rongsht

[bicyclekick]

I've finally reached a point where I'm lost. I've fealt lost for quite a while but haven't been truly lost. Now I'm there.

I keep blowing through more and more $ and it just doesn't change. I go grind 10/20 for a while, feel very sharp and go play 'big' which is usually like 30/60 and just blow. Sometimes I'll see a 50/100 or a 100/200 game and I'll sit there and it's the same thing. No shot.

I have plenty of money in the bank but my online money is like 12k. 12 freaking k. That's a lot of money I guess, but for a 'bankroll' that's pathetic for a player with the success I've had. I don't have all my hands in one place, but i'm pretty sure my streak is over 1500bb

I've put a good amount of effort into NL of which I'm down 20 buyins lifetime on non-pacific. If you include that I'm up but that doesn't count in my oppinion.

I've been playing mostly 100 nl with some 200 and my luck there just blows super hard. I know I don't play super good or anything, but I've seen enough hands to know my luck is really bad. There, it's not the money I care about as I'm more just trying to learn it so I can play bigger but it hurts your confidence so much when it goes like that time after time. I know most people wont believe my luck there is bad and that's fine. I know it is.

Now with limit, I've had a number of players who I respect well tell me I'm playing very tough confident poker. I sit down and still almost always feel like the best player or the 2nd best mb. I did some reflection and all that and I realised over a good part of my 'downswing' I was folding too much. Now I think I'm calling down a little too much. I need to find that happy medium.

I've posted 3 losing months in a row and am down maybe 10k or so so far in december. Those numbers aren't that important to me. I just want to get back on the right track and winning again. It feels like forever.

I've reached the 'bottom'...and it's so wonderful that I have plenty of 'non-bankroll' money and I'm good to go for 'regular life' and assuming something ridiculous doesn't happen I'll be getting a nice check back from my quarterly tax payments I've been paying because I've made less money this year.

Don't pity me too much, I'm sitting in colorado on a ski trip. It's just poker. It's not working.

I tried a break. That helped a little, and I've been in a much better place in general since, but just the last few days I feel my self slipping again.

I'm sure there are a handful of people that are at least slightly happy inside because they feel as though i've had it easier than most should, and that's fine. Maybe it is a building block for me. I don't know. If I've handled this as well as I feel I have it makes me confident that I can get through a lot in life.

I just don't know where to go from here. I have no problem 'grinding'. I've been playing mostly 10/20 for months and maybe a thousand 5/10 hands when I can't find 'good' 10/20 games. I make 'rules' where I can only play 10/20 or whatever and I've stuck to them but then i'm feeling good and it just goes down hill.

Yes, the games aren't what they used to be, and they're still not particularily great, but I see some really pathetic play alllllll the time and my game selection is solid.

I mean seriosuly, i'd play 2/4 if it'd get me back on track. It jsut doesn't make sense that i'd have to go that low.

Or should I just say screw limit for awhile and put more an dmore time into NL.


If you've played with me and have comments on my play I would LOVE to hear them positive or negative, especially negative. I want to improve. I have no shame.

Anyone have a 12k -> 50k bankroll plan for me? I'll stick to it, honest.