[microbet]

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You sound like a nice guy who cares about his family even though they may be a bunch of [censored] ups so I will give you some serious advice. Tell your wife to stop being so selfish, sometimes there are things in this world that are out of her control. This is one of those times. You have a responsibility to these children at this point and putting them back into foster care would be wrong and possibly/probably detrimental to their well being. I am actually surprised anyone could be married to a woman who is so selfish that she wants to put these children back into foster care. I also think children need to be slapped on occasion if they misbehave so they know there are consequences. What you should do is get your belt out and use it on the 17 years, the 12 year and your wife when necessary so everyone knows who the man in the house is. All problems solved.

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You are having him beat everyone except the person who caused all the trouble.

I'd tell the wife to give it a year. The older boy can't stay after he's 18 (unless you both want him to and he wants to). Hopefully the 12 yo will get it together over the year. Hopefully your sister will get it together.

Accommodate your wife as best you can. Let her know that you don't expect her to be their Mom. Get a maid if you have to. Give your wife a few vacations alone if you have to.

That's as close as I can come to good advice here. I don't really think anyone who doesn't know a lot more about the people involved can have a very good idea what you should do.

Crappy situation. Best of luck.