Need your opinion... Does this wife owe him more?

[Ser William]

I didn't know what a Law Clerk was, so I wikipedia'd it:

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In the United States and Canada, a law clerk is a person who provides assistance to a judge in researching issues before the court and in writing opinions. Those unfamiliar with court operations often incorrectly assume that a law clerk is a court clerk or courtroom deputy, essentially a secretary for the court. To the contrary, a law clerkship is one of the most prestigious and highly-coveted jobs in the legal profession.

Working as a judicial law clerk at any level of government is generally considered to be a prestigious occupation within the legal field. It tells others in the legal profession that an individual came out of law school with enough competence and legal intelligence to earn a judge's trust and heavily influence his or her decisions. Working as a law clerk generally opens up vast career opportunities.

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If she is indeed a law clerk, seems like she just needs to sell it better to him.

[Wynton]

There are many flavors of law clerks. Some positions are, indeed, quite prestigious. But not all are.

Whatever the particular position is that she is considering, I doubt that accepting it will close off opportunities that she otherwise would have had.

[Colt McCoy]

How big are the differences in pay?

I can sympathize with both parties on this, and think both should have input in decisions like this. At the very least, he should be able to express his thoughts and feelings about it prior to her making the decision.

From his standpoint, he's sacrificed a lot for her career already and just when he sees light at the end of the tunnel, she's stopping the train. He sacrificed because she asked him too. Now she's not willing to buck up and work a little harder and/or overcome her insecurities to do her part in supporting the family. It's perfectly understandable that he'd be disappointed and frustrated.

She really needs to try to communicate to him exactly why she's taking the job that she is, assuming it's not just because she's lazy. I'm guessing it is largely out of fear or insecurity that she's taking the easier, less visible job. If that's the case, maybe they can talk her through it. His support can go a long way in helping her through that, but it's difficult to support someone who just wants the easy way out.

[youtalkfunny]

The husband needs to get over it, or move along.

[Your Mom]

[ QUOTE ]
The husband needs to get over it, or move along.

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I'd let my wife do whatever she wants to do as long as she isn't touching any other dudes.

[MrMon]

I don't have much time on this, but my wife and I have a similar situation, so I will have more to say on it. But, really quickly, here's the mistake she may be making. Depending on the nature of the job, she's taking, she may be stuck in it permanently. That first job out of law school is important. If it's some run of the mill government job, they'll be no chance to ramp up later if she decides to go for it. If she took the harder, higher paying job and decided she hated it, she could always step down to the government job. This may be an important consideration, and he realizes it, but she doesn't. More later.

[Wynton]

As I said before, it is unlikely that the person considering the job is cutting herself off from future opportunities. This is why.

(1) If the clerkship is the prestigious type, she will be even better positioned afterwards for a high-paying job at a firm.
(2) If she was in position for a prestigious clerkship, I highly doubt that she is now looking at a "run of the mill" position that will adversely affect her future chances of getting a high-paying gig.
(3) If the position she is not considering isn't that prestigious, then she probably was not going to get a job with a prominent law firm anyway.
(4) Contrary to what many think, employers understand that people make mistakes in deciding upon their first job. Indeed, the vast majority of lawyers end up seeking a new position within a few years. I have difficulty imaginging a scenario where one's initial job choice (in law) amounts to a permanent mistake.

[odellthurman]

[ QUOTE ]
(4) Contrary to what many think, employers understand that people make mistakes in deciding upon their first job. Indeed, the vast majority of lawyers end up seeking a new position within a few years. I have difficulty imaginging a scenario where one's initial job choice (in law) amounts to a permanent mistake.

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The above poster/post makes a good point. Also, I think that this is a sensitive issue that the spouses should work out between themselves. No offense to the OP, but I believe there are serious communication problems in this marriage if the OP is so heavily involved in the discussion.

[inside??]

The husband is a tool. It isn't all about the check. Happiness is a big part. He should be happy she isn't just sitting home on her ass.

[DrewDevil]

Clerking for a judge is a stepping stone to prestigious, higher-paying jobs... but it sounds like she's choosing to be a permanent law clerk type... like a legal researcher for some gov't entity. That is not prestigious and does not pay well.

I have a number of conflicting opinions on this.

First of all, I worked at a big law firm for 4 years to pay off my law school loans, and it SUCKED. I hated that job with a passion. I hated having school loans too. Ugh, hated it. I can certainly understand why she would not want to take that kind of job.

I also am a little amused that this guy expects his wife to bring in truckloads of cash. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but it's my impression that generally speaking, the husband is usually going to be the prime breadwinner in the family, especially when kids come along. I don't know of many husbands who expect their wives to be cash machines.

But on the other hand, if they decided that the wife was going to go to law school for the specific purpose of earning a lot more money for the family, and made the conscious decision to go into debt, etc., with the idea that this was an investment in a more lucrative future, then I would sympathize with him completely. How specific did they discuss this beforehand, and did the wife know at the jump that this was designed to bump up the family's earning power?

Fourth, even if that was the case, a person is allowed to change her mind, and no one should feel like she has to take a certain job or career to live for someone else or to generate wads of cash. I left my law career to take a job that basically paid nothing, and it would have been nice for my ex-wife to be a little supportive instead of bitching at me all the time about how I had "sold her a bill of goods" (nice, huh?) Of course, we were able to solve that problem by getting divorced and me giving her the house.

On the other other hand, her position was fairly reasonable... i.e., when we got married, you were cranking cash as a lawyer, and now you want to be a broke sportscaster? This goes back to what the husband's expectations were before the wife ever started law school.

On balance, I say I side with the wife. She shouldn't feel like she has to take the best-paying job she's offered, and he shouldn't feel like his spouse 'owes him' any particular level of income. But... she should understand his resentment, to a point, and figure out a good way to tackle the school debt so he doesn't feel like he's made all these sacrifices for nothing.