Please respond: a short fiction piece

[SoloAJ]

I used garbled because it seemed like a fitting word to describe a baby's first word. Perhaps it isn't the right word, but it seemed babyish to me.

And fair enough on the fluently thing. I'll have to work on something....I think I'm at 197 right now with fluently...so it will be hard to say "with her hands" maybe, but I will try and work something out.

Thanks for the feedback on the new ideas gents.

[rothko]

you've got lots of other stuff that can be cut. that part is the pivot, don't sacrifice it for other less important areas.

[Dane S]

Agreed. You should get that sentence perfect, then rewrite the whole story around it if necessary.