Official MTT COACHING thread.

[BarryLyndon]

In a few months, I feel like I will hire a coach. Until then, I am available for coaching as well. I will teach you:

1. How to write posts on 2+2 and fool people into thinking you are a better player than you are (in SSMTT).
2. How to be a winning player at NL25 PLO (two tables).
3. How to maximize your expectation of sitting at at table with rednecks and/or 17 year olds.
4. How to pick up girls aged 18+ while at NL50 6max.
5. Writing poetry/prose that depicrates an OP's vile play in SSMTT while at the same time making that OP like you.
6. What not to do with AKo+; QQ+.
7. Being emo without going on tilt.
8. Breaking stuff.
9. How to get [censored] housed and succeed in home games and small stakes MTTs.