Found out my roomate's GF used to be a mega-ho

[GiftGiver]

I started this post because I needed an outlet for my reaction to this information. I didn't want to go to any of my friends that know Joe and Maria because I felt like I would be perpetuating rumors that could only harm.

You must understand that my entire perception of this woman, who will very likely marry my best friend, was completely turned upside down. This generated some serious angst. I wasn't sure if I could walk around knowing this while my best friend since grade school didn't. After I have had some time to reflect things seem more clear now.

I am pretty sure that Joe doesn't know the extent of Maria's past activities because most girls in this situation would be less than completely honest. Also Joe is pretty open and I know that information like this would bother him and if he knew he likely would have said something to me just to vent. Maybe not. However I also do not know to what extent these past incidents have been exaggerated. They almost have to be exaggrated to some degree.

I really do not care what Maria did in the past. Her and Joe have a solid relationship from what I can see. And if it makes them happy I hope they do get married. What worried me was the way that she portrayed herself now. It could come as quite a shock to Joe to find out the info I did. I don't want some dude from some shiite band confronting him with this info when he is wholly unprepared.

In the worst case scenario, if Joe is confronted, they should be able to work through it on their terms. If they are going to keep together a long term relationship this should be small potatoes in the scheme of things.

I never wanted to tell Joe in the first place and now I think that is probably the best decision. I am going to try to forget I ever heard any of this as this knowledge may well eat at me.

Anyway - thanks OOT it's been therapeutic

[morgan180]

[ QUOTE ]
I started this post because I needed an outlet for my reaction to this information. I didn't want to go to any of my friends that know Joe and Maria because I felt like I would be perpetuating rumors that could only harm.

You must understand that my entire perception of this woman, who will very likely marry my best friend, was completely turned upside down. This generated some serious angst. I wasn't sure if I could walk around knowing this while my best friend since grade school didn't. After I have had some time to reflect things seem more clear now.

I am pretty sure that Joe doesn't know the extent of Maria's past activities because most girls in this situation would be less than completely honest. Also Joe is pretty open and I know that information like this would bother him and if he knew he likely would have said something to me just to vent. Maybe not. However I also do not know to what extent these past incidents have been exaggerated. They almost have to be exaggrated to some degree.

I really do not care what Maria did in the past. Her and Joe have a solid relationship from what I can see. And if it makes them happy I hope they do get married. What worried me was the way that she portrayed herself now. It could come as quite a shock to Joe to find out the info I did. I don't want some dude from some shiite band confronting him with this info when he is wholly unprepared.

In the worst case scenario, if Joe is confronted, they should be able to work through it on their terms. If they are going to keep together a long term relationship this should be small potatoes in the scheme of things.

I never wanted to tell Joe in the first place and now I think that is probably the best decision. I am going to try to forget I ever heard any of this as this knowledge may well eat at me.

Anyway - thanks OOT it's been therapeutic

[/ QUOTE ]

nice.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

[/ QUOTE ]

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

Many white girls will often hide the fact that previously dated black guys for this very reason, their boyfriends will wake up the next day all of sudden it will feel 'loose' to them.

[mikech]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]
hang on, look at it from another perspective: let's say you are joe. your best friend has found out some things about your gf's past, which she has kept hidden from you. you have a certain perception of who she is, what she has done, what she's about, yet it turns out she has misrepresented herself to you--and this is the woman you are likely to marry. would you want your best friend to tell you what he knows? i sure would.

[CharlieDontSurf]

[ QUOTE ]
"They estimated that during this time period Maria banged roughly 20-25 guys. "

And the problem with that is...?

[/ QUOTE ]

Most of the young goodlooking girls in LA will sleep with this many guys in a year...20-25 guys for a rock band groupie is weeeeaaaakkkk

x by 4 and then she's a [censored].

[runner4life7]

i read the first 100 and there are a lot of people that shouldnt be allowed to post. People who says it not his business, you clearly dont care about your best friends, it sure seems like the OP does.

To those who dont want to know, dont marry someone that you cant trust and stop living lies.

To those that say he might already know, then you are suggesting you know joe better than the OP because given the description of joe he doesnt like [censored] and this would bother him so he would a) tell his friend or b) break up.

Also to those saying would this matter if it was a guy? yeah it would you idiot if the girl was described the same was as Joe is. L2Read and dont make stupid statements that dont contribute. This is why I rarely post in OOT.

You know you need to tell him so forget all the people in this thread and tell him. Do what is right. If he choses to ignore the info that is his choice, but he should be given all the info to make the right choice in his mind.

[britspin]

First of all, I think the OP is doing the right thing.. probably.

Second, how is everyone so sure that the couple haven't been honest with each other in private and the girl just doesn't want all her fiancees friends to know she used to bang around?

So I think OP is doing right, but I have a question- isn't there also a decent case for taking her aside, and saying something like

1. I really think you're a good partner for X
2. I want things to work about between you
3. I want you to know some friends of mine have said a couple of things about the past.
4. That's none of my business, and no problem to me, but I wanted to tell you just in case it got back to your man somehow.


The advantages of this are the following

1. You get it off your chest,
2. She gets the chance to level with the man she loves (if she hasn't already)
3. You don't look like you're trying to break them up .
4. You make it clear that you want their relationshiip to work and like her.

Disadvantages? She might get pissed off and think you're stirring..


so why isn't this a good idea?

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
#1 This is none of your business

#2 This is none of your business

3# If Maria wants to start over and forget a past others might find objentionable (YOU, perhaps??) it is - I repeat -NONE OF YOUR [censored] BUSINESS.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]
hang on, look at it from another perspective: let's say you are joe. your best friend has found out some things about your gf's past, which she has kept hidden from you. you have a certain perception of who she is, what she has done, what she's about, yet it turns out she has misrepresented herself to you--and this is the woman you are likely to marry. would you want your best friend to tell you what he knows? i sure would.

[/ QUOTE ]

Then you are obviously a kid without any real experience in relationships. Maria has not misrepresented herself, she has grown, she has changed. She does not owe her boyfriend - or anyone - a blow by blow description of her past sexual history.

You kids need to grow up. Your hypothetical girlfriend's history and experiences have helped turn her into the person you have supossedly fallen for. Be thankful you have found someone. Is she nice to you? Is she sweet? Is she respectful of your needs and dreams and those things you hold dear? Yes? Then who cares if she blew half the football team when she was in high school?

Grow the [censored] up.

[Dominic]

[ QUOTE ]
Many white girls will often hide the fact that previously dated black guys for this very reason, their boyfriends will wake up the next day all of sudden it will feel 'loose' to them.

[/ QUOTE ]

was this an attempt at humor? if so, it failed.