[Blarg]

[ QUOTE ]
So....I'm pretty sure the girl very convinced that I have emotional strings attached with having sex with her. Is there a way (besides getting her completely and utterly blasted like may happen tonight anyway) to ease this concern?

[/ QUOTE ]

Treat her more and more like she deserves to be treated -- like someone who shows only minor sexual interest in you and is not actually all that cool. Right now you're treating her basically like a goddess without her having to do much to earn it, and despite her being frankly kind of creepy/b*tchy. (WTF about recoiling when you put your ARM AROUND HER? After all this time? Seriously seriously WTF what a ballbuster.)

You're showing her that she can get those emotional strings without making any effort, even while being a jerk and despite efforts to push you away. You've made your emotional, and testicle, submission to her plain.

You can give her the idea that you're not her emotional slave by not being one. Get a life! Outside her. If she calls you, don't always leap to the phone. Be too busy sometimes because she is NOT the only thing in your life. Right now she KNOWS she is. So she'll never think you are less than emotionally gaga over her. And she'll never feel like she has to do anything on her side to hold up the relationship, as you'll be happy to make enough effort for both of you.

Seriously, either make a major move with her or start making moves on your own life -- see other girls, be less available as her emotional whore, cut a few of her sentences off. As long as she feels she has no reason to chase you, she won't, but will lead you on the marathon of your life and maybe withhold the prize at the end anyway.

That just means not letting her decide 100% on the sex life for the both of you. The most she has control over is whether you two have sex, not whether you have sex. The most she can decide emotionally is your level of emotional fulfillment in that relationship, not in all relationships. She knows you think you can't get a better deal, and that's why you're being paid slave labor wages.

If your world is broader than her particular skanky heart and her oh so holy vagina, she will get a whole new picture of you, and a more complimentary and exciting one by far. If you show her that you fully intend to have a fun and exciting time with women, whether or not that woman has to be her, she is much more likely to want it to be her. Now she could hardly care less because she has no competition and you don't seem to be the kind of guy who either can or will change that. You'll return every phone call. You're not too busy or sometimes just interested in other things. You'll not only cuddle with her endlessly, but actually be scared of popping wood when you do. Jesus, you're a dead man to her.

She will seem much more lively when you get a life yourself. And if she doesn't, you won't care. The way to get what you want out of life is not to give up more and more chasing after less and less. The way to get what you want is to go after it without tying yourself up with unnecessary compromises that take you ever further from your goals. If you want a healthy relationship, don't settle for unhealthy ones; either stay out of them or change the ones you have. If you want a healthy sex life, make it clear that a relationship isn't a relationship without a sexual component, for you. This may mean leaving some nice girls behind, but that's okay; they will find their guy or their nunnery somewhere, and you don't owe them happiness any more than they owe it to you. Some people are just not right for each other.

For a 20 year old guy, a healthy sex life, and a lack of drama, is what's right for you. There's not a thing to be apologetic for there either. Nor demanding. If a girl is not willing to give you happiness without acres of drama and weirdness, move on, because you deserve better. If a girl finds you sexually uninteresting, find another. It's not the girl's fault if she doesn't find you a turn-on, and not your fault that you find women sexually attractive and think sex is a fun and healthy part of life that you want in your life and have no reason to think is something you should have to put aside or live without.

All this requires a level of self-respect and the ability to take a few losses along the line that it doesn't seem you have right now. You don't find success without risking loss, though. And when you're too scared to lose, you're too scared to win. It seems like you're scared to lose and will hold on at whatever cost, right now. You need to open up your life and respect yourself enough to put more at risk. Or, in other words, have some balls. She sees that inability to "man up" and taunts you with it repeatedly, then won't sleep with you. What clearer sign do you need when the object itself of your desire is telling you that you don't have the balls and then you meekly agree by refusing to bring them out of hiding? Can't you see how unattractive this makes you and how it ruins your chances?

WTF, she gets passed around at parties while you get sniffed at for putting your arm around her? You agonize for ages about whether to kiss her while strangers grind her and make out with her?

You have got to learn to value your own happiness and masculinity more. Because in this relationship, she is the man and you are the woman. And while some women may enjoy that level of control over a guy, it doesn't make him someone they want to f*ck. The woman's practically begging you to be a man, and definitely taunting you for not being one -- and still you won't be one?

For god sake, you need to be one with or without her, and if she wants to come along for the ride, fine; if she doesn't, fine too, because you're not ashamed of pursuing happiness, and she can either be on your side in that matter, or not. She should be cheering, not jeering. The person you are with is supposed to be on your side, not your competitor.

It's only when she starts seeing you as something positive she doesn't have rather than as a sexless wimp she is guaranteed and doesn't even have to work for or be particularly cool with -- only when she stops taking you for granted -- that you will be worth pursuing in her eyes. And yes, men can be pursued too, and should be; if the attraction is only one way, get the hell out. Everybody deserves to be wanted, EVEN YOU.

But it's hard for a woman to want a guy who doesn't act like a man. Not just this woman, but any woman. Think about it.