When you have a daughter....

[4_2_it]

davey,

I see your point and can see where if monitored, it would not be a big deal. The key thing is that when your teenager knows why (and not just how) you feel the way you do, they are more accepting of parental direction.

I'm sure your stepson knows what the punishment is if he caught visiting inappropriate websites or abusing AIM. That's the key. Kids need boundaries. If parents do not provide them, then the kids will have a free reign which is not healthy.

I would be interested to hear what milo and chesspain have to offer to this conversation. I am no child psychologist, I am only a parent doing what I think is best.

BTW - I think it is awesome that your daughter sends you emails. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[spamuell]

I think it's a pretty big deal to monitor the content of your teenage children's conversations with their friends. Monitoring who they're talking to or which websites they're looking at is different.

To be honest, I expect my teenagers to be savvy enough to stop me from seeing they've been looking at anything they don't want me to see.

[Shajen]

OOinsight,

I do not have a daughter, but I can only hope that if I do, I will be a good enough father that her decisions on who she dates will be in line with what I wish for her.

I used to say I would threaten bodily harm, but as I get older, I realize all you can do set the best example you can and hope they follow. If they don't, well, dating will probably be the least of your worries.

[daveymck]

Spam

I agree to a point and I think he would be pretty pissed if he knew I was looking. However as he is ramping up into full moody teenage mode and it has helped stop some situations get out of control where big arguments could have happened.

For example he acted very much out of character and went off somewhere at a strange time totally unusual and acting weird and evasive, turned out he was meeting a girl and going to her house with her friend and probably felt embarressed about telling us (mainly due to his little sisters taking the mick amonst other things). Took me two seconds to find it out and meant no grillings for him when he came home as would have happened otherwise ie where you been what doing.

Theres issues around drugs in his school and in the area where his Dad and mates live, plus you will be aware that in the UK there is a huge underage drink problem as well as high rates of pregnancy.

I make no apologies for using whatever tools available to ensure that over these next few difficult years he stays both on the rails and gets all the support and advice he needs from us (if we have to snoop a bit so be it). I am sure he will untick the save log file box on msn at some point shortly.

Edited to add

I think a lot of this my point of view comes from the fact I had huge problems at school, that made my life hell and my parents were totally unaware of what was going on and as such able to give any support or assistance. I ended up taking an overdose and being hospitalised for a week at 17, even now I still dont know if my parents know what happened or if they beleived it was gastral enteritis like the hospital said.

As such it means I would rather sneak and know what is going on, than not and be totally obvlivious and unsupporting to my kids.

[MrMon]

Knowledge is the best defense. So just let them read OOT for a month before dating to let them know what guys are really like. They will learn the following lessons:

1. All teenage and twentysomethings guys are obsessed with sex.

2. Aforementioned guys will lie and/or say/do anything to get sex.

Once girls learn this lesson, they need to apply economics. Since the most valuable thing they have is sex, make it a rare commodity. The rarer it is, the higher a price they can charge. You don't even need to sell it, just the mere temptation will often get them what they want. Anyone not willing to pay the price is not worth it.

Girls just need to realize that if they're confident, smart, and independent, there's no reason to put up with guy behavior they don't find acceptable. Raise a smart, confident, independent girl and you'll have a lot fewer problems. OOTers may call her a few names, but you know it's just because they can't have what she has. She owns you.

[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
Knowledge is the best defense. So just let them read OOT for a month before dating to let them know what guys are really like. They will learn the following lessons:

1. All teenage and twentysomethings guys are obsessed with sex.

2. Aforementioned guys will lie and/or say/do anything to get sex.

Once girls learn this lesson, they need to apply economics. Since the most valuable thing they have is sex, make it a rare commodity. The rarer it is, the higher a price they can charge. You don't even need to sell it, just the mere temptation will often get them what they want. Anyone not willing to pay the price is not worth it.

Girls just need to realize that if they're confident, smart, and independent, there's no reason to put up with guy behavior they don't find acceptable. Raise a smart, confident, independent girl and you'll have a lot fewer problems. OOTers may call her a few names, but you know it's just because they can't have what she has. She owns you.

[/ QUOTE ]

This sounds strangely like teaching your daughter to be a w*hore.

I have a feeling she can probably figure that out on her own.

[spamuell]

[ QUOTE ]
I think a lot of this my point of view comes from the fact I had huge problems at school, that made my life hell and my parents were totally unaware of what was going on and as such able to give any support or assistance.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dave, I can see why you'd be concerned, yeah, and I'm coming at it from a different perspective as I've never really had a problem getting my parents to stay out of my interactions with my peers and to be honest, I've done some things that if they found out about (and they would have found out about them if they'd been keylogging my computer or something) then they'd have been incredibly angry/worried about me.

But I mean, you've gotta let teenagers have privacy and make mistakes. It's too idealistic to say that you should be close enough to them that they're not going to hide stuff from you, I know I love my parents tons and have hidden tons. But can't you trust your son enough to be sure that he's unlikely to do anything absolutely idiotic? So what if he is meeting girls or even drinking, who wasn't? If it gets to the stage where it becomes a serious problem, you won't need to sneak around to know about it.