[Hopey]

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Hopey,

Your post was the best one so far in this thread. IMO, a good parent cannot be to authoritative nor can he be their child's best friend. You have to strike a balance. I am still figuring out how to do that.

When my daughter does something that doesn't please me or her mother, we talk about it and don't discuss punishment (which probably drives her nuts) until we both agree that she was wrong. I haven't reversed a decision yet, but I have given her a much milder punishment if she demonstrates some remorse and acknowledges her actions.

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You sound like you are building a very solid relationship with your daughter. She will hopefully grow up to respect you, as you have shown her a great deal of respect to her.

When I was a kid, my punishments were random and inconsistent, and I never got an explanation. Sometimes I wasn't even entirely sure what I did wrong. If I dared try to defend the actions that got me punished (ie. if I did something wrong by accident rather than wilfully), my punishment was increased.

Eventually this type of "parenting" stops working, believe me. Your kids just learn to avoid you, and/or cover their tracks.