Re: New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG
Some of you are being terribly hard on OP's wife, who has really been a trooper up until now.
OP's wife is probably fearing that sister will never get her act together and that she will be raising the 12 year old for the next 6 years. For someone that never wanted to be a parent, this is a grim prospect.
And, OP, you can talk as much as you want about not asking her to be a mother, but she is being forced to parent as long as the kids are in the house. She can't just "be an aunt", because she has to be an authority figure.
It doesn't seem like it's as simple as "side with your wife", though, because you're going to feel resentful and guilty if you send the boys to foster care, which will also hurt your relationship with your wife. And of course, it's not in their best interest either.
I hope you and your wife are getting counseling for yourselves, not just the boys, to help you work this out. There's no perfect answer here.
[warm thoughts]
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