Please respond: a short fiction piece

[John Feeney]

I think it loses a lot of substance if you end it after the first paragraph. That said, it could end somewhere in the middle of the second paragraph, maybe after "...heart began to flutter."

I prefer "otherwise blank slip" to the alternative.

This sentence...

"His wife was taking her last mouthful of Chinese food and placing her napkin on the plate."

...might be more effective if you make it something like...

"His wife was finishing her last mouthful of food at Chin Lo's, placing her napkin on the plate." i.e., personalizing it with a place name or something, I think, brings the reader in better than "Chinese food," you know?

Good luck.