When you have a daughter.... - Page 9

2Fast · #81 03-22-2006, 01:40 PM

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think maybe the best way for your daughter to be protected is for us to instill the same values in our sons, so that they will treat the women they interact with in their lives with respect.

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ok, let me get this straight - so I guess when all the 2+2ers have sons they are supposed to instill their devil-may-care degenerate gambling/drinking behavior into them right?

Gunny Highway · #82 03-22-2006, 01:48 PM

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I think maybe the best way for your daughter to be protected is for us to instill the same values in our sons, so that they will treat the women they interact with in their lives with respect.

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But my daughter won't be dating my son? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

4_2_it · #83 03-22-2006, 01:59 PM

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Asking her to justify why she needs it is a dead end - she technically doesn't need any of the crap you buy her but it does help her out socially. I would worry more about her becoming an ADD multitasking anti-social freak like me frankly!!!

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I am not saying that my final decision on anything is based upon whether she can actually justify it (obviously no one really needs it), but I consider asking her to think this way a very important part of the maturing process.

My kids see the toys that I have from being somewhat successful in business and I do not want them to 'expect' that just because dad can afford it, they will get it.

Action Scott · #84 03-22-2006, 02:35 PM

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Another thought. When I get my daughter a cell phone (probably for her 13th B-day) it will not have a text message feature. 13-17 year olds do not "need" to text each other. They can use the phone or exchange email if they "need" to communicate.

Young teen girls AIMing each other only creates more problems than it's worth. I'd rather be the hard ass, than deal with the consequences of this stuff gone awry.

Question: What is so important in the live of a 13 year-old that she has to AIM her friends ASAP?

Answer: Nothing.

Also, I don't let me kids participate in chat rooms because a young teenager is not ready to handle the 'real' world environment many of these innocent chat rooms offer.

Again, I know I can't stop my kids from dating boys and everything that goes with it, but I can put them in a position where they will be able to make good decisions. I just communicate with my kids and stay as involved as I can. Hopefully, the 13 years of parenting has had some positive impact on them.

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No offense, but why in the hell does your 13yr old daughter need a cell phone at all? She's not even driving for 3 more years to justify having one in case her car breaks down. I have 3yr and 3 month old daughters, there's no way they're getting any kind of cell phone when they're 13. I can't think of one good reason a 13yr old should have one.

4_2_it · #85 03-22-2006, 02:40 PM

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No offense, but why in the hell does your 13yr old daughter need a cell phone at all? She's not even driving for 3 more years to justify having one in case her car breaks down. I have 3yr and 3 month old daughters, there's no way they're getting any kind of cell phone when they're 13. I can't think of one good reason a 13yr old should have one.

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Here's one: My daughter has been invited to least 6 Bar Mitzvahs in the last 4 months. So far, she has borrowed my phone while attending each one. One time, I had to run a few errands so I was not reachable for a couple of hours should something have occurred. It would have been convenient for me if she had her own phone.

Don't get me wrong, if you have read my posts in this thread you will see that I am pretty much in your camp on this one.

Hopey · #86 03-22-2006, 02:50 PM

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Another thought. When I get my daughter a cell phone (probably for her 13th B-day) it will not have a text message feature. 13-17 year olds do not "need" to text each other. They can use the phone or exchange email if they "need" to communicate.

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Just a life of what she needs then? bread and water?

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Can anyone please give me a reason other than status or vanity as to why a 13 year old needs to have a text messaging cell phone? I want her to have the phone as a safety issue. Of course, she can call her friends anytime she wishes.

What is the BFD with text messaging? Are we heading to a society where everyone will just text message each other. I want my daughter to learn how to build relationships. This requires more interaction than AIM can give. When she is older, I'm sure that AIM will be allowed, it's just at this point it isn't on the table.

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It's just such a stupid, arbitrary thing to withold from her. It's something that she'll want, something that all her friends will have, and something that will make her feel like part of the group (as she'll be able to participate in the text msging).

Just because we didn't text message when we were their age doesn't mean that it isn't "important" for her to be able to do it. This shouldn't be considered as a "privilege", it's something that all kids do these days.

Pick your battles. If you aren't reasonable in the boundaries you set with your kids, they won't respect you. At which point they'll simply start doing everything behind your back without asking first, because they can't expect you to react rationally to their requests.

JunkHead · #87 03-22-2006, 02:55 PM

I have two daughters, 3 years and 6 months.

I'm praying they're lesbians.

JunkHead

2Fast · #88 03-22-2006, 03:01 PM

Although I don't have kids, I think you've gotta give her the cellphone and probably should include the text messaging option. Otherwise you sort of look like the unreasonable parent and she's out of the loop with her friends. Granted, she has to control the minutes and should definitely have a budget. The worry here is that she's going to just sit in school and text all day long and not learn a damn thing (you know, kinda like what I do on conference calls at work with email!!).

Then again, you could say that her learning to text/listen in class is great multitasking experience for later on in the workplace....

Hopey · #89 03-22-2006, 03:03 PM

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It has been shown that girls who don't have close relationships with their fathers tend to be more promiscuous, among other things.

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My father is a very cold, authoritarian type of parent. He was too over-protective and restrictive, while not building a relationship with his children so that we would respect his authority. As soon as his children became older, we all rebelled, and his only strategy was to try to come down harder on us. Eventually this stopped working altogether, as we soon discovered that it wasn't worth trying to live up to his high standards in order to retain a few privileges here and there (that could be taken away for the smallest of infractions). He showed no respect for us, so we showed no respect for him.

I have two sisters. One became pregnant at 15 and now has a six year old son. The other became pregnant twice, but lost one of the babies and gave up the other for adoption. They both barely graduated from high school. One now works for minimum wage in a book store, the other finally became a hairdresser after working at McDonalds for years.

I'm convinced that had my father acted more like a parent rather than a drill sergeant, things would have turned out differently for my sisters.

Get to know your kids, and be reasonable in how you deal with them. Give them some credit for being able to make decisions and respect them. Otherwise they'll eventually turn on you and your ability to have a positive impact on their lives will be gone.

Action Scott · #90 03-22-2006, 03:03 PM

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No offense, but why in the hell does your 13yr old daughter need a cell phone at all? She's not even driving for 3 more years to justify having one in case her car breaks down. I have 3yr and 3 month old daughters, there's no way they're getting any kind of cell phone when they're 13. I can't think of one good reason a 13yr old should have one.

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Here's one: My daughter has been invited to least 6 Bar Mitzvahs in the last 4 months. So far, she has borrowed my phone while attending each one. One time, I had to run a few errands so I was not reachable for a couple of hours should something have occurred. It would have been convenient for me if she had her own phone.

Don't get me wrong, if you have read my posts in this thread you will see that I am pretty much in your camp on this one.

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Sounds like more of a convenience issue for you, I understand. I'm probably so against it because I really don't like cell phones to begin with. I only have one because of my job, I would never pay for my own cell phone. If I'm out of the house doing something, I really don't want to talk on the phone anyways. But that is a whole other thread, perhaps, inventions you wish were never invented or something.