[buriedbeds]

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Congrats, just a quick question for you. Im back in uni after a year off when I worked construction so I was always very acive, outdoors 10-12 hours a day, since the first week of Sept when I returned to school, I have put the weight back on that I lost while working. Now I'n not fat per se (6'1", ~198lbs), but I want to lose a bit of weight. How were you able to keep yourself motivated in working out, eating right etc. I signed up for a gym and have been once but thats it. Any help would be very appreciated.

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I can't give it to you.

If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you are USELESS trying to motivate others. They absolutely, positively must do it for themselves. I wish it were otherwise, but it's not.

As to my motivation? Well, at first it was just blind terror. I thought - more accurately, felt 100% positive - that I was going to die. The way I was going, I thought I'd be dead by 30, and there was no way I'd make 35. Seriously, I felt unbelievably bad - ALL THE TIME. I know what it's like to be trapped inside your own body. To get down on the floor and really have to fight to get up. To come home from work and not have the energy to do anything but lie on the couch and watch tv, because physically you're in such rough shape, and mentally and emotionally you're so drained from dealing with people who look down on you, all the while feeling completely, totally hopeless and helpless because you've tried everything you can try and you just can not tame this thing that's afflicting you.

I didn't want my nephews to put me in a box. I love those kids, and they love me, and the idea of them having to bury me is truly terrible to me. I didn't want to die without having done a lot of the things I wanted to do. I didn't want to be miserable. I wanted a life, desperately. You know those people on tv who have shows where they're so overweight that they've become shut-ins? That is, without a doubt, where I was headed. When you're wearing a 6x, you're literally getting to be too big for the big and tall, as 6x is roughly where even they stop carrying stuff. I had just started going from a 5x to a 6x when I started this. I was in bad, bad, bad shape.

So when this worked, I grabbed it with both hands and absolutely did not let go. I am still terrified to this day of going back there. I can not let myself do that. The terrifying thing is that it's not just possible, it's likely - the majority of people who lose weight - even triple digits weight - gain it all back and then some. That scares the living hell out of me. I would literally rather be dead. If I get back to the point where I'm shopping in the big and tall again, I will die.

So fear and desperation is a big motivation for me. Now I also have the added motivation of not only feeling not-bad, but actually feeling great. I want to continue to feel great - maybe more than others because I know what it feels like to feel really, really bad.

Your motivation, however, is your own, and nobody on earth is going to give it to you but you.

-bb.