet with Smuckers
Kramer: It especially hurts when he drinks orange juice. I mean.. dog food... juice.