When you have a daughter....

[Blarg]

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Right. Withholding luxuries from your kids is stupid. They should have every senseless, expensive thing they want.

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That's not what I wrote. My point is that so many kids have cell phones with text messaging these days that it is no longer considered as a luxury. We can't appreciate this fact because cell phones weren't nearly as prevalent when we were 13-14 years old (I'm 31, btw).

All I'm saying is that if your daughter is the *only* kid amongst her friends who isn't able to text message with them, she'll resent you a little for it. If the only reason you provide to her is "You don't need it. I didn't have one at your age and I turned out fine", she'll think you're totally out of touch.

If anything, I think a cell phone is a good way to teach your kids some responsibility and money management. Allow them a certain number of hours' use per month, and if they go over that amount, they either pay the difference or lose the phone. Showing enough trust in them will go along way in them trusting you in return.

If they break your trust by going way over their minutes, then they lose the phone. However, at least you showed enough trust in them to be able to succeed or fail on their own, rather than you telling them that they would have failed anyway, so you're not going to even let them try.

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Whether teenagers view it as a luxury or not does not mean it isn't one. In my opinion, kids that consider cell phones a necessity need a kick in the ass. Their thinking is out of whack and someone needs to start teaching them what true necessities are or they'll continue to grow up with priorities and spending habits that are completely out of whack. If you think a phone is good for teaching responsibility, that's fine. I don't have a problem with that if it's your reason. If you're giving it to her just because the other kids have them, that's another story. And, yes, teenagers will find reasons to resent you. If you continually use "I don't want her to resent me" as a factor in your decision making with regard to teenagers, then you're going to be broke, have spoiled kids, and STILL end up resented.

edit: by the way, I agree with most of what you're saying. you have to give them a chance to be responsible. you have to give them a chance to succeed and to fail. then you have to help them figure out why they did either way. too many parents take the easy way out. they do what they do because it's easiest for them,not because it's best for the kid. i'm not really saying the kid shouldn't have a phone, just make sure the reasons are the right ones.

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I agree with this post entirely.