Theres a [censored] bat in my [censored] house

[Rearden]

My parents house is incredibly old (in very good shape and restored but still old drafty attics and crawlspaces). When I was a youngin bats were a common thing. I can recall relaxing and watching Indiana Jones (the Raider's snake scene) in my room on the third floor when a bat came in and start flying around all disoriented like. After that of course my mom flipped out and had some professional come in and search the crawlspaces for where it came in and sealed it. The actual bat was dealt with by my father in the dining room with a fishing net.

My guess is the bat never left your house to begin with (or is coming in every night to get warm). As far as I know there arent many truly effective repellants. Try to find (or hire a pro to find) where it is gaining entry into your home (they can fit into INCREDIBLY small spaces.

Cats are useless in general and will not be able to stop a highly evolved creature of the night that uses senses far beyond what most other mammals have.

You need to stop the entry problem and then rely on a fishing net or broom (if you feel like murder) to solve the singular bat issue. Or you could call a pro (no idea what they charge)

[mmbt0ne]

ok, can't find the thread b/c archiveserver is down. here's a copy of the post though

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First, I play Nottom in a HU match for the CHUMP/MILF tourney going on in the micro forum of 2+2, and manage to suck out enough to win. Now, it’s probably 10 or 10:30, and I’m pretty bored. I end up watching the end of Law and Order and kept watching the news afterwards. On the news, they did a piece about the free frosty weekend, and I was hungry, so it made perfect sense. Also, the Will Ferrell SNL was coming on soon, so I got in my car and headed to Wendy’s and then a friend’s house.

Well, thanks to being back in the suburbs, Wendy’s closes at 11 on a Saturday night, so no eating great, even late for me. I go to my friend’s house, disappointed I don’t have a frosty and watch the Will Ferrell SNL. It wasn’t very funny. The writers suck hard now. In an attempt to salvage the night we watched Closer, which I hadn’t seen. It’s an ok movie.

Ok, so that was basically the set up for this. I get back to my house at like 3 or 3:15 and watch something on HBO or TMC or some movie channel. I plan on crashing on the couch in the living room because it’s comfortable and no one else is home, so I won’t get woken up early.

Anyway, it’s probably around 3:45 and I’m almost asleep, when my golden retriever starts chasing something through the living room. I see it flying around by the TV, so I figure it just another moth, because we get those a lot. A couple minutes later it comes by again, and this time I’m not so sure it’s a moth. It’s flying pretty high and it looks like it’s flapping pretty hard. It can’t be a bat. We don’t get bats in the house. The neighbors across the street get bats in their woods, and around their pool at night, but this is a house, no bats in a house.

I hear a couple more fly-bys and I finally decide to turn on the light. Yup, it’s a bat. THERE’S A [censored] BAT IN MY HOUSE!! HOLY GODDAMN [censored] [censored] ASDFJA;SLFKJASD;LFKJDSF!!!!

It takes me a minute or two to comprehend what’s going on here, and I have to figure out how to get this bat out of my house. It’s not a little bat either, it’s got about a 10 inch wingspan. All I know is bats don’t like light, so I start turning every light on this level of the house on, and turn the stairway light on too so that it won’t go upstairs. The whole time I’m doing this, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder waiting to be divebombed by a pissed off bat, and carrying my comforter for protection against said divebomb.

Anyway, long story short (relatively), there’s a lot of yelling at my dogs to get the bat, a lot of me swinging a blanket as it flies around the house, and a lot of me ducking like a little bitch when it comes near me. By about 4:30 this is getting old. I’ve been trying to run this thing out the open doors for almost an hour now, and it’s not working. I end up getting it close to the door, but then it turns and starts flying at my face. All I can do it scream like a bitch, and swat at it with the blanket. I connect and the bat is twitching on the hardwood.

I throw the dog blanket over the bat, and try to figure out how to get it outside, because it’s not dead, and I’m sure not going to touch it. Interesting side note: good thing I never ended up killing it, because apparently they’re endangered. Somehow, I end up giving up on the bat removal plan, and actually fall asleep in the recliner. I wake up about an hour later to hear that god damn bat squeaking and the same golden retriever playing with something in the corner after moving her blanket off the bat. That bitch.

So, I have my second fight with the bat of the night, and this time, manage to get it out the door with the help or a broom, a blanket and a sheet. All of which are still on the front porch right now because I haven’t openned the door. I slept with all of the lights on, and I’m still scared to open doors on the other levels of my house because I haven’t purified all rooms of possible bats. That’s all.

tl;dr - Play HU match. Watch L&O and news, get hungry. No frostys cause Wendy’s closes at 11. Will Ferrell SNL sucks. Closer is a decent movie. Get back home at 3. See bat flying around house at 3:45. Fight with bat until around 4:45 when I knock it out. Fall asleep. Wake up at 6, and my dog freed the bat from his blanket prison. Fight with bat part 2 until 6:45 when I knock it outside with a broom. Slept with all the lights on, and still afraid to open doors.

[adanthar]

when I lived in a frat house with a bat problem, I used to wait for a flyby and smack them down with laundry tubs or pizza boxes. almost anything works - once they fly into whatever you're waving above you, they get stunned and fall down. then you just scoop it into the container and toss it outside, before paying $$$ to an exterminator to seal your attic cracks.

[Uglyowl]

Good story mmbt0ne; here's mine, not proud of how much of a wuss I am... We have brave soldiers younger than me in Iraq and I am freaking out over a bat [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

My wife and I were watching Idol on DVR on the couch with my almost 3 year year old half asleep between us. Didn't know what was going on at first, ducking and weaving as it is flying around. My son is like "what's that? Birdie".. nothing major to him. Then my wife starts freaking out and then my little guy starts crying. Crap... now I have to be tough and figure this out. Get my wife and son to escape through a back door that is usually shut... then I turn into a complete wuss.

Pillow in one hand and broom in the other (first things I could find). I am tip toeing around scared of my shadow and every noise, with the glade spray mist (goes off every 15 minutes or something) giving me a god damn heart attack. Opened 2 windows and the outside door.

I was convinced he had went away until we saw the bastard again. I was alot more calm tonight. I have been reluctant to take a swing at it, didn't know if blood would splatter everywhere or he'd survive and I'd get a pissed off bat attack.

Now I have to sack up and take a tennis racket to it I think. I am really not looking forward to it though.

Fishing net sounds like it may do the trick also. Gotta be ready for the next visit.

[vikefan24]

call some buddies over, tell them to bring there own weapons and put a $20 ransom on the bat

[Russ M.]

Mike: "I got an idea, okay? I'll open the fridge, you hit the lights. Bats are attracted to light. It'll fly in the fridge, I close the door, end of story."
Steve: "That's moths, you dumb-ass, not bats."

[TheBlueMonster]

[ QUOTE ]
call some buddies over, tell them to bring there own weapons and put a $20 ransom on the bat

[/ QUOTE ]
Bats: The Most Dangerous Game

[baumer]

Bats are crazy.

When I was living in residence at university, I was out in the quad one night. I went to take a piss in the corner, so I start goin' and I hear this hissing noise, kinda like an air leak or something. I am fairly messed up at this point, so I'm sure it's nothing.

I continue to piss, and am still hearing this hissing sound so I decide to investigate. Of course, there is a bat hanging on the wall right where I am pissing, drenched in my piss, still hissing. It is unable to fly and just lays there on the cement once I knock it down.

That is the good part of the story, there is so much more to it than that, I just don't have the time or energy.


Another bat story. There was a bat sleeping in my hunting cabin. I put on some gloves, grabbed it good and tight (too tight) and chucked it out the closest window. Of course, it couldn't fly or anything and was just screaming on the ground. Shortly thereafter it was squished by a boot.

[Frequitude]

[ QUOTE ]
Bats are crazy.

When I was living in residence at university, I was out in the quad one night. I went to take a piss in the corner, so I start goin' and I hear this hissing noise, kinda like an air leak or something. I am fairly messed up at this point, so I'm sure it's nothing.

I continue to piss, and am still hearing this hissing sound so I decide to investigate. Of course, there is a bat hanging on the wall right where I am pissing, drenched in my piss, still hissing. It is unable to fly and just lays there on the cement once I knock it down.

That is the good part of the story, there is so much more to it than that, I just don't have the time or energy.



[/ QUOTE ]


5:1 says you were shroomin'. Now that would be trippy.

[Tom Ames]

[ QUOTE ]
call some buddies over, tell them to bring there own weapons and put a $20 ransom on the bat

[/ QUOTE ]

Do not attempt without a cam-corder at the ready! Free beer in advance should also raise their competitive spirits.