How can I make myself get diarrhea?

[McBeef]

actually having diarrhea is pretty worthless with getting a doctors note, your gp aint gonna check your underwear for skidmarks. doctors dont care about diarrhea, they jsut wanna write you a note so you [censored] off, no one wants to hang around someone who cant control their bowels.. jsut go to the doc and youll be out in less than 2minutes with a crisp note

maybe try insomnia? i got drugs and stuff for that and the doc didnt do any tests apart from jsut asking me questions and normal stuff. pretty sweet excuse if you ask me