Stupidest girlfriend/fiance/wife arguments?

[Somebody]

Yeah, My wife sucks.

She went apeshit at me because I gave her a "special" disease that I didn't have when we first got together.

[talentdeficit]

me and my girlfriend were enjoying dinner. our waitress checks me out when she takes our order.. my girlfriend sing songs 'someone thinks you're cute' good naturedly. i say, 'everyone thinks i'm cute'. my girlfriend gives me an exagerated eye roll. we make small talk. the waitress comes back with our food. i smile at her. twenty minutes later, after an argument featuring clenched teeth and angry gesturing with a knife, my girlfriend tells me i'm the most conceited piece of [censored] on the planet and disappears into the night.

[neuroman]

[ QUOTE ]
me and my girlfriend were enjoying dinner. our waitress checks me out when she takes our order.. my girlfriend sing songs 'someone thinks you're cute' good naturedly. i say, 'everyone thinks i'm cute'. my girlfriend gives me an exagerated eye roll. we make small talk. the waitress comes back with our food. i smile at her. twenty minutes later, after an argument featuring clenched teeth and angry gesturing with a knife, my girlfriend tells me i'm the most conceited piece of [censored] on the planet and disappears into the night.

[/ QUOTE ]
this one is my favorite so far for being succinct, bizarro, and funny. I wish I had a story of hilarious verbal abuse to share.

[muddy mudskipper]

damn it. i was gonna type a something funny, but theres no way i can follow a post like somebodys. well done.

[traz]

The first thing that popped into my mind...

I was camping with my gf, one other couple, and 2 other guy friends. I didn't want the 2 guys to feel awkward if we were all coupley and left them out, so I was trying to hang out with them alot. Of course, my girlfriend felt neglected cause well, girls need far too much attention. Fast forward to the evening. At some point, one of my friends pulls out a combat knife and it was pretty cool. So us, being guys, we start throwing it into a tree, and its actually pretty fun. My GF erupts saying that I'm "hurting the tree" and that I would rather play with a knife and tree than her...I tell her that she can take the place of the tree if she'd prefer. She then takes my car keys and drives away into the night, with no drivers license, no cell phone, and in complete darkness. I sat down, smoked a cigar, gave her hell when she got back, and then had angry make up sex in the tent.

Needless to say I broke up with her right after.

[JaredL]

I've thought about making a thread about this. It's not quite what the OP is looking for but a lot of arguments I get into with my wife get a million times worse because I laugh. There are a few reasons for this. Most of the time it's just because the situation is awkward. I don't actually think anything in is funny and it's just nervous laughter. Sometimes I think the situation itself is somewhat humurous in that what we're arguing about is absurd and meaningless. Other times I just think she's funny.

Almost every time she gets really upset and says I'm disrespectful and laughing in her face - that sort of thing. I'm not really sure what to do about it because I usually can't help it.

I may get some [censored] for posting this, but I can appreciate the Barenaked Ladies lyric:

How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Cant understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will

[SoHotRightNow]

[ QUOTE ]
I've thought about making a thread about this. It's not quite what the OP is looking for but a lot of arguments I get into with my wife get a million times worse because I laugh. There are a few reasons for this. Most of the time it's just because the situation is awkward. I don't actually think anything in is funny and it's just nervous laughter. Sometimes I think the situation itself is somewhat humurous in that what we're arguing about is absurd and meaningless. Other times I just think she's funny.

Almost every time she gets really upset and says I'm disrespectful and laughing in her face - that sort of thing. I'm not really sure what to do about it because I usually can't help it.

I may get some [censored] for posting this, but I can appreciate the Barenaked Ladies lyric:

How can I help it if I think youre funny when youre mad
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad
Im the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Cant understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will

[/ QUOTE ]

I do this a lot as well, the nervous/awkward laughter at innapropriate circumstance, in particular when something has just gone horribly, yet comedically, wrong for for a friend of mine. I kind of like I detach myself from the whole situation, and just laugh because its funny or ridiculous, with blatant disregard to the fallout of my laughter.

A story comes to mind- my fiance (gf at the time) and I got thai take out and also bought half a lemon merigue pie for dessert, which came in a full pie box. We get home, and she goes to put the pie on the counter, but only puts it half on. Of course, the half pie is sitting in the unsupported half, and the box flips over and falls on the ground. She swears, and picks up the box, but the box opens upside down and the remains of the pie spill out all over the floor. I know that the correct course of action is
1> Hug girlfriend
2> Help clean up
3> Offer to get new pie
4> Profit?

Instead, I instinctively
1> Laugh with tears rolling down my face, until I see her standing there glowering at me
2> Pull myself together for a little while, help clean up a bit, but go into fits of laughter every 10-15 seconds
3> Watch as girlfriend grabs her keys, storms out, and goes round to her parents for the evening.
4> Eat my dinner, and for dessert, the parts of the pie that weren't too mangled or smeared on the floor.

Actually, that didn't turn out too bad for me...

[thirddan]

soHot,

how did your gf not also find that super funny? i like your response, but probably would not have let her leave...i know i would have been busting out at that...

[SoHotRightNow]

She thought I was laughing at her for dropping it. I tried to explain that I was laughing at the situation, but meh... Everything would have been ok if I hadn't have burst out laughing 2 or three more times after she told me she wasn't finding it funny.

Also, I had to let her leave because (a) she might have been heading to the pie shop to get some more (unlikely, and as it turned out, wrong), and (b) she wouldn't have let me eat any of the floor pie if she had stayed.

She came home at about 10, and by that time was willing to accept that there might be a funny side to it, and to this day, we only ever get full pies/cheesecakes/cakes as a result- win win win.

[DrewDevil]

[ QUOTE ]
I know that the correct course of action is
1> smear pie all over girlfriend's body
2> lick it off
3> Offer to get new pie
4> Profit

[/ QUOTE ]