[chesspain]

JD,

My heart goes out to you. Although I am a psychologist and the father of two middle school age girls, I can't personally imagine what it has been like for you, as a parent, to have struggled with your daughter for all of these years.

One thing which is obvious is that her problems are not solely the result of adolescent angst, since you note that she has had problems with emotional self-control and social interaction for practically the entirety of her short life.

Although some of her behaviors make her seem as if she might have a severe case of ADHD, my gut instinct is that there is something even more seriously wrong with her. In fact, as difficult as this is for me to say (since I have never met her), there is a good chance that your daughter may have either a pervasive developmental disorder or a major mental illness. Given the various problems she has had throughout her life, I'm a bit surprised to not be hearing about experiences already with doctors and therapists.

Consequently, I would strongly advise you to discuss this matter with her pediatrician, for the primary purpose of securing a referral to a licensed mental health professional who treats children. Your daughter is undoubtedly going to need significant services from this point forward.

I know that my words may be difficult to accept. If you have been in denial up until now about the severity of her problems (which I would only suggest if you or your wife have already refused suggestions for evaluations), please remember that that her problems were likely not caused by your actions as parents, and cannot be negated by the fact that she may be quite intelligent. Some children are just born into or are destined for a major mental disorder.

My best wishes to you and your family in finding the care that you all need to help you cope with your daughter's immense needs.

Sincerely,

Dr. chess