[4_2_it]

I have a 12-year old daughter and what you are describing is not normal. Most kids want to do well in school (even if they fail) becuase deep down they want to please Mom and Dad. 12 is a little young to be smart enough to do the work, yet still fail.

I do not know your situation and I am not being judgmental. There is something else going on in her life and either you or your wife need to get close to her and understand what's up. Do you know her friends? Their parents? Do you know everyone that she IMs? My daughter is not allowed IM and while she isn't happy about it, it has never become an issue.

Cutting and self mutilation are not normal rights of adolescent passage. She is looking for attention. If kids can't get positive attention they will resort to negative attention (my 8-year old is experimenting with this now).

Punishing her isn't going to reveal the problem. Of course, she should be disciplined when she disobeys the rules, but you have to get to the root cause.

Her school should have a guidance counselor. Schedule an appointment for your and wife. Do not let your daughter know about it. See what develops.

Do you have any other children? Could there be some sibling rivalry here? Has your family suffered some sort of life changing event recently (death, divorce, move, school change, illness)?

I wish you luck and hope you find what is causing this.