Ex-GF's father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?

[inishowen]

Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[hamsamich]

This is a bad idea IMO. Since she is preparing to bury her father there really is no up side to this for you at all. You can be her rock through this very difficult time but by the time her father makes his grand exit and she is ready for anything else in her life you will have hung around for several months for.....what?
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[neuroman]

[ QUOTE ]
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[/ QUOTE ]
You really nailed it here. OP, don't go out of your way for her--this is not a way to get back together. But if you had a relationship with her dad then treat him like you would any other friend or acquaintance who got cancer.

[guids]

[ QUOTE ]
This is a bad idea IMO. Since she is preparing to bury her father there really is no up side to this for you at all. You can be her rock through this very difficult time but by the time her father makes his grand exit and she is ready for anything else in her life you will have hung around for several months for.....what?
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[/ QUOTE ]

I find this ridiculous, and pretty nasty and immature. Saying that she "gets a free ride" is pretty disgusting. Just because she is your ex, doesnt mean anything imo, is she your friend? if you feel like you want to be there to support her, by all means do so.

[DrewDevil]

Call him and tell him you're thinking about him and praying for him. If you're really close, go see him by yourself, don't tell ex-gf you're going.

[Shadowrun]

if you like him, visit him (i would go even if you dont like him), i would also try to be a "rock" for her but thats my personality.

[wdogg40]

[ QUOTE ]
if you like him, visit him (i would go even if you dont like him). [b]I would also try to be a "rock" for her butt; thats my personality.[b]

[/ QUOTE ]

[skunkworks]

Thanks for the contributions, dick holes. Really showing your sensitive sides.

OP - It's good that you went to go see him. Did the ex ever find out you did?

[skunkworks]

guids - lol. Guys should only provide emotional support for chicks if it increases their chance of getting vag AMIRITE? Right.

Now let's go shotgun some MGD and date rape some college coeds.

[firstyearclay]

[ QUOTE ]
Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Get out of this "hanging on" [censored] now. It will help your mental-being. Send him a nice letter and make sure it gets to him. Maybe with something that will make him laugh. When her dad is feeling ill he will tell her that you sent this. It may give you brownie points.....but you shouldn't care because you are doing it because you like HIM not HER.

my 2 cents.

FYC